Hi! I normally don’t like being the center of attention or talking about myself. I’m kind of shy like that. But I like writing, so I think I can manage this (but it will get little obnoxious and rambunctious, but that’s what'll happen when there’s nothing/no-one for you to use as a backboard) – just don’t expect me to get up in front of the class and read it.

The "Ethnicity Other" is 1/2 Norwegian and 1/2 Indian. Dot, not feathers.

The "No" isn't a hard "No", but I don't “smoke”. Every once in a while I do like to smoke a clove cigarette or a cigar, usually while drinking, but that's pretty rarely. Regardless, I don't smoke cigarettes.

It's hard to quantify the measurements the words imply, but I feel that I drink more often than "Sometimes" and perhaps a little less often than "Often". But then there are the times when I drink a lot, because sometimes that's what’s warranted.
"Don't drink alone, and don't drink before noon: that may be a sign that you have a problem. So find someone to drink with and you can start drinking before noon like a respectable decent civilized human being."
Civilized. Civilization is the veneer we paint over our animal nature. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very nice varnish that makes a great many things far more pleasant and enjoyable than they would otherwise be. And I like martinis; there is just something about a martini that inescapably, irrefutably, and almost obnoxiously screams “civilized”. You could take the martini out of civilization, but you can’t take the civilized out of a martini.

Religion. Don't start talking to me about religion. Same with astrology. We might as well start talking about aliens and U.F.O.s. Seriously. I don't mind talking about mythology and folklore, history and beliefs, anthropology and archeology, or sci/fi and fantasy, but not if it's going to be put into the context of a religion and faith. As far as I’m concerned, faith and religion are two very different animals. Faith is faith, and religion is politics mixed with hucksters, charlatans, snake oil salesmen (or salespersons), and (most dangerous of all) tyrannical fanatics and zealots.
People can believe whatever they want, however they want, to the extent that they want. Whatever, I don't care. As long as it's not hurting anyone else, I don't have a problem with it. And as long as I don't have to hear about it, or have someone's system of mores imposed upon me, we're still cool.
I'm really quite polite about all of it in person, but don't push me for a candid answer unless you know me well enough. And if you actually know me well enough, it's not a question you'll need to ask me.

On that topic, I usually hate talking about politics. I'm very passionate about politics and, consequently, I don't like talking about it in casual conversation. If we agree (you're intelligent, informed, and rational) then we'd each be preaching to the choir; it'd be an intellectual discussion equivalent to mental mutual masturbation.
If we don't agree, and you can't think/speak/reason beyond crap you're regurgitating from what you've ingested from the radio/TV, or you're putting forth arguments and examples that are fundamentally (or blatantly) false or erroneous, then I really don't need to try to have an intelligent conversation with you.
I don't care if you have "conservative" views; that's cool. There are “old-school” Republicans whose views, beliefs, and reasonings I can respect. And there are even a couple of (definitely old-school) Republican politicians that I even "like". As long as it can all be discussed in a thoroughly intelligent, informed, and reasoned manner; it’s all just peachy.
EDIT: Ok, I might be wrong. For some reason I was under the impression that Sen. Robert Byrd was a Republican. He isn’t - wasn’t. This may force me to severely re-evaluate my sentiments as a whole in that previous statement.
But if you think Regan was one of our greatest presidents, that religion has a place in politics or schools, deficit spending is without horrible consequences, that we needed to invade Iraq, there were WMDs, that privatization works, the outing of a CIA agent wasn't such a big deal, that deregulation is good for business and therefore America, any government involvement or regulation is akin to Socialism, that Fascism is fundamentally a politically liberal ideology, America was founded as a "Christian" nation, that Limbaugh/Hannity/O'Reilly are credible political commentators, Bachmann/Palin are creditable political figures, or ... you could indiscriminately interchange the words Socialist, Fascist, Communist, and Poopyhead; then there’s no need for us to have a pointless conversation that will be a complete waste of my time. I can do without the fucking headache.
Politics I can be not so polite about. Thankfully people in the mid-west use the weather for idle chit-chat.
All that said; I don’t mind talking about news and current events related to politics ... I still smile when the "Tea-Baggers" make the news. And sometimes mental mutual masturbation is ok. I just prefer to avoid it.

I like kids. Kids like me. But I don't think I want any. I think the well-behaved ones can be fun to hang out with. But I’ve never had a kid, and I don’t know if I want the responsibility. Kids on loan are a lot more fun.
I love how kids are always exploring, questioning, gullible, learning, and asking the goofiest things. And I think it’s pretty funny when a kid can stump me with the seemingly simplest of questions.

