Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am Russian.
I came to New York a long time ago, in the last millennium. Yet I
still sometimes feel like a stranger in a strange land.
Many social and inter-personal customs continue to puzzle and
If only there was a kind-hearted angel somewhere out there who
would be compassionate, tolerant, and patient enough to teach me
all those mysterious American ways. I am especially curious about
mouth-to-mouth kissing -- can't wait to try that!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm being very careful and taking all precautions in order not to
be abducted by aliens. Also, I drive a cab (not a joke).
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
my mom thinks I'm good at everything.
she tells me so all the time.
she thinks I'm very special.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO CONTRADICT MY MOM?!?!?!?!!!
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Tall, dark, handsome.
Scratching myself incessantly in all the funny places.
Smell of boiled cabbage.
I look a lot younger than my age. A lot younger. It's not always a
good thing, because sometimes I can get no respect, damn it!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
"Як я картофельку сажала" - a traditional Russian folk song about
planting potatoes. Like all Russians, I have to listen to it 5
times a day, every day. Loud!
I'm an omnivore, and I'm not very picky about food, but since we're
on the subject, I have a food-related question: what's up with
women putting "taco" in their profile names? Is that a vagina
reference??? I've come across 3 or 4 already. I need to know fast,
because if this is a new trend that all the cool kids are into, I
don't want to miss out. I mean to change my boring name for a while
now. Dmitri_happybanana? Dmitri_yammysausage?
I like the last one, because it hints both at size and color.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I like taking naps and pistachio ice cream.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
When you visit someone's profile (desktop, not mobile app), there
are 8 "Similar Users" in the right bottom corner. They used to have
a one-or-two-words annotation, like "more introverted" or "less
spiritual", etc. And I found it to be a hilarious reflection on the
profile you are visiting. This would often be the first thing I go
to. For example, if there were 8 users marked "similar" -- well it
sort of implied that the profile you are visiting belongs to a
mildly average person. But sometimes these 8 were "less kinky",
"less desiring of sex", "more conservative", "more pure", and my
personal favorite -- "more moral". ha-ha. Now that actually means
that the page you're currently on belongs to someone REALLY FUN!!!
It's a shame they killed this feature.
Also, I spend some time wondering why are all these beautiful sexy
educated interesting well-read well-traveled driven accomplished
faultless and perfect in every way women find themselves without a
man, reduced to reading idiotic ramblings of a god forsaken loser
I spend most of the time thinking about what the hell is wrong with
me. Suggestions are welcome!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm beginning to suspect that I am not perfect.
And I'm working on being able to admit that.
Damn, it's hard...
I cannot get sexually excited unless, before intercourse, I smash a
couple of dozen small live goldfish on a kitchen countertop with a
hammer. You must stand next to me and watch. In silence.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- you are a submissive 20-something year old geisha with daddy
issues, and you would like to "short-term date" me several
- you are a widow of a recently executed Nigerian dictator, and you
are looking for ways to transfer your enormous wealth to America
using my bank account.
- not only are you a great cook, homemaker, and an excellent
provider, but you honestly feel that you will REALLY ENJOY cooking,
cleaning, washing, and providing for me.
transsexuals: please, post-op only!!!
please, no actresses.
too much drama!
I'm beginning to lose my patience with all these young beautiful
insatiable girls who only want to use me for wild and crazy sex.
STOP!!! I am more than just a piece of delicious man-meat. At this
point in my life, I'm looking for a deep, personal connection on a
profound spiritual level. I want something transformative and
meaningful. I want a soul-mate. I want to be able to explore art,
discuss books, walk along candle-lit beaches, etc. I want to be
able to stand on the corner of Grand and Mott, at three in the
morning, in silence, holding hands, watching rats doing their
thing. Because nature is awesome.
I am sort of a little tired of all those happy shiny people who
have all their shit together and smiling all the time...
I want someone miserable and lonely.
And I'm only half-joking here. Actually, I'm serious.
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE!!! That thing above about post-op trannies
was a joke. I do not wish to be contacted by lonely
romantically-minded post-op transsexuals. Actually, the same
applies to pre-op trannies as well. Thank you very much!
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.