HEADS UP - I PRACTICALLY ALWAYS RETURN IM'S IF I AM AT THE COMPUTER, AT LEAST TO SAY "NO THANKS." SO IF YOU DON'T HEAR BACK IN A FEW, I AM ON ANOTHER TAB, OR LEFT FORGETTING I WAS LOGGED IN. "WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE." This public service announcement has been added only because I have missed IM's recently from some people I really wouldn't want to think I was ignoring them. Or do I?....

Ok. You know that point in the story where the kids come to the edge of a forest, and there is sign that someone has knocked down, saying Danger! Turn Back! This means You! ...The sign has been knocked down, and we are supposed to gasp as the kids fail to spy it, and traipse unprotected and innocent into the woods... *pan in on sign - fade to black*DUH-Duh-duh...

This is that sign

For the text that was here until 7/6/09, see "Time to renovate" under my journal posts.

Love found, love lost... time to ponder the meaning of it all. It has shaken up my life pretty substantially, and many people in my life are having a rough time of their own. Hope springs eternal, but a time for all things, right? I don't believe in The One... I believe in A One. I believe that there are many possible perfect partners for each of us, and that we may meet, and recognize each other, but the rest is Work. Work and Commitment. I have proven to myself (and I hope to others) that I am capable of both, but right now I need a rest. So message me, let's get dinner, let's talk about Life, the Universe and Everything... if we are attracted to each other, and there is a level of trust, let's be lovers. But I am technically on the rebound, and have really just broken off all contact with the former object of my affections. Wounds need licking, and I need some TLC.

I suppose that means that if you have been watching this space, and know me and my situation well enough to think, "well, if he ever really gives up on her and moves on, I am totally going to jump his bones," now would be your chance

PS - I now cut a mean rug: Foxtrot, Waltz, Swing and a little Salsa. And I am getting out of practice... :-(

You are warned.

On the other hand, RhubarbApplePie claims to be in awe of my hairy virility. So go figure...

I was talking about old times, last night, with an old friend and colleague, and it shed some light, I realized, upon how I am feeling:

Once upon a time, I was the casting director for a theatre, and had to attend this loooong (5 days long) "cattle-call" audition. I have stories of what went on, on that stage, that still haunt me to this day... you can ask anyone in my casting market, of a certain age, about the Interpretive Dance of the Butterfly and stuff will come through their nose. But the thing that made me think of where I am right now is the policy we used to have on "auditioning with Shakespeare." Now, Will is an O.K. playwright, and because of his style and period, much of the canon is appropriate for monologues. We got it, o.k.? But there were representatives from upwards of 60 theatres there for these auditions, and only THREE did classical theatre with any regularity. You may make the argument that if you can excel with Shakespeare, you can excel at any style on stage, but I will tell you that if you believe this, and you are in professional theatre, you should please leave now. First of all, there are only so many really good monologues in Shakespeare. And everybody tries to do the three or four best known. Second of all, most people just aren't good enough at the language to not let it get in the way of other things the rest of us might have been looking for. Can you tell a story? Can you move well? Can you take in the whole audience? And most importantly - will you look o.k. on stage with the roles that really matter, who have all been cast before the previous season ended, and whom we are not about leave uncast til now, you tossers, because we're not idiots. So we made a list: monologues NOT to use in this audition. First on the list was: Don't do Shakespeare (with a list of reasons, first of which was, "we will assume you are only auditioning for three theatres here, and the rest of us will get up and go get cokes.") Actually, now that I think about it, the first was, "Don't do the blowjob monologue from Cloud 9" but that just puts the whole thing in context... Well, that didn't work, so the following year the list had the same copy as the previous year's, with the addition, "unless you are convinced that you are really really good at it, and we will not mock you. Enter at your own risk" Actors being actors, many (we saw over 900 actoirs in 5 days - the actors thought it was hell, but he auditors were the ones really suffering) ignored our "advice;" the following year, we had to alter the copy to: "DO NOT AUDITION WITH SHAKESPEARE UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE YOU DO NOT KNOW ANY OTHER PLAYS

Five actors ignored that exhortation (this list was handed out at registration, when they still had a month or more to prepare their pieces.) Predictably, the first was the worst rendition I have ever heard of anything, (including the above-mentioned interpretive dance) However, the remaining four were extremely talented, classically trained actors that had simply never auditioned for us before. We were all thrilled and excited to see them, and glad they took the risk. I still hope that there might be one great love for me out there; I have recently ended a relationship that showed more promise than anything I had known before. It was, in fact, (except for being over) the best relationship of my life in many ways. So while I am open to all the things I mention above, I am not really interested in pursuing anything "serious" unless I have reason to think it might be on a plane with what I now know I can be a part of. One sign that you should message me is that you see the connection in this little story.

