I rescue orphaned puppy dogs and teach them how to do data processing and basic customer service stuff. Sometimes it's hard being the boss, but my associates definitely appreciate the leg up on euthanasia. Today I bought a server strictly on the merit of it not resembling a fire hydrant.

OK. Here's the real deal. (presented Downton Abbey style)

Lord Grantham: "So Mr. curbs10009, I'm most skeptical my daughter would be inclined to date a common exploiter of the canine masses. Most likely, she would much prefer a chauffeur.

curbs10009: "Lord Grantham, my words were merely meant to convey a whimsical sensibility. Your daughter's appreciation of such hypothetical satire is one of her finest attributes. In fact she convinced PBS to make a series about some people you probably know."

LG: "Indeed, throughout her youth she has been known to exalt in spirited jest. Creative type, are you? hmmmph So how do you pay the rent tribute?"

curbs: "My lord, I have the good fortune to be in the employ of King Bloomberg with a regular DOE teaching job. Instead of being tied to one classroom I teach in apartments and hospitals in Brooklyn Abbey. Mostly I use iPads to teach nonverbal kids how to communicate. I also teach other teachers how to do the same. Right now I'm applying for a patent for a machine that helps kids with motor issues write independently. "

LG: "It was rumored to me that teachers can only afford to sleep on futons in Bushwick Abbey in railroad apartments with 5 roommates?"

curbs: "Sir, I appreciate your concern, but I assure you that I reside in splendorous solitude in the East Village, well steeled away from the uncouth taint of hipster roommates."

Usually I'm not this obtuse, but sometimes a little weirdness is a good filter.

spellling

I'm 6'5". Sometimes people remark upon my height as if I, like them, were newly aware of it. This usually elicits one of several stock retorts:

1. The size of my soul is immeasurable.
2. I'm really 5'4" but my legs are wooden and it's gonna rain.
3. Yeah, I keep getting bigger. (intellectually)

Music: Live shows. My favorite venues are tucked away jazz spots with more musicians than audience members.

Books: Mostly narrative nonfiction. Fascinated with social histories, particularly ones told in the first person. My favorite genre is well edited oral history with awesome pictures.

Food: Yes

OK with being naked in the wilderness , but only for the experience value.

Ways to trick kids into thinking they're having fun when they're actually learning something.

How to take candid, artistic photos without being an obnoxious jerk.

Trying to pick up women at the MOMA.
(It's real easy but when the alarm goes off they make you put the statue back)

You're a kind, intelligent woman with an easy smile.
You like kids.
You'd like to meet up.