I'm really a very laid-back person, and I'm actually kind of a shy person. I tend to have a hard time meeting new people, and I can be quite comfortable just keeping to myself. Which is bad if you're interested in meeting new people and dating. I'm very good at being social (so I've been told), I'm just not good at injecting myself into new groups.

Right now, aside from being fortunate enough to have a decent job, I like what I do working at a non-profit (research and data collection).

Otherwise, I need to get out more and stop being so much of an introvert. So, right now, I am making an effort to meet new people and to try to branch out to new social venues.
It sounds so silly, really. Just walking up to someone and saying “Hi” is so simple and easy, but it’s kinda not ... for some people. I know many extroverts and, for as much as I can find some of their behaviors annoying, I do often envy them.

I like examining how things work and finding ways around things, or how to "break" them. I think that's fun. I like examining logic, rules, structures, and some games for that reason. And I've found out that you can really piss some people off doing that.

I have no idea. That would be a question for other people.

"Character is what you are in the dark."

I like books; I'm a bit of a bibliophile. I'm not a horrible collector type, but I know a few, and I could have that trait, so I've worked to rid myself of some potential bad tendencies and inclinations. I’m not going to talk about books; it’d just be too long. I like to read, I’ve taken a lot of literature and writing classes, I do own a lot of books, ... and let’s just leave it at that.

In general, I don't like watching TV; I don't have cable TV. Some of the things I did like to watch are: food shows on the Travel Channel and some Food Network shows, Tosh.0, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, stand-up comedy stuff, ... some random stuff off the History Channel, and ... I'm not sure. I do like several of the British comedy shows (like The Mighty Boosh, Red Dwarf, Black Adder, etc). ... Not too much has held my interest over time. Just about everything, as far as TV goes, is better on DVD. And, by and large, I think most of the stuff on television is swimming in a cesspool.
I think that the best damn sketch comedy show EVER was Kids in the Hall.
I don't see many movies. I have seen a lot of movies, but I'm not exactly current on the movies I would like to see. (No, I did not just contradict myself.) This leaves me in a favorable position of wanting to watch a lot of (what I am still hoping are) good movies with someone ... as long as they haven't already seen all of these supposedly good movies that I just never got around to seeing ... or are willing to watch them again. Ok, maybe I’m not in such a favorable position, maybe I need to find someone who is as bad about watching movies that they want to see as I am. In the age of Netflix, how sad is this? Oh, yeah, and I don't subscribe to Netflix either. But I'm still not sure why on that one.
But I really do like good movies a lot (Who doesn't, right?), but this is part of why I hate watching movies in theaters. One: I don't like other people who distract from the movie. Especially noisy eaters. Two: I hate movies that suck. And so many do. Nothing is more of a waste of an evening than going to a theater and sitting through a mediocre or bad movie. So, again, I prefer watching stuff on DVD (after I get to watch some clips and read some reviews). If you're going to watch a stupid movie, it's better to watch it with friends where you can laugh, and comment about the movie, and try to make light of how bad it is.
Some movies that I really like (and maybe own): Brazil, Blade Runner, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The Princess Bride, The Iron Giant, The Thing, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, the LotR trilogy, the Star Wars trilogy (Han shot first), the Indiana Jones trilogy, The Mummy, Office Space, Labyrinth, The Call of Cthulhu, Dr. Strangelove, The Life Aquatic, Lost in Translation, Let the Right One In, Super Size Me, Boondock Saints, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, the Dead Poets Society, The Razor’s Edge, The Breakfast Club, The Usual Suspects, Monty Python ... stuff, Max Manus, Shaun of the Dead, Highlander, Zombieland, Defendor, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hellboy, ... blah, blah, blah. There are lots.
The "Horror" movies I like are more thrillers, not slasher/gore flicks (The Changeling, with George C. Scott, was the first "scary" movie to really impress me and it set a pretty high standard). I have a fondness for zombie movies, and I’m inclined to try to watch them even if I know they’re going be a bit cheesey. I also like old movies, like old Hitchcock films, or Karloff and Chaney, or any old gem.
My guilty pleasures are: Revolt of the Zombies, Attack of the Killer Shrews, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, ... well, there are a lot of those too. I like good "bad movies". I also like MST3K. But some of these movies I do genuinely like (i.e.: Revolt of the Zombies), it's not their fault that they were made they way they were. I also like some "stupid" movies, like Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs or Run Ronnie Run. I have no idea why, but I thought CwaCoM was hysterically funny. I still want a talking Steve plush toy.

