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36 Hornbeck, LA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 25–46
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Aug 31
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Full figured
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Banking / Finance
Rather not say
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Latin (Poorly), French (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Updated May 10, 2012

I recently cleared all my match questions (I'd answered 2,775 over the course of my time here) and am slowly re-answering them to better reflect my views. So my match numbers are going to be screwy for a while.

Answering all these questions again sucks. But I am going to stick with it, because if you can't do things you hate on the internet, where can you do them?

I'm trying to get over my lifelong shyness. That means I may look over your profile several times before finally deciding to write to you.

Apply for your post in my new world order today.

I am currently taking applications again for the position of Consort (that's what I'm here for, after all). A good Consort is hard to find; most people don't want to wear the costume more than once a week.

I am not looking for a project, and I will not be anyone's project. It's natural, I think, for partners in a relationship to help each other grow and change, but it is not my job to "fix" you, and it is not your job to "fix" me.

I rarely wear makeup (two or three times a year at most) but my toenails are usually painted.

I'm kind of shy, but I'm very chatty once I reach a level of comfort with someone; depending on the other person, that could be sooner or later. I like to talk about almost everything--politics, religion, why people behave how they do. By talk, I mean open, civil (though sometimes heated) discussion--not rudeness, closedmindedness, or curt dismissal of other views. I have a thing for geeks or anyone who is an expert at something and shows their knowledge gracefully. Computer geeks, musicians, people who can build things--in my view, they're all worthy of appreciation. I am not easy-going; I laugh a lot, but I am also a serious person. I've got a quick temper but I don't hold grudges. I tend to be a nitpicky worrier. (Wait, where are you going?)

I am monogamous. I don't do well in polyamorous relationships, so I stay out of them, to be fair to both myself and others. This means no couples, even if the two of you are really cute. I don't want to date a couple, play with a couple, date either member of a couple, or play with either member of a couple.

I am also not interested in any kind of fling with a single person either. Casual sex and I do not mix well. It may seem that stating this explicitly is a bit much, but trust me, enough people just aren't getting it if I'm any more subtle about it.

What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am looking for that man or woman who could convince me that there's more to life than books, solitude, and dancing around singing along to music.

I am also working, but since I'm not too fond of my job, I prefer not to talk about it much. Let's just say people seem to be surprised at what I do. It apparently doesn't fit my personality. It's not a job you can't tell your dear old granny about, so don't get nervous.

I am not very romantic, not in a traditional sense, anyway. It strikes me that a lot of so-called romantic gestures are just about formulas and trappings, and don't show that you really know and care about the person you're making the gestures toward. Romance is not a formula, or if it is, it's a formula specific to each person. Mine is green, and it bubbles. (apologies to Terry Pratchett)

I have a great fondness for the advice and wit of Miss Manners, while finding nearly all other advice columnists completely useless.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
writing, sympathizing and empathizing, being a strong shoulder to lean on, being silly, and getting killed in video games. Also kissing, I've been told, but I think that is subjective, as some people only like light pecks and others only like having their faces eaten off. I am an ISFJ (Protector Guardian) and never score as anything else, no matter how short or long the personality inventory is. The description of the Protector Guardian is extremely accurate for me, keeping in mind, of course, that one shouldn't take such tests as gospel.

I don't get along well with religionists (OK, I think I made that word up, but it's more succinct than saying "people who follow a religion") or atheists who are really pushy about their beliefs or lack thereof. I don't care what other people believe as long as they don't make it their mission to convert other people to their faith or un-faith. I'm agnostic; I don't know if there are deities or not, and I'm not going to say there are or aren't for sure at this point. I haven't gotten any real confirmation either way, although I lean more atheistic the older I get. However, since I don't think there's really a way to prove the existence or non-existence of deities, declaring myself a full-on atheist is not going to happen.

