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41 Oakland, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25-55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Nov 22
Open relationship
5' 6" (1.68m)
Body Type
Average build
Agnosticism and it’s important
Doesn’t want kids
Has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hey, just so you know, I tend to skip false dichotomy questions on the match maker. If one of those is vital to you, feel free to ask me personally--I'll be happy to explain my special snowflake answer.

Geeky artsy fartsy writerly type who hates trying to make himself seem like a good gamble for a couple of hours of "seeing if there's chemistry."

I am geekctacular, really behind on Breaking Bad, and not very good at picking three characteristics.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I teach a little, househusband a little more, and write a lot. I have a blog that I'm serious about (though it's not serious about me). If I could scrape out enough money from writing to pay the bills, I would likely implode from excessive grin syndrome. [It's a thing.] That or die of shock because something so implausible happened. Though I have calculated that, statistically, I have the same chance of dying by a roving pack of rabid lemurs. I avoid Madagascar--just to be safe.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
...ignoring the irony of misusing the word "epic" to describe a cheeseburger, but cringing a little inside when people call babies "miracles." Fortunately, I'm totally zen about the "literally" thing.

I'm a rocking househusband. I've got two people living here who recreate post apocalyptic movies in every room at least three times a week, and yet I still keep this place moderately clean. And a stay at home dad...without the "actually dad" part. (The kid is my girlfriend and her husband's.) I'm domestic A.F.

I'm really good at procrastinating--really, really good.

Oh, and back-rubs. Epic back rubs.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
This is a sort of funny question for me. People kind of DON'T
notice me at first. I can be very shy in an open social situation
until I know people. Just know that if at first I go tarn for a
while, I'll warm up quickly. Just give me some room to feel out
your boundaries (which is not as creepy as it sounds). Once I feel comfortable that I can be myself, I'm not nearly as mousy.

Unless we're Facebook. Then they notice that I post about social justice a lot.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books- Did you say books? I LOVE books! I love Carver, Tepper, Adams, Gaiman, Shakespeare (I'm an English major, so I can say that and not sound pretentious, right? RIGHT????), Poe, Lovecraft, Asprin, Clarke, Bradbury, Asimov, King, Woolf, humorous political commentary books, and meta-writing stuff. I've recently been trying to read as much Vonnegut, Asimov, and LeGuin as I can get my hands on. I'm loving Octavia Butler lately.

Movies- So many. Lately I watch a lot of Pixar movies over and over again because of the kiddo. And there's absolutely no way that I'll admit here that I kind of like romantic comedies too and I sometimes "Awww" right along with red_fish when they finally kiss. None.

Not technically a movie, but worth mentioning: I've really enjoyed shows that HBO makes. I was sad to see Carnivalle and Deadwood canceled, but I had a lot of fun with Rome, The Sopranos, and 6 Feet Under was just AMAZING.

Music- If it came from the soundtracks section of the music store, chances are I'll like it. Anything mellow as well like Enya, Erasure, Enigma (all those E's). Also I seem to have a 80's thing, though I think what I really like was all the synthesizer going on. (Maybe I should have put this under "the most private thing I'm willing to admit...") They Might Be Giants, Sting, Cake. But then I also love thumpy stuff with angry Germans who are apparently in need of a naps and suppositories. And smooth jazz. It's very eclectic, and tends to have more to do with the quality than the particular style.

Food- Yes.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
You mean besides things like air, heat, food, shelter, water, and sleep?--because I think if I were starving to death amongst my books, I might re-prioritize my love of moleskine journals life pretty quickly. But let's pretend I've got that stuff covered....

Books (you see what I did there? Slick huh? I suppose if you let me do a shopping spree on my Kindle I could actually say ONE thing, but I actually really like books)

Writing stuff. You wouldn't like me when I'm not writing.

The Internet. I'm pretty much "that guy" about it.

The fam- Love those peeps. Even though there's generally a moving goal post about who is in the fam.

Boundaries. Seriously I tried that. It's ass.

Lotion. My skin is pretty dry and I really only thought of five things.

Here's one thing I COULD live without though: more questions like this.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
A better question--at least a question with a shorter answer--would probably be what DON'T I spend time thinking about. Getting my brain to focus on a thesis for a Shakespeare or Political Science paper is actually a bit of a trial sometimes. I think about everything from how I'd fare in the zombie apocalypse to Shakespeare's uncharacteristically deep villain in Merchant of Venice with Shylock. I think about the linguistic implication of critical race theory. I think about what MMORPG might replace WOW since no others have been deemed worthy and how I'm going to bring in strong symbolism into my next sci-fi story. I think about my work outs and about my lesson plans. I think about if Trogdor the Burninator would win against the dude from V for Vendetta (he totally would). I think...a lot. Probably too much, most of the time. I'm actually very glad I haven't had to deal with insomnia in my lifetime. (Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find something wooden.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Rolling polyhedrons to determine the outcome of simulated, imaginary combat of a group of antisocial cutthroat heroes in their quest to overcome the forces of evil that is overtaking the land. (Lately "the land" is more like "the galaxy" since I'm trying to liberate a galaxy far far away from a bunch of punk ass, red-light-saber-wielding jerks.) That or writing...probably about many of the same sorts of things. Or maybe falling asleep at 9 because running around after 2 year olds isn't easy.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I stood in the Temple at Burning Man in 2002 and for the better part of three hours I read just about all the little "confessions" that people wanted burned. I discovered that no one is sure of themselves. Everyone is a little ball of doubt, and wants to believe they are better than they fear they might be. No one is sure they're doing the right thing with their life, and feels like their faking it most of the time. And everyone who loses someone curses the fact that they didn't better use the precious little time they had. And knowing that I wasn't alone in all those feelings was just about the most comforting thing that ever happened to me. We're all just faking it with class--"falling with style," if you will. And even though it seems like I'm the only one who hasn't managed to figure out the answers, I'm really not. I read all that and got some serious dust in my eye. Yep. Dust.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over. understand what poly is and maybe even have some experience with it! And you can use the word "privilege" in a sentence that doesn't involve denying that you have it.

You are interested in something less frequent, more casual and NOT primary. Yes, my girlfriend is married, but she is my primary relationship, and will stay that way. (If you don't like labels and relationship hierarchies, I agree, but I think that is probably vernacular with which I can express my current limitations and have everyone understand.

Logistics make high-time-commitment relationships impractical for me. I work three jobs and I am in a major relationship. I don't have much more bandwidth than a once-a-week or twice-a-month sort of thing. Of course, anything might evolve, and where things go is anyone's guess, but that's where I need to start.