For the most part, I don't like country music. Cash is one of the few obvious exceptions to this. I'm also not fond of rap/hip-hop. There are a few exceptions to this as well, but I feel less interested in trying to name any of them. I do like just about all other styles of music. And, though I haven't lately, I really like going to concerts at the 7th Street Entry, First Ave, Fine Line, and other smaller venues. I don't really hang out with the musicians that I used to, so I don't often have the reasons to go like I used to.
On a side note: I don't like Pandora.com that much, it tends to annoy me. It keeps injecting crappy music into my perfectly good music/artist selections, which is why I don't really bother to turn on a radio.
Music that I do like: Tom Waits, Modest Mouse, Jethro Tull, Collective Soul, Soul Coughing, Morphine, Housebreaker, Cage the Elephant, The Goobey Band, 4 on the Floor, Tori Amos, Liz Phair, The Police, The Black Crows, The Pretenders, Tracy Bonham, Talking Heads, KMFDM, Garbage, Jack Off Jill, The Who, the Stones, Primitive Radio Gods, Dada, Foo Fighters, Pixies, The White Stripes, Rancid, U2, Moxy Fruvous, House of Freaks, Fugazi, Queen, NIN, Rob Zombie, Beck, The Reverend Horton Heat, Beastie Boys, Eurythmics, Lords of Acid, Conjure One, Suzan Vega, Crash test Dummies, RUSH, Bowie, Iggy Pop, Peter Gabriel, Kravitz, Pink, Nick Cave, Whale, AC/DC, Incubus, Offspring, The Presidents Of The United States Of America, Violent Femmes, Green Day, Adam Ant, Elvis Costello, Toadies, ... Bach, Chopin, Gershwin, Vivaldi, Guaraldi, Celtic punk, and the list goes on and on. I love music/bands that can bring in bagpipes, accordions, or other such instruments and really rock it.
Even if it's a spoof: www.rathergood.com/pop_stasi

I'm a Foodie. I like food. I can have pointless, yet passionate, conversations about food with anyone for so as long as they can manage to maintain a plausible facade of interest. I love television shows about food (Anthony Bourdain, Bizarre Foods, Man v. Food, Good Eats, America's Test Kitchen, etc).
And I like Rachel Ray, damn it. I don't know why so many people find it popular to bash her, but I like Rachel Ray. Alright, "like" is a bit strong, but I think she's OK.
I enjoy going out to eat. I like trying new things, I like variety, and I have a hard time choosing so I tend to order multiple things. I like BBQ and grilling, I love veggie pizzas, cheeseburgers, Mexican food, Asian food, Indian food, … food. Ok, I love food.
But I HATE mayonnaise. I don’t like ketchup, but I absolutely hate mayonnaise. No joke, it’ll make me gag.
And I think serving flavored chips (like Doritos) with a good salsa or dip is tantamount to a sin.
I like all-you-can-eat sushi places! Like Ichiban! It’s so fun to sit at the island and just watch the little boats of sushi go ‘round-n-‘round. I was there once when the sushi chefs were singing the Scooby-Doo theme song while making the sushi and taking requests - that was awesome.
And curry. I really like curry.
Food can be like porn, food is like sex: it appeals to our basest cravings and hungers, it promises to gratify and satisfy, and it entices us to experience the delicious and decadent through sensuous indulgence.
Ok, that might be a little over the top, but I do really like food.
As such, I also prefer good booze. I can't stand the cheap piss macro-brew beers (Budweiser, Miller, Coors, etc). I like good whiskey, preferably Scotch or Irish whiskey. And I'm also particular about my gin and vodka. Good gin is awesome. Good vodka is awesome, too. And vodka should not try to be like gin. I think a gin & tonic, or a well made martini, is absolutely fabulous. I also like vodka cranberries.
... But, for as much as I love fun & exotic foods (that’s relative to me, I know) and locations of interest and character, I HATE pretentious and trendy places. I don’t know why, but I just can’t buy into that b.s.; such places grate upon my nerves and offend both my sophisticated and my vulgar sensibilities. I start cursing under my breath, my voice takes on the edge of a slight growl, my mood becomes very dark and cynical, and the person who’s to blame for me being there will start catching dirty looks and nasty comments from me. I can’t help it. I hate pretentious and trendy shit-holes ... along with everyone, and everything, present there. I think it’s something that's buried deep within my reptilian brain.
I am much more into substance over style, quality over presentation, and (when cuisine is the focus) food over ambiance.

