Man what the F*@# is the deal nowadays?  I mean if you shoot it straight and are a nice guy. They think you are lying,something is wrong with you or walk on you like you are a carpet! I mean i grew up on the streets. I got game but i choose to shoot/kick it straight  and i can tell right away who the players are girls or guys alike!!!  Is there no more trust? Is there no more morals? civalary may not be dead but does anyone know what it looks like or should be? standards anyone have those any more? what do you mean to tell me people see nice clothes here nice words and think that guy or girl is nice? Get the f out here. Really i mean see girls who say they want a nice guy then i see those same girls talking to their girl about this guy is too nice !!! lol are you kidding me and then they date this jerk who looks like a thug or acts like one or is one who don't care about them and tell them anything they want to hear to sleep with them. then they get hurt then put up these boundaries/walls of insecurities !!! seriously!! what in the hell is wrong with us!!do we like the abuse do we not see the same pole we gonna bump our heads on again!!!! lol ha ha ha we let the good ones go by and take in the crap!!! lol i wont deal with it!!nor will i let my friends or family or other go thru with out having my say, i mean if we must learn hands on great but if we can be a lil more understaning and giver other a chance to explain or give us good advice should we not take it. you know i had to bump my head several time to learn what i have. i rather have quality over quantity. and i rather bear fruits than weeds and share my knowledge so those others won't have to go thru some of or any of my pains and or struggles.  with all these diseases herpes which is forever aids well shit as long as you live if you live long with it hiv is the same, and the rest which some of them are curable but to get one sucks at least i think so!! and yet people don't even give the right one a chance to prove themselves!! may favorites are the good looking ones or well dressed ones or well spoken ones. guys or girls we call it having game now a days or swag, have a nice cars or a house money dont matter, material possesions and or all the above.  and it can be those very smart thugs,frats or whoever, saying naw/no you gotta look nice and have swag/or appearances to get those ladies or guys, just to  treat their ladies/guys like crap and really it is both sexes not even just the guys or the girls both sides be blame the other ! when in actuality we all point that finger unless we know ourselves and know what we want and not settle for less til its been proven !! are willing to give people a chance to prove themselves thru actions !!! i means words really words don't mean crap nowadays.  you can speak very highly of your self like everyone does nowadays cause it is like a competition to get more of this or that or the better looking this or that girls money power job whatever they dont want to be left behind so the sugar coat it camoflauge it or put that icing on the cake as i say!! and its all show !! i mean the other person is blinded by the fact they dress good look good or got this or that or talk very proper or hoody /street smart !!! they dont even wait to get to know the person before moving in or getting in the sack with one another!!!  see this is soem of what i mean !!! crazy ass world!! aight  or ok yall or you all. let me know what you think!??? make suggestions opinions i look at it all to get my better impartial judgements on  life!!!  now tell me is that the sad truth or what ??? laterz or bye!! thnx again john! :)

Relationship Needs Assessment.” This assessment determines what you need in a relationship across nine key factors:

InterdependenceIntimacySelf-EfficacyRelationship ReadinessCommunicationConflict ResolutionSexualityAttitudes About LovePreferred Expressions of Affection

Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be “relationship material” with you. Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at the Plenty of Fish community! cubaneagle73, Your Assessment is below

InterdependenceInterdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire – and perhaps even demand – a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner’s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:

“What degree of possessiveness do you think is healthy in a relationship?”

“Tell me all about your philosophy or view on PDAs (‘Public Displays of Affection’) “

“On any typical night out with your friends, would you prefer to have your partner there with you or not?”

Intimacy Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:

“Have you tended to avoid arguments with past partners or is it more like you to talk about all types of the feelings and concerns you have?”

“Do you think couples should always be open and honest with each other, or are there things that it is okay to hold back?”

“Can you talk and share on an intimate level as well as you listen to a friend in need?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

It is difficult for me to depend on others. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you fear you will not live up to your partner’s expectations or that your partner will not live up to yours, that you are overly proud or that you are generally insecure. On the positive side, it could mean that you are naturally independent and self-sufficient or that you do not like to burden or inconvenience others.

