I'm David and I am 100% real. No whisker fishing going on here. But besides actually being the guy in my photos what else is there that makes me irresistible? Well, I can pat my head and rub my belly at the same time. If that skill is not enough to win you over then your standards are way too high. But if you need more persuasion I also possess the ability to cook beyond frozen or microwavable food, can drive like a sane person in Michigan (which is rare, let's admit), and most important the decency to not take shirtless selfies in a mirror. My concern isn't girls thinking I am self-absorbed but believing I don't own shirts. I promise you I have plenty of shirts to cover my upper body.
I received a Masters in Social Work from GVSU and work as a substitute teacher till I find something in my field. But I get to work with some great faculty and students so I am pretty happy. Plus I have my social life back after grad school, which I really did miss. I am also trying to get back into shape. I'm much slimmer than I was, but still don't look like Ryan Gosling with my clothes off. If anything I look better...barring you wear super strong beer goggles. For fun I like Artprize, going for walks and biking Kent Trails, trying new breweries and restaurants, and going to local events offered in Grand Rapids. I attended GR Comic Con this year and loved it, mainly because I had an excuse to dress up and mingle with fellow cosplayers.
What I am looking for? Oh, just that happily ever after Disney made us believe in. Easy, right? Well if it only took a few hours and befriending talking animals to meet our special someone but being on here is hopefully a start. I want somebody that can openly communicate, provides emotional support, and wants to share lots of intimate moments down the road. Emphasis on that last one. Women want that stuff too, don't lie. Finally I would like somebody who has a sense of humor, or at least appreciates mine. Aren't girls always saying they want a funny man anyways?
What I’m doing with my life
Preparing to rule the world. I still need a queen for when this event occurs. I am currently accepting applications until the position is filled. Offers great benefits, like the entire planet for starters.
I’m really good at
Stopping dragons. Ask yourself when was the last time you saw a dragon in West Michigan? Exactly. I work behind the scenes so you never are aware. I don't think anything like Smaug will be on the locals news for torching Grand Rapids so no need to thank me. Besides, my skills have moved on to spiders. So if you need somebody to protect you from eight legged demons I'm your man.
The first things people usually notice about me
My butt apparently, probably because my wallet is there most of the time. I do have quite the sexy piece of leather so I can't blame anybody. After all it holds all my membership cards that can get me deals if we head out on adventures. And I have been told I'm easy to talk to even without adventure time.
People also comment on how I look younger than my age. But at least they don't say I look like a kid; I would have grandmas pinching my cheeks left and right!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Bartimaeus Trilogy, The Corrections and The Other Side of the River.
Movies: Jurassic Park, Crash, Pan's Labyrinth, The Shawshank Redemption, Lord of the Rings trilogy, American Beauty, A History of Violence, How to Train Your Dragon, The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Princess Bride
TV: Mainly sports like Detroit Red Wings, Michigan football and the Detroit Lions (yes, I apparently like to torture myself like many Michiganders), but I also like Family Guy, American Dad, Robot Chicken, Rick and Morty and Modern Family.
Music: Classic rock and metal. I like Metallica, Boston, Van Halen, Nirvana, Tool and Foo Fighters to name a few.
Food: Anything that tastes good, particularly Italian, seafood and Chinese. But more important anything good for my body. That thing called metabolism is starting to slow down even at my age.
The six things I could never do without
1. The internet. Sad how dependent on technology life has become. But how else would I have made this profile to meet an awesome girl?
2. A sense of humor
3. My friends
4. Food and water. There is a slight chance I might die if I do not have any sustenance in my body.
5. Hygiene items like soap, shampoo, etc. Guys kind of stink in a hurry when they don't bathe, and last time I checked I was still a guy.
6. A bed, or anything to sleep on. I am getting older, the body doesn't have the internal stamina of a horse anymore.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 but hot dog buns come in packages of 8? If a tree falls down in the forest and hits a mime, does anybody care? What if the hokey pokey is not what it is all about? Does eating too many Twinkies really make you stupid? Is that why most people are idiots these days, because of over-consumption of yellow sponged cream cakes? You might laugh but somebody needs to seriously ponder these world altering thoughts.
On a typical Friday night I am
I am working the poles on weekends...just kidding. I think if I had the body and contortion of an exotic dancer mixed with my colorful personality I would be taken already. I usually go out to eat or try anything new to recover from my long week. Or I sleep. I'm getting older and tearing up the club every weekend isn't as appealing anymore.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I shower naked. I don't find the experience refreshing or cleansing with clothes on. Legend says when I was a baby I popped a bear's head off...legend also says it was probably a teddy bear. I also have been told Johnny Knoxville is my doppelgänger. I however don't pull nearly as much stupid crap as him though.
You should message me if
You have a super model body, make millions, can ride a narwhal...the basic demands people look for in an online partner, right? Well maybe I am being a little facetious with my examples but I don't do silly deal breakers in search of the perfect partner, since none exists. We are all just two flawed individuals who hopefully don't want to chuck one another into the Grand River after an outing. That river is gross, any girl who shoved me in is not getting a hug at the end of the night. And I give really good hugs in my arrogant opinion. Think of it like a python squeezing a rabbit but without getting eaten.
But in all seriousness (okay, some seriousness) hit me up if my humor made you spit out whatever you were drinking, believe the only games to play in relationships include words like Monopoly or Battleship, believe in making someone a priority and not an option, and take dating seriously. I'm pretty serious about developing a meaningful relationship with a person. So if everything checks out let's give things a go and see what adventures are in store for us.