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41 Oakland, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20–50
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 12:24pm
Seeing Someone
5' 6" (1.68m)
Body Type
Agnosticism and it’s important
Doesn’t want kids
Has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hey, just so you know, I tend to skip false dichotomy questions on the match maker. If one of those is vital to you, feel free to ask me personally--I'll be happy to explain my special snowflake answer.

*sigh* I hate these things. How does one convince the world that they are aren't chopped liver in a paragraph that doesn't make a reader's eyes bleed? I write a little fiction and a lot of blog and even make a tiny bit of money from it. I am polyamorous. I have a relationship that means the world to me with a married woman and I live with her and her husband. I am a total geek. I'm very shy--except online.

I am geekctacular, really behind on Breaking Bad, and not very good at picking three characteristics.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I have a BA in English. I'm teach a little, househusband a little more, and write a lot. I have a blog that I'm serious about (though it's not serious about me), and I usually noodle on some fiction several times a week. I'm keeping my options open before I plan the totality of the next half decade, but I love teaching. Of course right now I'm hoping to write the equivalent of a runaway pop hit so that I can be a one-post-wonder of the blogging world, make six figures from half page articles with clever GIFs, and rest on my laurels. Also, I want a unicorn pony, and I'm going to be an astronaut! I want to be a writer, which means I'll settle for being a disgruntled teacher who thinks I'm one election away from being let go due to budget cuts (cause that sounds AWESOME!), but if I could scrape out enough money from writing to pay the bills, I would likely implode from excessive grin syndrome. [It's a thing.] That or die of shock because something so implausible happened. So perhaps it's best that such success is improbable. Though I have calculated that, statistically, I have the same chance of dying by a roving pack of rabid lemurs. I avoid Madagascar--just to be safe.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
ignoring the irony of misusing the word "epic" to describe a cheeseburger, but cringing a little inside when people call babies "miracles." Fortunately I'm totally zen about the "literally" thing.

I know this is the PLACE to blow one's own horn
(giggity) but it still feels so conceited to me. I like to
think that I'm pretty good at writing--I certainly suck less at it
than I did a few years ago, and sucking less seems to be the endgame goal for most of a writer's existence. I was a good student when I was studying.

I'm a rocking househusband. I've got two people living here who recreate post apocalyptic movies in every room at least three times a week, and yet I still keep this place moderately clean.

I'm really good at procrastinating--really, really good.

I'm good at that whole stand up after you fall on your face thing--not because I'm all Hallmark card motivational strong or anything, but because I have so much practice with the falling part.

I'm good at poly communicating. I know that's supposed to be a thing poly people are good at, but I've found that a lot of them didn't get the memo. The whole open and honest thing comes very naturally to me, especially the open part.

I've been told that I'm pretty good at some other things, but that list is probably "date two" subject matter.

Oh, and back-rubs. Epic back rubs.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
This is a sort of funny question for me. People kind of DON'T
notice me at first. I can be very shy in an open social situation
until I know people. A southern upbringing ravaged me with all
kinds of pesky inhibitions about not going where one isn't invited
and such. It's not that I am socially inept. It's not I can't be
bold. It's that I am living in terror that I will cross some sort
of comfort zone, and people will hate me forever. Once I get to
know where people's boundaries are, I am much better about being openly social. And for some reason, I can actually be pretty
outgoing on the internet (even right away with people I have only
just met). I wonder about this sometimes--is the internet me
wearing the outgoing mask or is the real me wearing the
trepidations mask? Just know that if at first I go tarn for a
while, I'll warm up quickly. Just give me some room to feel out
your boundaries (which is not as creepy as it sounds). Once I feel comfortable that I can be myself, I'm not nearly as mousy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books- Did you say books? I LOVE books! I love Carver, Tepper, Adams, Gaiman, Shakespeare (I'm an English major, so I can actually say I read The Bard for pleasure and not sound totally pretentious, right?), Poe, Lovecraft, Asprin, Clarke, Bradbury, Asimov, King, Woolf, humorous political commentary books, and meta-writing stuff. I've recently been trying to read as much Vonnegut, Asimov, and LeGuin as I can get my hands on. I've been reading a lot of turn of the 20th century speculative fiction, being very interested lately in when speculative fiction fell out of favor amongst critics--when, in fact, most of the canon actually *IS* speculative fiction of some form or another.

Movies- Serenity, Donnie Darko, Memento, Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, cheesy action movies with utterly horrific right-before-they-kill-you lines especially involving "*VERB* this!" kind of lines, musicals that I listen to over and over while I'm cleaning house, anything by Pixar is a guilty pleasure (so formulaic--so predictable--yet so good!). It's not that I don't get how cheesy and tropy (that's not a word, but I'm using it anyway) Pixar is. I just find it strangely hard to care when they make such FUN movies. There's absolutely no way that I'll admit here that I kind of like romantic comedies too and I sometimes "Awww" right along with red_fish when they finally kiss. None.

Not technically a movie, but worth mentioning: I've really enjoyed shows that HBO makes. I was sad to see Carnivalle and Deadwood canceled, but I had a lot of fun with Rome, The Sopranos, and 6 Feet Under was just AMAZING.

Music- If it came from the soundtracks section of the music store, chances are I'll like it. Anything mellow as well like Enya, Erasure, Enigma (all those E guys). Also I seem to have a 80's thing, though I think what I really like was all the synthesizer going on. (Maybe I should have put this under "the most private thing I'm willing to admit...") They Might Be Giants, Sting, Cake. But then I also love thumpy stuff with angry Germans who are apparently in need of a naps and suppositories or smooth jazz. It's very eclectic, and tends to have more to do with the quality than the particular style. And yes, I like all the pretentious stuff too like Mozart and Beethoven and junk, but I'm not going to be putting that on a public profile, okay?

