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30 / F / Straight / Single
Her journal posts
Mar 31, 2009
Beware of men who pretend they want the "fairy tale" relationship instead of the more common friends-with-benefits scenario.
I recently met a guy online who I chatted with for many hours over the course of 2 or 3 days. He seemed so nice and sweet. Funny. Cute. Educated and totally down to earth (or is it Earth?) Our conversations weren't especially noteworthy, but the flirtation was great and I smiled a lot during the chats with him.
However, I am naive. I thought we were actually getting to know one another. I thought he was genuinely interested. I gave away some personal information about myself which, apparently, he found to be off-putting (aka, I have lost a significant amount of weight over the course of 2 years). He pulled a complete 180.
In fact, the fella quit talking to me immediately...after some awkward escape tactics, we ended our chat and he successfully evaded my invitations for more discussion in following days. I am no fool, but I am a glutton for punishment...I tried to open up conversation a few more times over the next couple of days, each to no avail.
He finally returned with some lame excuse that he'd not been signed in...I wasn't sure what to make of the excuses, so I just kept it nice and short...err on the side of self-preservation. Believe me, after being "fat" for many years, I know when someone is blowing me off-and I am aware that weight issues are total deal-breakers for some people (shallow as that may be).
Tonight, I opened up some conversation and he totally changed personality. He accused me of acting like "other English teachers who hated him" and then concluded the conversation by calling me a stupid bitch. I swear, this fella has a couple of screws loose and could stand to grow up, or at least learn how to conduct grown up conversations...he sure fooled me! I thought he was great. Damn I'm bummed out.
PS., ladies, if you want to know his name, email me and I'll be happy to oblige...I could just advise all women to stay away from him, but maybe he's bipolar and it's not his fault. I'm glad I found out what an asshole he was and I certainly wouldn't want any other awesome woman to feel as shitty as I felt tonight. Nobody deserves to be treated with disrespect-and I think we've got to look out for each other gals.
All I know is that I am pretty normal, I am pretty alright, and I'm definitely not stupid (a bitch maybe, but aren't we all?) If I am lacking in any way, I can say with assurance that I'm not the only one :)
Oct 13, 2008
I am kinda quirky myself; I won't lie. I like weird stuff, have crazy thoughts, and sometimes do silly things. But, I'm not odd. I'm "normal" (yeah, normal is a relative term). And, not too ironically, most of the other women I've met online are pretty "normal" as well. They seem like women who're just trying to find men in a new place, just like me. They don't seem deviant, deficient or disturbed.
I have met men who speak with fake accents, men who want to meet immediately for sex, men who like Star Wars a little too much (a little is nerdy-cute)...where are the "normal" men? I know they're out there!
Come on fellas!
Aug 1, 2008
See, there are 6 "paper" tests (actually, these were on a computer) that you must pass in order to get your permit to drive; then, you must take a class that lasts 4hours/day for 5 days; then, you must train with someone in a bus for 20 hours; THEN, you must pass a driving test with a DPS officer.
I was stuck on test #6....Air Brakes. It is the hardest, most failed test they give. I took it 4 times....and turns out, I'm a GENIUS!!! I passed it finally! Watch out roads, I am going to drive a bus!!!!
Jul 28, 2008
Also, the powers that be have deemed I am "More Organized" as well as "More Greedy". I am the most scatterbrained, ill-organized, chaotic people you might meet. My classroom looks like a papermill exploded in it most days and my poor apartment is the victim of my own tornado.
Plus, one of the only personal attributes to which I can certainly and readily admit is my nurturing, people pleasing, generosity. I surround myself with more self-serving people (not a bad thing, but they have severely high expectations of others), while I am the one who forgives, the one who will buy dinner just because, the one who will give you my last dollar if it'll make you happier/more comfortable.
I am not bragging about myself on that account, it's just that I KNOW that one quality exists in me, as it's caused me lots of discomfort in this life. I often find myself being taken advantage of or spread too thin. Greed is most certainly not an issue for me.
So, if you're reading this, I hope that you question the criteria on which these "awards" are based. Don't look at someone's profile and take those labels at face value, either. I am hoping Mr. Right chooses to ignore/overlook my faulty, mislabeled personality awards...because a guy who likes that I'm more conservative, more organized and more greedy will be sorely disappointed when/if he meets me.
Jeez, I'm disappointed to "meet me" everytime I check out my own profile...seems I'm misrepresented by it. :(
Jul 27, 2008
I recently ended a relatively short relationship (but, actually, kind've long for me) and am still sad about him. I am not hung up on him, I just have to work with him, so things at work are going to be tough for a while. I let my guard down with him, and he seemed like he was going to be in my life for a long time. Now, we're trying the "just friends" routine. Does it really work for anyone? I mean, someone like him: narcissistic, shallow, immature, superficial..maybe. But I don't have such "on-the-surface" relationships. I have CLOSE friends, who I respect and am respected by, who I know much about. I don't think I can include this man in that...so does the friend thing ever really work, I wonder?
I think I need to focus my energy on just finding a "real man". Someone who's a doer, not just a sayer. Where are these men? I've yet to find someone...but I'm still looking!