Self-efficacy Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:

“To what extent do you need a job or hobbies that allow you to express your energy and creativity?”

“Do you like solving the challenges that work and home life throw at you? Why or Why not? “

“What are some of the best ways to turn around a ‘bad day’?”

Relationship readiness Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:

“Tell me in what ways you are a happy and successful single”

“Are you truly happy with the way you have lived your life? Explain”

Are there any ways in which you feel your life is not balanced?”

Communication Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:

“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”

“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”

“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”

Conflict resolution Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:

“Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain”

“Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways?”

“In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

When confused about a problem, I typically clarify vague ideas or feelings by thinking of them in concrete terms. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you over analyze information, that you are not a “big picture” thinker or that you do not evaluate information on emotional and intellectual levels. On the positive side, it could mean that you have good attention to detail, that you can simplify issues or that you are insightful.

Sexuality Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are open to try various activities. In fact, you probably like to experiment actively. A defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is their willingness to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish – you like to focus on pleasing your partner and submitting to his/her desires. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates being the center of attention in the bedroom.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:

“Would you eagerly talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies?”

“Is it like you to direct your partner what to do in bed so s/he knows best how to please you?”

“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

For me, one of the most important aspects of a romantic relationship is sex. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are superficial, that you are manipulative or that you are not a “big picture thinker.” On the positive side, it could mean that you have no emotional baggage from a previous relationship, that you are sexually confident, that you have a good body image or that you do not fear you will be unable to please your partner.

Attitudes toward love Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate – a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:

“In choosing a partner, do you believe it is best to love someone with a similar background? Explain”

“If you truly love another person, is that enough to marry or otherwise have a committed relationship with that person?”

“How do you feel about the notion that ‘common interests are really unimportant; as long two people are truly in love, they will adjust’?”

Preferred Expressions of Affection Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Actions. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through simple or grand acts of kindness – such as helping you out around the house, running errands for you or doing favors without being asked.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“In what ways – if any – do you like for a partner to depend on you?”

“Have you offered to throw a party for someone? – if so, why did you take on that responsibility?”

“What are some things you have done for other people that they would say were the most thoughtful?”

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Time spent together received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not mean that you neither like nor need time with a partner. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just spending time with you – such as talking at home, taking leisurely strolls outside or extended road trips.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Have you ever taken off work early to spend some special with your partner or a loved one

i think i thought something.which tickled me pink.it was a rambling i had while having a drink. i felt like a clown making someone's frown turn upside down yet i had to write it down, before i forgot. It was a shot that had no mark, this stab in the dark. A epihany or  spark of ideas that just came to me. i had to share, for you to see for it would not flee.why is it you try to heckle thy.i didn't  matter if anyone cared,pointed made fun or even stared, it blaired in my mind, this brainstorm of thought could not be faught like a fly caught in a web.i could not let it rot this idea which i had found. it was bound to happen, in no profound fashion,opinions clashing,of things splashing interwined by reasoning yet still clashing, it was a bashing,perhaps may be even a thrashing, i could not understand my fingers just mashing began typing, these thoughts were so inviting, so i did just that.it was not so sharp but i wasnt flat. wrote it all down like a road map, it was anything special but it was not crap, so i sat with my pc in my lap. and typed away i dont know why i did this to this very day, i was perplexed left in dismay, how the words came out to me onto the screen on this very day. so right away i wrote.i felt like i was on a boat and  i could not tote these in my mind, so i sat down and began to unwind only to find i was in a bind the very thought i had i left behind. oh me oh my and  i wondered why i stopped right then and i told myself you are a silly guy!!! so til next time this is me say goodnight and goodbye!!! tell me what you think please dont be shy!                not my best work just wanted to share a lil bit this is not my best but i have decided to put any others on here i have a few written down that are much nicer just dont know where i left my journal!! well let me know thnx! john!:)

