cleanest_ass
44 New York, NY
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cleanest_ass
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My self-summary
It's official, I've never had a situation which started here end well. I had some lingering friendships, but those have finally gone south.

You're all fucking mentally ill.

I tend to do best when most candid and straightforward, or most bonkers and crass. I'm neither fish nor fowl right now, and it's fucking up my game.

But I say you prove the general populace here wrong. Realize it is my eclecticism that IS my charm. Take that chance. Write me, and we'll rub your inconceivable satisfaction and joy in the faces of ALL those who didn't write me after I apparently succeed in making you happy somehow.

Um here's a thing... A "bio" - I've lived in the same East Village apartment for over 20 years, but just took a buyout from my landlord. So in July I'll be moving to God knows where.

Where could I live where you'd love me more?

SUGGEST A NEIGHBORHOOD! ICE BREAKER!

Here's something anecdotal and autobiographical all at once...

The end result of a long, boring story that clearly involved my having a breakdown of sorts -- and maybe involving other factors -- resulted in my acquiring a small but potent and sizable given the timeframe involved, record collection since July: http://mquigley.livejournal.com/304752.html

It was what I was listening to anyway -- and had been for years and years -- and I had the bread. I just made it manifest and kind of had an awakening of a sort as a result. But only an asshole would elaborate on that.

Do I collect records? Not yet, but I do buy them and listen to them for the past four months to the exclusion of nearly all other media.
What I’m doing with my life
In addition to changing my screenname periodically to reflect my (metaphorical) ass' state or purity...

Lately harassing you good people in the name of my entertainment. But honestly, I'm lovely. Just believe.

Staying up late working, but it's not like I lug boulders or dig ditches.

I piece together a surprisingly decent living doing shit on the internet.

I do have passions and am actively pursuing projects and dreams. Dormant pursuits -- creative pursuits that were once my livelihood -- have been revived. If I read that sentence I'd assume I was either lying or an asshole, probably both.

I'm not interested in my creative pursuits paying my rent, but they are by no means my hobby. That's the simplest way of saying that I think.
I’m really good at
Internet dating.

This is an old answer that needs to be amended. I'm fucking GREAT at it now.

I'm also really good in the sack, by which I mean I have phenomenal testicles. (I refused to Google that joke, as I'm quite certain I'm not the first to make it.)
The first things people usually notice about me
I can't speak for what people notice in the real world, but based on nothing but the text and photos in this profile I've been called -- by various frankly reproachable individuals -- "disgusting," a "piece of shit," "uneducated," "vulgar," and "hopeless."

Also, a purple-haired art school type girl -- with a pet rat, I'm guessing, and I'd imagine a Tumblr full of "transgressive" GIFs which sum her up perfectly -- called me a "normie." OR maybe a freak. (She pondered -- for my benefit, oddly -- why only normies or freaks wrote her.) Whichever it was, I wrote her what I felt was a completely friendly and appropriate note, and she was disgusted by the entire idea of me, and let me know it. As will happen.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I should probably clarify that some would qualify me as nerdy and/or geeky as regards these media. Being an enthusiast is one of my major hobbies, let's say.

I like classics like Dickens, Twain, and Joyce, and read a lot of sci-fi (or that general vicinity) type shit like Octavia Butler, Sam Delany, Ursula K. Le Guin, and Robert Heinlein. i also enjoy books on history, science, and all of that. I'm a reasonably big reader while somehow still not being anything like well read.

I've decided to list which film posters I have on my walls, which does not tell a coherent story or answer any question. There's a Polish poster for 'Cabaret,' a Czech poster for 'Planet of the Apes,' an American poster for 'Umbrellas of Cherbourg,' and a French poster for Fellini's 'Casanova' -- an Italian film mostly acted in English (by American star Donald Sutherland) and then dubbed into Italian.

I'll sometimes say my favorite film of all time is 'Playtime,' other times I'll insist I have no favorite. I love all sorts of films, of all genres and eras. I'm not the buffiest buff you've ever met -- I suppose that's true of everything --- but I do okay (that's less always true).

Here I go off, and sane people are encouraged to skip ahead. It's just fun to type this kind of shit.

