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dirty_ass

43 M New York, NY

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
You have fucked worse.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I write, make music, and read. At other times I don't.

I isolate (sometimes in public), I obsess, I work, I exercise, I ponder, I conceptualize, I execute, I do unmentionable things, I mention unmentionable things, I talk an unbelievable amount of shit (I type a lot of shit, as well), I interact with you people to varying degrees and with an assortment of ends in mind.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Internet dating.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That by the time they've realized they've noticed me at all, I've already blown their fucking minds.

(A non-native English speaking woman, still residing in her home country, once sent me an infuriated note on here lambasting me for my unspeakable arrogance, citing the above response. She went so far as to call me a piece of shit. So, it should be added that the first thing some people may notice about me is that I'm a piece of shit.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Specific tastes don't mean anything, in terms of compatibility, but it's vaguely fun to make lists like this. Also, I like liking shit, and even if it's not the same shit I like hanging out with people who like shit too. So, fuck you.

Books: Mark Twain, H.L. Mencken, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Arthur Conan Doyle, S.J. Perelman, Octavia Butler, Stanislaw Lem, Samuel Delany, Russians and their terribly long novels (and mercifully short stories), the dystopian fiction canon (Brave New World, We, 1984, etc.), and on and on

Films: City Lights, Playtime, The Holy Mountain, The Devils, Duck Soup, The Phantom of the Paradise, Bad Timing, Zulawski's Possession, Red Desert, Fellini's Casanova, Inferno, Mondo Candido, Zardoz, Sons of the Desert, Planet of the Apes, Vagabond, Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, giallos (or would that be gialli?), kaiju shit, MGM musicals, Bond flicks, and a whole bunch of films spanning eras, directors, and genres

Music: Roxy Music, Parliament-Funkadelic, Ornette Coleman, Scott Walker, Isaac Hayes, Sparks, Laura Nyro, Phil Spector, Delia Derbyshire, Chic, George Gershwin, Kate Bush, Giorgio Moroder, Cole Porter, Serge Gainsbourg, Wire, Beach Boys, Black Sabbath, Black Flag, Magazine, Venom, The Birthday Party, Labelle/Nona, Aretha Franklin, Swans, Chinnichap, Gamble & Huff, Fania Records, Alec R. Costandinos, King Tubby, Lee Scratch Perry, Saint Vitus, etc.

Shows: The Prisoner, The Avengers, Doctor Who, I'm Alan Partridge, Peep Show, The Day Today/Brass Eye/Jam (all Chris Morris), The Armando Iannucci Shows (all Iannucci, as well - which includes the aforementioned The Day Today, as well as I'm Alan Partridge, but also The Thick of It), The Simpsons, South Park, SCTV, Python, etc. Some newer stuff like Louie and Sherlock, as well.

And, I love the shit out of food, as most humans do. All kinds of food. I'm a vegetarian, but couldn't care less if you are or not.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Most of the things I've ever owned I've lost, given away, sold, or thrown out. Yet, I still "do," all the freaking time, and shit still gets done.

What constitutes "my shit" does indeed change, suggesting that at some point there's nothing -- barring the tired "food, water, and shelter" spiel -- I could NEVER do without.

(I've just now read this back and realized it makes me sound like a humorless cock, which couldn't be further from the truth. I am the most humorful cock you could ever hope to meet.)

OOOH, OOOH... Okay, I've got it...

Okay, how about these flowery, sissy metaphysical concepts and/or somewhat intangibles? Imagination, love, absurdity, satire, memories, and music.

BEAT THAT SHIT! I've got a poet's soul, over here.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How much more difficult we as a species make things for ourselves than they probably need to be.

(And this feeds the poet's soul and keeps me tortured and sexy.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
It's Friday night as I type this, but I wouldn't read too much into that.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm deathly allergic to cats.

This disgusts you because you love cats, and you irrationally view this as a flaw in my character. Also, you now regard me as genetically inferior and less than capable of being your - or your precious kitty's - protector should the shit go down (particularly if the shit going down somehow involves cats; attacking, or raining down upon us, or whatever the case may be).
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Should you, though?

You're a brilliant idiot and a friendly pervert.

You're unafraid of, and unconcerned with, what anyone else thinks of you. Or, at least you view such a condition as desirable (acknowledging that such a temperament in its purest form can probably more often be found in the insufferable and sociopathic).

While you very well may be a freak, and are perhaps even kind of crazy (the latter not a requirement, incidentally, although the former might be useful), you're not completely spiraling out of control. That's not to say that I won't be interested if you are -- as I totally might be, because let's face it there is an appeal there -- but I'd still like to give myself a fighting chance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... We'll go on unspecified "adventures," and all that stuff you say you want in your profile. But maybe you're also into watching fucked up movies, and 60s TV shows, listening to Scott Walker records, and talking shit into the wee small hours.

In short, let's embrace cosmic insignificance, and have some fun.

Please note: If I write you and you're not into it, just ignore me. I won't take it poorly as, frankly, until I've met you in person you're pretty much make-believe.