hello my name is john, i think that many of us claim many things, but dont even know ourselves well enough to know better,many of us know what is right or what is best to do,yet we continue to destroy ourselves. and the planet we live on, eg say you just left a fast food joint. you are running late you are with company so its you and another, you eat your food and rather then save the trash in your car and toss it at your destination or next stop you toss it out the window, you friend who is more conscious says to you why did you do that you reply well it doesnt really matter, if i toss it they have prisoners who clean up the highways or someone else so id dont really matter, well it does matter everything relates, most of us invent this reasoning to make it ok, another two examples this will be on relationshipwise nowadays most guys or women ive seen today, think its ok to do one of these. one is divorce , here we go. a couple meet they rush into sex not really getting to know one another, either they have a kid or they  just move in together after knowing each other only days weeks or months and thats not even to say that they have had sex already, but this is the problem, they find they arent happy after a short time and think it is ok to get a divorce everyone is doing it they say, or they stick together to make it work for the kids, but in essence it should have never been. so they one or the other or both decide to have fun on the side. cause they talk to thier friends who in turn give horrible advice based on half of what one said and they not caring to much cause it aint thier problem the quik fix have fun, dont ell him/her theyll nerver know, and well that dont work either vows remeber! think in think it thru .  hereis the second one another relationship one, two people are talking to each other, one is serious the other isnt sure what they want. neither is happy but both say i love you cause you are seeing each other, and its the right thing to say, hold up have people forgotten, love isnt a word to be used loosely it means what it means. if you sugarcoat things would you call it a white lie? a lie is a lie aint it? so why do we invent these excuses to cover our own tracks!???  to be nice, to sugarcoat things. do we not have the time to think of other but only of ourselves? i have so many scenarios of this in my head that my friends have shared with me both guys and girls. they come to me they hate it too. cause i will always be impartial and blunt and say so what did you do.and ask questions to see and understand better but  they say nothing of course, but i know my friends i point out the obvious they dont wnat to hear it, they want someone to agree with them and make it ok or at least make it seem that way. see thing is if you cheat even just a little or lie manipulate these things you no longer are having the same or right outcome, let see how can i make you get this one ok , example  a baker who normally uses 3 cups of sugar and 5cups of chocolate chips for his famous secret recipe cookies cant make it so he calls his apprentice to read it but his apprentice reads it and knows his vesion will be done quicker if he puts 1 1/2 cups of sugar and 2 and 1/2 of chocolate chips thing is this the taste of these cookies has changed! the customers know it, everything matters and is relative to everything else saying its not is a lie, cheating manipulating, or changing what was to what now is something different yet we will deny it!! one would think things like global warming,litter, and i could go on and on about things how we would all agree on till those subjects hit home or become personal to you. so know yourself and know what you can do, what you say and how it affect you and everyting around if you dont care then you have made a choice, but its probablly not the best one. and all im am saying is that, do we have to get to our worst before we realize outcomes and where they have taken us, i mean put effort into things not just half ass it we can always improve upon,but oh no thats too much work too much thinking, i dont have time or god knos what your excuse will be, you know benjermin franklin did not make the light bulb on his first shot i think i read in a book it took him 10,000 tries and he didnt think he was stupid or foolish in doing that or trying all those times he learned along the way this doesnt work, or/and however this could be used for something else so along the way to his discovery he made greats steps of achievment, he didnt quit never gave up, many leaders are this way, but the really good ones see thier errors and make change as neccesary, they build a plan a foundation of knowledge,until they reach thier desired destination! if we could only all do that! i think then maybe we could all change, if we could not be greedy about it, if we could be fair, and teach others,some of us dont need these things as much as others,these things im talking about are things we have forgotten, have made misjudgements and have been distorted by other misjudgments til we no longer see things right , it like we are out of focus! well im gonna stop here, tommorow or until something else dawns on my brain,perhaps you'd like me to continue i could let me know! thnx for reading! always looking ahead and for our betterment john! bye