I like games. I like board games, but not the board games I remember my parents having (Monopoly, Sorry, Life, Risk, etc); I like the board games that are highlighted on the site BoardGameGeek.com (German-style, Euro, Designer board games). I own a lot of board games, it’s almost embarrassing, but I really like board games. So I’m going to move on to the next thing. ... I like mechanical puzzles (a.k.a. physical or 3D puzzles), like the classic Tavern Puzzles. I like word games and puzzles (like Bookworm™) and newspaper crosswords (I do mine in pen). I like computer and video games. I love airhockey, I wish I knew where there was still a decent airhockey table some where in Minneapolis (and maybe someone can show me where one is).
I also like Frisbee golf. It’s fun. I don’t like the murky, swampy, nasty water hazards, but it’s still fun.
And I like BOCCE BALL! Could there be a better game to play while drinking? You don’t have to hit the little white ball; you just have to get close enough. That’s all! Just “close enough” enough times, more “close enough” than the other guys, and you win! I like the Half Time Rec best, the warped ground makes it all just that much more interesting.

I like biking. I have a couple of bikes, and I'd like a couple more. I need some bikes that are good for just street cycling. I used to have some really nice bikes, but they were all stolen. I'm still fairly pissed-off about that.
I also like rollerblading, but I really suck at it. I can't stop myself without using a light post, sign post, tree, or other large immovable object to crash into. I always wear the wrist-guards (I'm too damn scared of what could happen to not wear those), and often the knee-guards, even though I'm pretty darn good at not falling down. And while rollerblading at 2 in the morning, while drunk, may sound like a great idea ... it's really not. The parked cars are hard enough to navigate; thankfully I've never had to contend with a moving one.

My favorite sport is Roller Derby. I love Roller Derby. I can watch Roller Derby. Roller Derby is so cool. I get giddy just thinking about Roller Derby. Roller Derby.

I like thunder storms, especially the electric ones in winter. I like warm rain showers and I like snowfalls of big fluffy snowflakes. They're better than TV. But I don't like wind. Thunder storms and snowfalls without winds aren't too common, but I often like to stand out in them when they do happen.

What a stupid question.

Oxygen. Water. Sleep. Food. My brain. Internet.

Actually, I think soap is the cornerstone of civilization (and other personal hygiene products: toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, and more soap). Well ... any civilization worth bragging about. It makes being civilized that much more enjoyable, and possible. Especially in a crowded, high density civilization.
Soap and hot water.
And a good sewage/sanitation system.
But, most of all, soap.

What helped the Scandinavian Vikings (specifically the Danes, or Anglo-Danes) settle, integrate, expand, and survive across the western world so successfully?
Frequent raiding? Brutality? Ship building? Looting and pillaging skills?
Nope.
They bathed freakishly often (by medieval standards) - once a week. And they even made efforts to regularly comb their hair.
They were often mocked and ridiculed by those of Anglo, Saxon, and Norman roots, who saw their bathing habits as strange and unnatural. But I read one account from an Anglo-Saxon author who, while writing a criticism of the Danes for their ineloquent language and bizarre bathing regimen, did comment on how they still seemed to be inexplicably successful with the ladies regardless of their strange mannerisms and habits.
Civilization: cleanliness and women. One might have more influence over the other, but without them I don’t think civilization would be quite so appealing.
Of course, I can’t say I would envy those Danes who were inexplicably successful with the ladies; those ladies referred to in that comment still had bathing habits akin to those of the criticizing author (which would be along the lines of considering a bath once every year to be close to excessive).

So, even though I didn't list soap as one of "six things I could never do without”, I sure as hell would miss it.

Stuff. I think about all kinds of random stuff all the time. Over-thinking things. I think about lots of things all the time, I'm often lost in my thoughts. That's why I also work very hard at not thinking about things; crossword puzzles help with that quite well.
Cooking stuff, games and mechanics, things I've read, conversations I've had, Machu Picchu, where/what I want to eat, words and sentence structures (rhythms, rhymes, homophones, and things you can do by changing them around), stuff I've watched, random people/things that pass by, where can I get a Sock Monkey costume like the one in those car commercials, surviving an armageddon (e.g.: zombie apocalypse), stuff I'd like to (or need to) purchase, why traveling faster than the speed of light supposedly creates time-travel instead of just making the images that the light is carrying seem to simply play backwards or forwards like images on a reel of film. General everyday stuff.

... who knows. I never do. Typically speaking, I'm usually out or at home.

I wear boxers ... I can't whistle ... ?

I'm probably willing to admit more than that, but I just haven't thought of what that might be.

... if you've read this far. Otherwise I have no idea why you would have read this far.

Seriously, I'd be really amazed if anyone really read this thing all the way through.