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crowd_winds

38 M Denver, CO

My Details

Last Online
Mar 4
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
3′ 1″ (0.94m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
Drinks
Drugs
Religion
Sign
Education
Graduated from space camp
Job
Other
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
I have full diplomatic immunity to STDs. And, although you, dear reader, "live every moment", and love "Colorado", "dogs" and "to laugh", I do too--only more. Way more.

I once completed a marathon up a 14er on my hands, backwards, at night and by the light only of a swarm of fireflies. Did I forget to mention that? I won't forget again. I fuel my truck with testosterone.
What I’m doing with my life
Creating as much drama as possible for the people around me. Sniffing for pheromones--I swear I can smell them!
I’m really good at
Telling everyone what they have to do to be attractive to me.
Oogling phat girls in yoga classes or, better, at Lululemon. They usually run or scream when they see my 6 pack of beer belly sticking out of my tight clothes.
The first things people usually notice about me
My garlic breath. My sawed-off sweatshirt and lime green wife-beaters. My pencil-thin mustache. Always in that order.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Classical really annoys me. But hair metal, wow. I ♥ stadium rock. ♥REO Speedwagon♥. ♥♥♥!!!

I love all 50 shades of gray...what eloquent and sophisticated writing!

I love mayonnaise casseroles and boiled eggs.
The six things I could never do without
Squishing bugs without provocation. Black dog hair on my all-white clothes. Materialism. Eyelashes. Is that six?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Cosmetic surgery. I could really use some. Email if you'd like to donate to the cause.

Talking heads on NPR and Fox...how they just like to hear themselves talk to fill the time. What a horrible job...just listening to yourself all day.
On a typical Friday night I am
Taking pictures of myself in pretentious yoga poses in my bathroom mirror or in my car to post on dating websites. Being glad I'm not fat and bald like other men my age. Or busy toning my over-educated ass. Or dancing. But only when I'm by myself.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've been to the center of the galaxy. It was full of brain damaged ex-NFL players and jacked up bike racers and MLB players. Please don't let anyone in on my secret. Maybe that's where I got the third degree sunburn and my superpowers. I really don't remember much else about the trip. But I did get back slightly before I left, so it's all good.

I lick tires and google myself when no one's around. I think Colorado is ok. Meh. There are much cooler places. Like anywhere with an ocean or real museums or good baseball announcers.

These days, I live a mostly sedentary, pastoral existence grazing gently in the meadow and chewing my cud.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 34–47
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
You're bored and lonely and have already been on here way too long. Or maybe you think this is funny. Really, nothing here should be misconstrued as being true. Except for this: I throw out the creamy middle of oreos before I eat them. That is the 100% god-honest truth.