I won't go to your church/temple/whatever with you, nor would I expect you to go to mine if I had one and you didn't want to. I also will not scoff at you for having a religion unless you hassle me about not having one. However, if we were inclined to scoff at each other about religion, we wouldn't be dating in the first place--I never could understand those couples where one member seems openly contemptuous of the other's beliefs or lack thereof. It denotes a lack of respect that doesn't bode well for a relationship.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My size--I'm fat and tallish, with a comically large head. If I wear my hair long, it bears an unfortunate resemblance to the triangular hairstyle of Alice from Dilbert--I also have big hair if I don't tell it who's boss by chopping it all off. I am also very pale. The sun doesn't like me, and when I spend much time in it at all, I first freckle, and then immediately afterwards become a crispy sunburnt critter. I no longer get the severe sunburns I got as a child, because now I am sensible enough to use sunblock and re-apply it often.

If you're looking for a woman you can sling over your shoulder and run off with, I'm not that woman. If you're looking for a woman who can keep pace with your strides and who won't automatically make you carry the heavy grocery bags, I am that woman. As for body types I find attractive, I've been known to appreciate the thin, the fat, and the in-between. If I'm attracted to you for reasons of personality, I'm going to like your looks. If your voice is sexy, so much the better.

People also notice that my mother dresses me funny.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors, since I generally like all I read by an author: Robin McKinley, Jane Austen, Sherlock Holmes stuff written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or Laurie R. King (I really must dig up more Holmes pastiches, and maybe see some of the movies.), Terry Pratchett, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, Garth Nix, Charles Dickens

Movies: What About Bob?, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally..., most Pixar movies

TV: I rarely watch tv these days. My favorite show, Mythbusters, has devolved into "Hey, let's just blow stuff up!" so I don't watch it much now.

Music: I have famously bad taste in music and hate to be made fun of, so I'm not saying. I will say, however, that I sing constantly. I will not say that I sing well.

Foods: ice cream, salty things, things made from potatoes, cheesecake, Caesar salad, Nutella
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Something to keep my hands busy: I am a fidgeter who always needs to be doing something. Perhaps I'll try learning how to knit, although I can foresee that being a mess.

Gum: I can be an anxious person at times and chewing gum is just another fidget to me. I am discreet enough about chewing gum than people often don't even realize I am doing it.

A fan: I'm used to sleeping to the sound of one, so in the winter, I just use a little one and point it away from me. Maybe I need a white noise machine instead.

Gummy vitamins: I can't swallow the regular ones and I hate the chalky chewables.

Glasses: myopic astigmatic who keeps forgetting about her contacts, reporting for duty.

Some kind of computer game to play. I am playing World of Warcraft again and a bit of Star Wars: The Old Republic.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
men who wear kilts. That's a sure way to attract my attention and admiration.

budgets and to-do lists. Try not to pass out from the excitement.

the future. I often consider how what I'm doing now, and what I've done in the past, will affect what happens to me later. Usually too late to do anything about it!

I do a lot of thinking, about whatever pops into my brain, and I tend to follow a line of thought out as far as I can...or until I get distracted by the next shiny thing. However, I also go back and think about the things I was thinking of before the shiny thing interrupted.

I also tend to nitpick books aloud as I read them, when something in them strikes me as inconsistent or illogical.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
reading, writing, fooling around on the computer. I live in a small town and there is not much nearby to do. Additionally, nearly all my friends live far away now, and as a lifelong shy person, socializing has never been my forte.

I will also sometimes be debating with friends on such things as the best Jane Austen hero. Captain Wentworth, if you ask me. I like a man who can admit when he's wrong, and write a good letter.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to have a huge crush on Data. You know? Star Trek: The Next Generation? The android? (OK, I admit, I still do.)

As a result, the song "The Sexy Data Tango" by Voltaire inspires in me some mixed feelings. And dancing.

I also have a thing for the Igors in Terry Pratchett's books. I have no idea why, and I haven't considered it too much for fear that I am even weirder than I had originally thought.

You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
--you have an idea for a post in my new world order.
--you want to debate the merits of the Defender vs. the Fury.
--your Terry Pratchett books take up more than their fair share of shelf.
--you know where I can find a robot monkey butler.
--you genuinely LIKE women. If you don't have any women friends, don't get along with your female relatives, have terrible relationships with your exes (barring people who simply won't be gotten along with, I know nearly everyone has a few of those), you're not going to match with me. I have no time for men who only see women as sexual partners, who can't fathom merely being friends with a woman, who think of women as strange creatures never to be understood.