Welcome, thanks for clicking by and I hope you're enjoying our New World Disorder. Where ya been? What took ya so long? You think I enjoy being stashed in here with all these dudes? If it smelled like a locker room in here it'd be a vast improvement. If this isn't the most interesting profile you've seen, I'll buy you a congressman of your choice if it, at least, doesn't make your top 500.
Not that I'm a total techno-feeb, but if you tell me you have a bluetooth, I'll suggest you get to a dentist. I was born in central America-- Indiana-- under the sun sign of Virgo on the crisp of Leo which makes me fussy aggressive with a Hoosier twang. At age 7, I left Indy and moved to Nevada to look for work. Opportunities for a lad of my talent, iconoclastic distinctions and proclivities were severely limited east of anywhere. By age 15, I'd learned to wave bye-bye, begun my thesis on laces vs. velcro and saw my upside potential was only limited by my inability to raise my IQ to a number above my body temp.
If life were easy, everyone would be living. Are you? And just having a pulse doesn't count as living. My hamster used to have a pulse until it annoyed the cat one too many times.
Thanks for suspending your realities while you LOL and TAS*. Pick out what you like and recycle the rest. And yes, some of your answers are actually funnier than mine which I greatly appreciate (and pilfer profusely).
I have other less ambiguous visual images I can send you upon request. I'm just trying to slow down the social shoppers whose primary interest is scrounging for man candy like a diabetic trick-or-treater about to turn into a Peeps pumpkin. Let's just find out who's authentic when they proclaim 'sense of humor is most important.'
*twist and shout
What I’m doing with my life
Other than amusing you, I'm trying to stay healthy and relish life's riches before the clock strikes the dirty dozen. I'm fortunate in that I have enough money to last the rest of my life (as long as I die before next Tuesday.)
I’m really good at
(and lying on questionnaires).
The first things people usually notice about me
is that I look better from a distance, after dark and if ya kinda squint. I really don't look my age. I'm actually in my early 60's, but most people guess between late 90's and cadaver. Many people have told me I have a self-defecating kind of humor. I say, it's a dirty job, but...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Office, The Postman, The Notebook, The Beatles, The Olive
Garden, The Late Show, The Outback Steakhouse, The Bodyguard, most
proper names beginning with an article.
Also, Helen Reddy, Janis Joplin, Pink, Katy Perry, Lou Rawls,
Debbie Gibson (the singer-- not the apprentice), Olivia
Newton-John, Norah Jones, Carly Simon, Chicago, Mel Torme', Red
Skelton, Pete Barbutti, Norm MacDonald, Carrie Underwood, Trisha
Yearwood, Dolly Parton (would not), Roy's, Landry's, Blue Man
Group, Enya, Devo, Gilbert Gottfried, Stevie Nix, George Carlin,
Mama's Fish House, Perry Como, The General Store, Miguel's,
Char-Pit, Sprouts, Chart House, Walter Matthau, Shirley MacLaine,
Albert Brooks, Dick Shawn, Marilyn Chambers
The six things I could never do without
are the 7 Dwarfs minus Grumpy (what an a-hole!) chocolate, whimsy, strawberries, joy, optimism, dark chocolate, gratitude, kindness, quest for cleverosity, Belgian chocolate (did I tell you I speak Belch? wanna hear? no ya don't) white chocolate and coloring outside the lines on most occasions. Last, but at least not lasting, the will to live, a living will, the sound of one hand clapping, the growing wrath/scorn of feminine pulchritude, and a 6-pack of Cherry Dr Pepper in a pear tree. (Is that 5 or 6?)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
the loss of three great comedy legends last year-- Joan Rivers, Robin Williams, and Bill Cosby. Also, why can't I find a swimsuit calendar featuring sapiophiles?
On a typical Friday night I am
wondering how people on the east coast are able to live three hours in the future... looking for investors to joint venture a psychic transmission repair shop with me... thinking I should buy Donald Trump a mirror... group texting the number of shopping days 'til my birthday... rejoicing in the outcome of a recent report from my urologist that my bed wetting problem isn't physical-- he says I'm just lazy......
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm a closet heterosexual. I'd really like to come out, but I seemed to have inadvertently locked myself in. I'm hoping someone will find the key to GET ME OUTTA HERE !
You should message me if
No ifs! But, if you know what's good for you, go ahead... make my day. If you've got your poop in a group and can think outside the cube-- not the box. My thoughts are in 3-D. I just wish I had the glasses to see them more clearly and that they were in color instead of b&w. And stop playing hard to get! All of us look better relative to our distance from a mirror. And don't wait for the bleepin' beep!