Editors

• SassyWit

I am making a bunch of things better for a bunch of people, about whom I don't care enough. (This is what I call Work) I spending too little time with a lot of people who mean the world to me. (This is what I call Life.) I am trying to imagine the universe in which these two trends are reversed, and bring it to fruition. I am questioning the dictum, "If I could type, I could rule the world" - maybe I should just get voice-recog. software and have done with it. Mwahhh-Hahh-Hahh! No, seriously. Getting rid of stuff - anybody want some stuff? - I have a ton of cool stuff, going cheap. From antiques to electronics to books NO - I stop at the books. (OK - UPDATE - I DON'T STOP AT BOOKS ANYMORE. IT'S A SICKNESS, AND AM I REALLY GOING TO READ THE HISTORY OF PROSTITUTION IN FRENCH? PROBABLY NOT. SO THE BOOKS HAVE STARTED TO GO. I am trying to simplify my life. This is the part where I distill my life down to the essence of makes me happy. IN FACT, I THINK I WILL HEW TO THE IRISH TRADITION AND TRIPLE DISTILL IT.

As an other once said, "Loving the people I love."

In every imaginable way.

(before you get too excited, better ask me what I mean by "love."

I am NOT really good at:

Caring about pop culture.

Hiding my disdain for your less than impressive interests and banal attempts at conversation.

Capitalism. I also count this as point in my favor.

Following instructions... make it an "order" and I get WORSE by an order of magnitude.

renal surgery.

Water Skiing. (or any kind of skiing.) Operating a TRS-80 controlled early-CNC engraving rig. OK - I was actually really good at it. And it made me want to die.

I am six feet tall, 295 lbs., I have a shaved head, and am one of those people who you are sure has a tattoo even if you can't see it. (Everyone assumes I ride a Harley - I don't: I screech around on Some Bright Red Honda SportThing- this one of any number, right now, due to a recent accident) And YET - the first thing almost everyone notices about me is my voice. I think I really should consider doing some V.O. work. After that, if I like you, it will be my eyes. And that, apparently, I give amazing hugs.

Books: I don't really have a room for books any more. (I have actually filled it with a person - the Great Roommate Experiment) I have enough books to FILL their own room, but they are scattered throughout the house in cases and boxes and distressingly Inkling-esque little stacks. The complete Dickens, in a rare oversight, actually went FOR AUCTION WITH the dining room breakfront. A wildly incomplete list of books that have shaped who I am:

A Child's Garden of Verses, The Little Engine That Could, Ferdinand, The Cricket in Times Square, The Wind in the Willows, Bullfinch's Mythology, A Wrinkle in Time, The Mad Scientist's Club, Treasure Island, Rabbit Hill, Watership Down, Tolkien (yes, ALL of it) C.S. Lewis, (a LOT of it) the Left hand of Darkness, The New Departures Ball Bearing Handbook, The Encyclopedia Brittanica, (NOT all of it) The Yearling, Beowulf, Shakespeare, The Once and Future King, Franny and Zooey (how could I have forgotten THAT), Yeats, Heaney, Godel, Escher and Bach, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Siddhartha, A Winter's Tale, (by Helprin, NOT Shakespeare) The Elegant Universe, Quantum Evolution, Longitude, Eco, in his entirety, although "..Queen Loana" got a little self-indulgent... The House of Leaves, Poe, Dave Eggers, Foster Wallace (r.i.p.) ... there are more, of course, and I am just talking about desert island books. But this gives you a sense. Currently: Godel, Escher, etc... AGAIN, Collapse, Moby Dick (recently) The Butterfly and the Diving Bell, Mating in Captivity, A Twist of the Wrist II, The Pillars of the Earth, The Essays of John Cheever ;

