I'm Dave - you'd never guess from the username, would you? I like cats, steak and accurate spelling.

I sometimes wish I were Bernard Black, but I usually have better hygiene.

I often wish I were more practical.

Evangelical rationalist. Religion alternately annoys and baffles me. This includes ridiculous, faith-as-fashion-statement nu-religions. See also alt-med, astrology etc.

Football leaves me cold. Really, I don't understand it. Stupid, tribal bullshit, that seems entirely exempt from normal social rules.

Apparently if I add to this thing, I get points towards having a complete profile. So go random point allocations! Woo!

At some point I may even add something remotely serious to this profile, but it doesn't seem likely. Woe :(

Fairly nerdy stuff. It's not cool, to be honest.

Riding around on my new bicycle like a kid at christmas.

Growing loads of food. Beans, peas, and chillies at the moment.

Posting too often on Urban75

Waggling my ears.

Spellign.

Self deprecation.

Self depreciation.

Cooking, as long as it's stuff I'm likely to eat - probably not too much greenery there.

Cussing your mum.

My lack of height - I am a weenie little bloke at 5'6. I am very bitter about this and one day someone will pay, oh yes.

I stick my tongue out to show off the piercing far too often.

You might also notice the overwhelming odour of brimstone. I'm sorry, but I don't know where that's coming from :(

A) Iain Banks, Iain M Banks, Terry Pratchett, Julian May, Stephen Donaldson, Warren Ellis, Neil Gaiman, Robert Rankin, Alan Moore, Spike Milligan, Roger Hargreaves. Yes, I know these are authors, not books. Shut up. I sometimes worry that there's some significance to the fact that there's only one female author in that list. So lets add Jane Austen, as well. She's pretty fun. I used to read loads when I was younger. Now I have things like work to worry about that's not so often :( I still read loads, though a fire a couple of years ago took most of my books (sob!). I'm probably down to a couple of hundred. Oh, and Charlie Brooker is a writer rather than an author, but I think I'd let him lay eggs in my brain.

I've read too many comics. But they're a perfectly valid modern literary medium. No, you shut up. Warren Ellis's stuff is always good.

The God Delusion should be required reading at school. And required beating around the head for Yanqi fundies.

B) Donnie Darko, Kill Bill, Near Dark, Back to the Future I and II (not III), Fight Club, Royal Tenenbaums, Orlando, Secretary, Transformers the Movie, most of Kevin Smith's films, none of the Star Wars films, The Aristocrats. If you can think of some cool, poser-ish film references to add here, just assume I listed them.

C) RATM, and other bands, too. I tend to listen to all sorts of stuff but I'm too lazy to buy any. Insipid R+B shit makes me want to scrub my ears out with bleach. Especially when it spouts tinnily from a yoot's mobile phone. Gogol Bordello are excellently bouncy fun. Nouvelle Vague are lovely and floaty-light. I've just been introduced to Tom Waits. He's rather excellent. Cassetteboy - lovely lovely lovely. Scroobius Pip's pretty good, isn't he?

D) Cheese. I've yet to find a cheese I don't like. Rare / Blue steak, too. Poutine: wonderful stuff, although you can almost hear your arteries clanging shut while you eat it. Far too much unhealthiness, essentially, but gourmet unhealthiness for the most part, rather than junk food.

E) They seem to have missed the television option out. Ah well. I watch a lot of comedies. Green Wing, Black Books, Alan Partridge, anything from Chris Morris, Fifteen Storeys High, The Mighty, Mighty Boosh. Invader Zim for the win. Ulysses 31 is currently giving me much nostalgic satisfaction.

More documentaries on BBC4, recently, too. And not just so that I have something a little more highbrow to put on my OkCupid profile. Mainly that, though.

True Blood is simply awesome.

My laptop (sad, but true). A comfy sofa. Access to booze. Cheese. Kitchen. Sax.

Ruby on Rails. Oh yes, baby - I'm all about the Web2.0

I'm sure I think about non-IT related stuff too... Like Cavemen vs Astronauts - who would win?

Is a "Woo" to do with old fashioned romance and wooing? Or it it just like someone on an American sitcom who feels that applause doesn't communicate approval well enough, and that howling like a baboon is the only option?

Why am I still un-tattooed? They can be very pretty. The concept of self-adornment in that way really appeals to me: The thought of saying "fuck how it'll look in 50 years, it'll look fantastic _now_! And, to be fair, we'll all look like shit in 50 years, tattooed or not, so why worry?

It's probably because I've not decided on anything sufficiently meaningful to me yet. Or because I never get the money together. Or because I've not found a tattooist whose work I like enough yet. Or because I'm hideously disorganised. Ah well. One of these days...

Cranking.

After a laboratory accident, I acquired feline superpowers. However, these essentially involve the ability to sleep 18 hours a day and urine that kills grass.

I have a habit of saying really dirty or tasteless things and thinking they're funny. You might get pissed off, but I won't really even be sorry.

:(

I have a severe phobia of zombies - plans have already been drawn up in case of zombiegeddon. First step is to destroy the stairs.

I have my own teeth and hair. Also a collection of other people's.

I do my best, but I keep being sarcastic to computers. I'm well aware of how ineffective it is, but just can't help myself.

You don't think "message" is a verb.

You can lick your own elbow. Or mine.

You can shoot lasers from your eyes.

Your hair is dyed a strange colour.

Your hair is naturally a strange colour.

You have a monkey knife fight tattooed on your forehead.

Or you'd like one.

You are a peripatetic music teacher who solves crimes in their spare time.

Your name really, really is Daisy.

You want to join me in hating Gillian McKeith.

You are a Real Woman. I'm getting fed up with imaginary ones.

Don't even think of contacting me if your profile is written in txtspk. It makes my eyes sad :(

Piercings and tattoos are a plus point. Even though I only have one of the former and none of the latter *rolls eyes*.