I love all music, but the constants for the past few years have been 70s disco (Costandinos, Boris Midney, and yes Moroder too), 70s glam (of both the artsy -- Roxy, Cockney Rebel, etc. -- and working class -- Sweet, Slade, Suzi Quatro, Chinnichap -- varieties), 70s NYC salsa (Fania, baby!), 70s Philadelphia Soul (Gamble and Huff, Thom Bell ), and 70s Miles Davis (a category unto itself).

Right now I'm listening to tons of Kate Bush and Sparks' weird musical, from about 2011, about Ingmar Bergman working in Hollywood. And in honor of the deceased Lemmy I've been listening to a lot of Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Bo Diddley, Eddie Cochran, and so forth.

Oh, and Bohannon. Does this make sense to you? We may be onto something.

I also have weird, longstanding fixations on Judy and Liza, so maybe deal with that ahead of time. I'm also a massive Sinatra fan.

Some shit I just kind of keep to myself, though, so you may not have to deal with it that much.

I also like weird, old TV shows like 'Sapphire and Steel,' 'The Avengers,' 'Kolchak: The Night Stalker,' 'The Prisoner,' and 60s/70s 'Doctor Who' (I also love the new version too, but discussing that on the internet comes with WAY too much baggage... people ruin everything). I love everything, pretty much, that Chris Morris has been involved in. I love 'Peep Show' and 'SCTV' and a lot of stuff.
The six things I could never do without
Are cock and balls two things or three? That and pills (3 or 4, depending on the answer to the first question).

(Additional note: I had attempted to clean up this profile from a recent, more decidedly obnoxious version, but I didn't have the heart to change this. So, do know ultimately who you're dealing with.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How much more difficult we as a species make things for ourselves than they probably need to be.

(I really do, I'm fucking deep like that.)
On a typical Friday night I am
It's Friday night as I type this, but I wouldn't read too much into that.

(It's 5am Tuesday as I type this part though, and THAT may tell a more interesting story.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm deathly allergic to cats.

This disgusts you because you love cats, and you irrationally view this as a flaw in my character. Also, you now regard me as genetically inferior and less than capable of being your - or your precious kitty's - protector should the shit go down (particularly if the shit going down somehow involves cats; attacking, or raining down upon us, or whatever the case may be).

Also, I'm lying above. My testicles are mediocre at best.
You should message me if
I'm a total romantic, in a way. And a nice, good person. And an idiot. And a lunatic. Why is it so hard to find someone who will sit around listening to records, maybe making out, while occasionally stopping to order take out food that I'll almost certainly wind up paying for.

Let's be idiots together. But let's build something. Make something. Write something. DO something.

I'll date older than my age parameters, much older if we connect, i just get sick of OKCupid only showing me only old people.

Going places is great, or sit perfectly still should the mood strike, let's do all of that. I'd love to be involved in a relationship where productivity and collaboration were goals. Doesn't that sound fun?

But there's more, do review...

Mine is a niche appeal, and I am mostly a cult concern. I am fully and deeply aware of this and take NOBODY'S interest for granted. It's distinctly possible that you wouldn't care for me at all. I like to believe that if you've made it this far, however, there may be hope for us. Some extraordinarily eligible individuals do -- bless 'em -- get a kick out of me.

So, as ranted above, let's conceptualize a stupid and/or brilliant project and then execute the goddamned thing.

But, let's also sit around wasted listening to old soul records (which these days may for me mean discs recorded in Philadelphia between 1968 and 1979... although that phase may pass soon) and watching Hammer Horror movies, or Antonioni, or Planet of the Apes, or Tarkovsky, or an old MGM musical, or whatever.... All scenarios sound outstanding with the right person.

As for you...

You're a bright weirdo who adores sometimes -- but not always -- spending untold hours with one other person, doing everything from wandering the streets aimlessly to listening to Scott Walker records (link is crucial, to emphasize that i don't mean the Wisconsin governor) to watching fucked up horror movies to doing whatever unseemly things couples get up to behind closed doors (or in front of cameras, or under batting cages, or with microphones running, or whatever).

That's the ideal, at least.

If you're nice, cute, smart, funny, and can tolerate me it could work as well.

I'm actually a nice person. I'm a fuck up, in a sense, but I have savings, pay my bills on time, treat people kindly, I'm fiercely loyal, keep my hygiene in order, don't smoke or drink (other things find their ways in sometimes), love my parents (mom's dead, but still love her), eat healthy for the most part.

I know I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but some of the best looking women I've ever met have dated me, so I know I'm not hopeless.

This really shouldn't be so hard.
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