Regardless of this profile, which I obviously paid the neighbor kid to write for me, I'm a pretty boring person. You don't have to be to date me or be my friend, but it might help.

I don't know what color dot I have... probably red because I spent several months marked as bisexual, getting jillions of messages from guys, and responding to very few. I always respond to non-guys. (Theoretically. I get messages from so few.)

I am 30 years old, I have an MA in Philosophy (so, as you might imagine, I'm quite wealthy), and I have an appreciation for the color purple (especially heliotrope.) I like cats, quiet time, and the idea of video games. I don't eat anything with a brain. I'm currently depressed beyond all reason because my favorite sandals broke.

If your job is to wield force at the behest of a government, keep walking.

I'm a trans woman*, ** and I'm pretty damn queer, being into folks of all genders. Mostly, I'm into women (cis or trans) and genderqueer folk. I'm attracted to men, but mostly scared shitless of them, so like... sorry guys. I tried setting my profile bi for a long time and never really wrote any guys back. (Sorry, guys.) Oh and I'm anti-racist so don't be afraid to write me if you're not the same color as I am. Even though I'm kinda afraid to write you. (b/c you're a person, not b/c of your race.)

I'm also pretty polyamorous. So. Y'know. That speaks toward compatibility and whatnot. In fact, I'm really only looking to be a "secondary" partner at the moment. I don't have the energy for an all-consuming romance. So if you're looking for a relationship in the one-date-per-month to one-date-per-week range, hit me up.

Oh, plus I'm liberal (not actually liberal as in liberal but liberal as in left. I assume I'm talking to Americans here, mostly) as fuck-all, so if you even suspect for a second that that could be a problem for you, assume that it is and move along, before I redistribute your wealth. (Not a joke. I will take your shit and give it to Mexicans.)

Chaotic Good is the best alignment.

Asexuals: I might date you.
Sexuals: I might date you, too.

I'm looking for friends and romantic relationships, not casual sex. I'm obviously typing this for my health, since the people looking for casual sex won't read it.

* Transsexual. Tranny. Trap. Shemale. (but lay off the last three if you want to stay in my good graces.) By the way, if you're not cool with the idea of dating a trans person, don't even talk to me. I'm not interested in knowing you. If you message me without regard for this warning (whether because you didn't care or didn't read it), I will find a way to (legally) shock you in the balls*** with a stun gun for wasting my time. So be on the watch-out for that.

** I don't really buy this whole binary gender jazz that people seem hung up on. I don't have the gender pole we name "woman" crammed up my ass or anything, but I'm standing near enough to it I'm comfortable saying that's where I am. If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, don't panic and read queer blogs.

*** Oddly enough, it's always cis guys who message without reading.

I am engaged in an ongoing process of self-repair. (Though I often forget what I'm supposed to be doing and tear myself down, instead.)

Philosophy, arguing, and complaining. Are you in love, yet?

I am talking down to them, because I am arrogant. And also tall.

music:
Anti-Flag, the Ataris, The Bangles, Bad Religion, Belinda Carlisle, Billy Joel, Blondie, Buzzcocks, Choking Victim, The Cranberries, Cock Sparrer, Cyndi Lauper, Dead Milkmen, Dead Kennedys, Flogging Molly, Fifteen, Generation X, Green Day, Heart, Jewel, Kimya Dawson, Leftover Crack, Like of the Conchords (a Flight of the Conchords tribute band that is slightly more popular than Flight of the Conchords), Lisa Loeb, Madonna, MC Hawking, Melissa Etheridge, No Doubt, NOFX, Pat Benatar, Pennywise, Pearl Jam, Pink, Rage Against the Machine, Rancid, X-Ray Spex
food: pizza?

books: Mostly trashy fantasy paperbacks (dragons and magic, not pectorals carved from stone and windswept hair.)

movies: I don't really watch movies too often... too big of a time commitment going in. Rarely do I ever say to myself "Hey, here's a 2+ hour block of time I'd like to discard." However, I'll happily watch a season of a TV show in a weekend. It's a lot easier for me to commit ten hours via serial hour or half-hour segments than to commit two hours in one grand decision. Yes, I'm fucked up.
That said... SLC Punk, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Repo Man, Anchorman, The Producers (2005), ... But I'm A Cheerleader!, Dune (1984)

TV shows: Doctor Who, The Office, Battlestar Galactica (except for the last episode, which ruined everything, goddamnit... I'd rather they'd Newharted it.), Arrested Development, Six Feet Under, Rome, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Veronica Mars, Trailer Park Boys, Star Trek (any star trek except Enterprise, really... I haven't given that one a chance. Deep Space Nine is my favorite, though Janeway is my favorite Captain. (I welcome arguments about this.))
Supernatural is my latest addiction. It has the best supporting cast of any show on television. Plus I am kinda in love with Sam Winchester and Castiel. (Two crushes on one show, so I am heavily biased.)