Food- Anything with cheese. (I'm almost not kidding, unfortunately--good thing I like the gym.) Savory stuffs. Hearty foods. My mom raised me on southern cooking so that terrible-for-you stuff is my comfort food. I'm living with a vegan and a cholesterol-free eater, and I've never minded, though. I like all KINDS of food as long as it isn't TOO spicy. And I hope we get to the marry-your-vacuum point on the slippery slope of marriage rights, because I would like to marry garlic. Obviously equal rights for LGBT persons is the first step to my marrying garlic, so I'm in favor of it.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
You mean besides things like air, heat, food, shelter, water, and sleep?--because I think if I were starving to death amongst my books, I might re-prioritize my life pretty quickly. But let's pretend I've got that stuff covered....

Books (you see what I did there? Slick huh? I suppose if you let me do a shopping spree on my Kindle I could actually say one thing, but I actually really like books--I like the way they smell. It reminds me of being under my covers late at night with a flashlight and equal parts attention to the world I was lost in and the sound of footsteps in the hallway.).

The tools needed for writing. Unfortunately this isn't just a pretentious artsy fartsy thing for me. I know it sounds all hand-stapled-to-forehead-ish of me, but it's actually, annoyingly, true. Trying not to write makes me cranky and eventually miserable.

Orange royalty (she knows who she is ~meow~).

The bestest monkey in the whole jungle. Honestly...there's no one I'd rather be flinging poo with.

A stationary ski machine. Better yet a sentient stationary ski machine--maybe made from Vorlon technology--that adjusts to me perfectly and can turn up the resistance on just the arms, works different muscles and stuff and gives me pep talks or yells at me depending on what it psychically senses that I need at that moment. And it will pluck me out of my computer chair if I've spent too much time in the last 24 hours writing or my "research" has started to look a lot like reading Cracked articles for two hours. Yeah...I can't live without that.

The internet. And as apt as Trekky Monster is, that's actually not the reason why. I have become very accustomed to using various online tools rather than memorizing things. I learn broad brushstrokes and concepts at school, how to look something up if I need it, and that takes the place of rote memorization in 90% of my studies. So if you took away my internet, I would actually not be nearly as connected with the details of the things I know. I'm going to be really screwed if there's an EMP. I'll seem to drop 30 IQ points instantly.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
A better question--at least a question with a shorter answer--would probably be what DON'T I spend time thinking about. Getting my brain to focus on a thesis for a Shakespeare or Political Science paper is actually a bit of a trial sometimes. I think about everything from how I'd fare in the zombie apocalypse to Shakespeare's uncharacteristically deep villain in Merchant of Venice with Shylock. I think about the linguistic implication of critical race theory. I think about what MMORPG might replace WOW since no others have been deemed worthy and how I'm going to bring in strong symbolism into my next sci-fi story. I think about my work outs and about my lesson plans. I think about if Trogdor the Burninator would win against the dude from V for Vendetta (he totally would). I think...a lot. Probably too much, most of the time. I'm actually very glad I haven't had to deal with insomnia in my lifetime. (Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find something wooden.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Rolling polyhedrons to determine the outcome of simulated, imaginary combat of a group of antisocial cutthroat heroes in their quest to overcome the forces of evil that is overtaking the land. (Lately "the land" is more like "the galaxy" since I'm trying to liberate a galaxy far far away from a bunch of punk ass, red-light-saber-wielding jerks.) That or writing...probably about many of the same sorts of things.

Actually that's usually NOT Fridays. That tends to be Mondays or Tuesdays depending on when I'm teaching and when my peeps can get their days off. Friday nights I'm often reading or writing because I'm a legendary nerd. Or possibly hanging with red fish.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I stood in the Temple at Burning Man in 2002 and for the better part of three hours I read just about all the little "confessions" that people wanted burned. I discovered that no one is sure of themselves. Everyone is a little ball of doubt, and wants to believe they are better than they fear they might be. No one is sure they're doing the right thing with their life, and feels like their faking it most of the time. And everyone who loses someone curses the fact that they didn't better use the precious little time they had. And knowing that I wasn't alone in all those feelings was just about the most comforting thing that ever happened to me. We're all just faking it with class--"falling with style," if you will. And even though it seems like I'm the only one who hasn't managed to figure out the answers, I'm really not. I read all that and got some serious dust in my eye. Yep. Dust.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over. want to! I love messages. Even those ice-breaker things make me smile. I'm dreadfully non-invasive, and ever-afraid of being "that guy" so I almost never message people first.

However before you think about anything more than just a message, let me tell you about my situation. (I'm sorry if this gets a little long, but at least it's all out on the table in advance)...

If you are in any way not absolutely cool with polyamory, our stars are crossed. Woe and sad tidings and all that stuff. If you think that my relationship isn't "real," or that maybe you could "steal" me from red_fish, please don't try. It is real, and you can't steal me. Attempting would be a deal breaker.

If you are shopping for a primary, I'm not your guy. Yes, my girlfriend is married, but she is my primary relationship, and will stay that way. (If you don't like labels and relationship hierarchies, I agree completely, but I think that is probably vernacular with which I can express my limitations and have everyone understand.)

Logistics make high time commitment relationships impractical for met. I work three jobs and I am in a major relationship. I don't have much more bandwidth than a once-a-week-maybe sort of thing. Of course, anything might evolve, and where things go is anyone's guess, but that's where I need to start.

I don't really like to limit what I might be open to--especially in the fullness of time time--but obviously right now situations that are shifted more towards casual and/or low key are going to be more optimal.