I find myself becoming more and more of an asshole as I get older, and I am 100% on board with that.

I'm actually an extremely kind person, but a lot of shit just pisses me off. Like ukuleles. No one looks sexy playing a ukulele. You just look like a sad child-person.

here is a list of things I like:
Camellia Sinensis, David Bowie, heavy metal, The Simpsons, candy, skeletons, axolotls, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, stockings, yoga, graphic art, horror films, MAC and LUSH cosmetics, sexy, older men, Halloween, leather, lace, whiskey, high heels, mad science, fairy tales and mythology, crayons, false eyelashes, vinyl (both in LP and fetishwear form), stuffed animals (not furries), 少女革命ウテナ.

here is a list of words that may or may not describe me:
self-indulgent, coquettish, salacious, intelligent, slightly misanthropic, careful (in most senses of that word), emotionally stable.

here is a list of sentences that may or may not give you insight into my personality:
I think that the floor is an awesome place to store things. I never miss an opportunity to learn something new. I dig words and languages. I geek out over cheesy power metal songs. I have a lot of esoteric knowledge, but I'm always happy to teach and involve others who are interested. I think that one of the keys to life is knowing how to be happy when you're alone. I have a cat named Baron von FuzzyCuddles. she hates everything. I get upset when there are widows in my blog entries. I don't like to use capital letters in my internet voice, except for proper nouns. sorry if this bothers you.

note: if you send me a shitty message, I will post it on Twitter openly mocking you and everything in your profile. I won't block out your name or anything. I'll link to your page so all of my friends can make fun of you, too. this has been your sole warning.

I spend most of my time eating candy and going to R-rated movies.

I'm a graphic designer/web designer by trade, but I recently lost my job, so I'm currently dedicating my life to getting hammered and trashing around. here is a comic that accurately sums up my life. (if the link doesn't show up, try using the full site instead of mobile.)

other than that, I'm drawing as much as possible, looking for work, and attempting to travel internationally despite the fact that I have literally no money.

brushing and flossing my teeth before bed no matter how wasted I am.

crushing beer cans. I have a method (and no, it does not involve my forehead.)

well, if I have my hair up it can be seen from across a crowded room, so maybe that. if I have it down—or am wearing a wig—perhaps it'll be my copious amounts of eye make-up.

A) Hermann Hesse's Demian is probably my favorite book ever. The Last Unicorn is another eternal favorite. Banana Yoshimoto and Moto Hagio are amazing. I read a lot of Lovecraft because I like feeling unsettled.

B) I am very fond of horror movies, even (especially?) terrible ones. Some of my favorites are Re-Animator, Repo! The Genetic Opera, The Devil's Carnival, House of the Devil, Hellraiser (1 only), Cabin in the Woods, The Orphanage, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Nightmare on Elm Street (1 and 3), Friday the 13th (1 and 2), Halloween (1 and 2, and remake), The Evil Dead trilogy, Alien, Aliens, Videodrome, House on Haunted Hill (original), Severance, Trick or Treat, Trick 'r Treat (yes, those are two different films, and they're both great.)

non-horror favorites include Wayne's World (1 and 2), Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Robin Hood: Men in Tights (I love everything from Mel Brooks, but this one holds a special place in my heart), most of Tim Burton's stuff from the 80s/early 90s, ANVIL! The Story of Anvil (they even wrote a song for me via Twitter), Dead Man, Naked Lunch, Trollhunter, M, Brand Upon the Brain!, Mad Max, Escape From New York, Blade Runner, This is Spinal Tap, The Room (I like this movie unironically)

B.5) shows I have enjoyed: Black Books, The IT Crowd, The Mighty Boosh, Jeeves & Wooster, Torchwood, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, X-Files, Supernatural, Workaholics (so awful it's good), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

cartoons: Freakazoid, Batman: The Animated Series, Powerpuff Girls, ReBoot, Gravity Falls (if you aren't watching Gravity Falls, your life is completely pointless.), Ugly Americans, Archer, Garfield & Friends, South Park, Regular Show (ohhhhh!), Rocko's Modern Life

I have been obsessed with The Simpsons since it first aired, and I am one of those horribly obnoxious people who constantly quotes from it.

animu: Revolutionary Girl Utena is hands-down my favorite of all time. others: Tiger & Bunny, Polar Bear Cafe, Inu x Boku Secret Service, Another, Sailor Moon, good old 90s stuff like Slayers and Tenchi Muyo, Galaxy Express 999 (and assorted other Leiji Matsumoto works)

C) I mostly listen to metal, particularly power metal, traditional heavy metal, black metal, and progressive metal. I do like a lot of music from other genres, but I tend to not actively seek them out.

random favorites: Edguy, Tobias Sammet's Avantasia: The Metal Opera, Gamma Ray, Helloween, Judas Priest, Accept, Voyager (the Australian prog metal band), Alice Cooper, Mr. Big (I have had a lingering crush on Eric Martin since I was 9), David Bowie, The Cure, Dio, Iron Maiden, Angra, Ayreon, Virgin Steele, Mötley Crüe, Ad Frank, Nick fucking Cave, W.A.S.P., Trippple Nippples, Tsu Shi Ma Mi Re, J.A. Seazer & Ban'yuu Inryoku

D) pretty much anything but cow's milk products and tomatoes (I'm allergic). I lean towards Japanese, Thai, and big sandwiches. I would live off of candy if that wasn't a really, really, really bad idea.

I think the only food I actively dislike is celery. celery can go fuck itself.

tumblr
my Hitachi
shimapan
heavy metal
2 other things

kerning.

ankle deep in the blood and bones of my fallen enemies.

the one thing I actually do on the regular is Tuesday night karaoke at the Cat Club. it's always great to see new faces there, so come on out! I can guarantee I will always be there unless I'm really, really sick or out of the country.

I have a non-sexual foot fetish (I think feet are really pretty, and I enjoy drawing them, but I find nothing arousing about them).

I maintain a profile at "seekingarrangement.com" (but most of the guys on there are skeezy).

I live with a chronic disease that has given me faint scars over my entire body, and sometimes puts me in so much pain that I can't walk. it's mostly under control, though.

you can properly execute an em dash—and don't bitch out by using double hyphens.

at least one of your profile pics shows you holding/drinking a beer. I don't wanna go out with any squares.

you're okay with me flirting with like, ten other people in front of you.

you have the looks and/or personality of Toki Wartooth.

definitely message me if:

you have a hot accent
you are from the southern US (but are not racist)
you are a boy with long hair (especially if you tend to wear it in braids)
you are a girl with short hair (partially shaved? all the way shaved?? :D)
you consider yourself totally hot regardless of gender/hair length
you want to chat about metal and/or be my concert buddy
you love cartoons
you can hold your alcohol (but aren't ashamed to puke in the gutter from time to time)
you're a single dad with a brazen kinky streak
I can crash on your couch

if you want to actually "date" me, you should probably be poly. I've never had a monogamous relationship and I expect I never will. I'm pretty fond of dating people who are already in primary relationships/married and are open*, so if that applies to you, hit me up. :]

*that is, dating those types of people one at a time. I have no interest in dating a couple.