1. Chairman Meow, my cat. (She's a girl... the joke doesn't work with "Chairperson Meow".)
2. Cottage cheese.
3. Internets.
4. Punk Rock.
5. Roguelikes
6. The Hit Music of the 1980's.

How hilarious it will be when the zombie apocalypse comes. I'll make everyone around me think that I'm the best-prepared, and they'll follow me and rely on me... and then the first time a zombie runs at us and they look to me for direction, I'll immediately commit suicide. I'm not getting eaten by a zombie! That's not how this bitch is going down! =(

... Nah, just kidding, here's my real plan. (I heard zombies are unfashionable now so I moved this to a journal entry.)
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Just how in the hell can Universe Man be the size of the entire universe, and have a watch with a minute-hand? (This also got moved to a journal entry, because these damn kids today don't even know this song.)

Droppin' logos like it's hot.

Trying to figure out whose brains would be the tastiest. Retirees are right out: their brains are full of crossword puzzles and Morley Safer.

Hoping the great war is swift.

I reject creation and would undo it if I could. I challenge you to talk me out of it.

I earnestly believe that ad hominem is a deductively valid argument form. Unfortunately this effectively means that my epistemology suffers from a kind of implosion whereby all propositions are false.

My memory is really, really shitty. This causes me to do things like read over messages I've sent or have been sent to me several times, frequently hours apart... I also view profiles five or six times before realizing that I've viewed them before. On the bright side, you can say one funny thing to me in a message, and I'll probably laugh at it three or four separate times.

I have ridiculously bad and sadly untreatable (nonstimulants don't work, stimulants make me manic) ADHD. annnd bipolar disorder and PTSD, but you see the fruit of that somewhat less in this profile.

I'm a little less arrogant than I pretend to be on the internet. Still, if you aren't even a little amused by the act, you'll fucking hate me. And really, if you hate me you've gone very wrong somewhere. 'cause I'm terrific.

I'm sometimes bothered by competitive games. Cooperative games or single-player games tend to be much more fun for me.

I am on a mission to prove transhumanist singularity theory false by showing the internet how brilliantly stupid it really is.

I've recently started playing Dungeons and Dragons (3.5) again, and it's awesome.

I voted for George W. Obama. Trick me once, shame on you, trick me every election cycle for my entire life, shame on me.

*This is a list of successive or statements, not and statements*

... you want to start an argument with me about an opinion I expressed in my profile, journal, or my match question explanations.

... you want to have a conversation that goes nowhere, and/or a regulation date that ends in regulation disappointment.

... no, really, message me if you want to go out on a date.

... you'd like to invite me to play a tabletop RPG with you.

... you count yourself as a Heraclitean.

... you want to get ridiculously high, put the Matthew Broderick/Nathan Lane version of "The Producers" on repeat, and dance Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop all night long. Note: This has been in my profile for a good long while, and someone just recently expressed to me that they took it for innuendo. I assure you, whatever else I may or may not be down for, if you cite this part of my profile in asking me out, you had better be prepared to actually watch The Producers and attempt to dance (the worse you are the better!)

... you are out of my league. Even if you're a guy. Jason Bateman, Nathan Fillion, this means you.

... you are an American Gladiatrix.

... you are so liberal that you kinda want to vote Republican just to hasten the end of the world and put us all out of our misery.

... you are Michelle Obama. (Barry don't gots to know about it. ;) )

... you are or enjoy Tristan Taormino.

... you've ever aborted the effort to complete an OkCupid test because of the author's poor grammar or spelling... even though the error was exceedingly minor.

... you've ever written to an advice columnist to bitch about the shoddy advice they gave someone or some bigoted or ignorant attitude they explicitly or implicitly endorsed.

... you have animals (reptiles, dogs, big kitties, little kitties, etc) for me to meet.

... you're a male crossdresser. There's a better than average chance I'm into you. But be warned: I will probably talk you into going out in public like that.

... you're a girl who thinks you might be bi or gay and are looking to experiment with a girl and eventually rip her heart out of her ass and make her feel like a stupid whore for giving you a chance.

... you want to intelligently criticize my zombie preparedness plan and/or my idea for Universe Man's watch.

... you cheated on the LOLcat quiz to get Longcat, or you cried watching the flash animation "Longcat's Song."

... you smoke weed every day. (you don't have to, but I generally do for medical reasons unless I am travelling out of state.)

... you have an evil plan.

Oh yeah, and I probably won't message you first unless you say something that just makes me want to interrogate the shit out of you. Especially if you live in Berkeley/Oakland/SF, because in my experience y'all refuse to talk to anybody outside of your respective cities, as if people on the periphery never make it to town or something. :'P