Music - STILL: just shouldn't suck. I like less twangy country and rap than some other genres, but like some of those quite alot, so there are no rules. LOVE angst-y solo female vocal acts. I would date the entire Lilith Fair if I could. But really, Arvo Part to Frank Zappa. UPDATE: I am intrigued by an experiemnt another user did - set the iPod to shuffle and see what comes up: Jethro Tull - Flying Colors; Moody Blues - The Day Begins; George Winston - Sandman; We're About 9 - Miscreant Men; Kate and Anna McGarrigle - Heartbeats Accelerating; Talking Heads - What a Day That Was; Cathie Ryan - You and I in the One Bed Lie; Patricia Barber - Nardis; Al Pettiway and Amy White - Midnight Ride; Laurie Anderson - Baby Doll; Suzanne Vega - Fat Man and Dancing Girl; then Pink Floyd, then The Who, then Cathie Ryan again, then Suzanne Vega again, then Fugazi, Joan Jett, Cowboy Junkies, and the Chicago Symphony Orchestra... you get the idea.

Movies... Varied. Really varied. I have never seen a Shakespeare movie I didn't at least like, although Michelle Pfeiffer should NOT speak in iambs. I have never seen a film (or stage, for that matter) version of Dracula that I could sit through, at least not without the help of Crow and Tom Servo. Recently really enjoyed: Frozen River, Away from Her, Once, Watchmen, ... Stardust on DVD.

TV - HBO addict, still on step two in recovery. Studio Sixty still may have been the best thing I have seen on TV, but I don't watch TV anymore, so it doesn't really matter, and HuLu is just fine for now. I miss HBO and IFC, but not the sinking feeling that i could have doen something better with the time or the oney I spent on having cable.

Food - I love Indian and almost all seafood. Love real pub grub, and am especially weak-kneed in the presence of REAL fish n' chips. Also Coquille St. Jaques. Go figure. Seafood, spicy, sichuan, pho, GOOD simple, rustic Italian. Irish brown soda bread and Guinness could keep me going til the rapture, if need be. Especially if you threw in some really good smoked salmon (which I tend to refer to as lox whether it is or no, because I work at a JCC. Almost anything on a grill.

Editors

• DCMerlin

I have been meaning to whittle this down. 1) Love/Quality/Divine 2) People (and animals) to share it with 3) Two-wheeled things... 3) My Health 4) My Mac-tastic nexus of interdependence (It all fits in a briefcase, but includes: my MacBook, my iPhone, outboard storage, Web access, and a solar charging station, etc.... 5) Clothes 6) There. I am leaving myself a spare, for emergencies, but I honestly believe EVERYthing else is up for grabs, sale, or negotiation. Perhaps I am growing. But all the pretty knickknacks will be fine in a museum where other people can clean them and take care of them; and the fun toys are less fun than fun people. A decent place to live, a well-equipped kitchen and a caring and challenging partner are nice, but I can make do without them, if need be, and the partner had bettter fall under 1) and 2) anyway.

Why. And then How. Lately, I spend a LOT of time wrestling with the question of whether Go/o/d exists; I have said before that I was sure it did. My Faith is unshaken - but my frame of reference has been shifting to encompass the possibility that even in a Universe with a Divine Purpose and Direction, however mechanistic it may be, Go/o/d is not a Necessity. Quantum Morality may in fact dictate that everything that CAN possibly happen DOES - and doesn't that mean, potentially, that in the words of the Bard's favorite jester, "It's all One?" Yeah, stay out of my mind - it's a furry mess in there.

Working, or watching someone like me work. Probably enjoying it either way, and then enjoying talking about it afterwards. Or, more likely, these days, heading home and fixing a decent meal for the first time that week, and playing with Wicket and others. Friday is becoming the decompress night. Sat and Sun are more for playing. (but not alright for fighting. ;-)

I am a hopeful, if increasingly pragmatic, romantic. Despite my almost total caesura with the organized religion of my youth, I still see the wonder of Go/o/d in everything around me.

I will perform any number of unnatural acts for a healthy serving of RhubarbApplePie's Curried Lentils.

IMPORTANT: SEE UPDATED SUMMARY ABOVE. If you want to chat. But also if you think we have common interests, if you are looking for an activity (especially riding) partner. Or just need someone to cheer you, up or on. I am mostly on here to communicate with friends and acquaintances already made, but am always open to new friends.