I am neurotically perceptive, somewhat cynical ex-child (sadly) prone to thinking in absolutes. I feel a strong sense of responsibility and duty toward people and other living creatures (one of the reasons I do not eat them, although I apologize in advance if you are simply too tasty). I judge you like Daria, give like the Giving Tree, I ambivalentize like Holden Caulfield, argue like Toby Ziegler, walk the fine line between self-deprecation and arrogance like Woody Allen, love like Clementine Kruczynski, and excite like Lorelai Gilmore. I also have other personality traits.

I think that paragraph was rather annoying.

So, I’m on a track of sorts, working at Syracuse University, developing the skills of so many gophers, and pursuing the degree I attempted many years ago, but now with updated clothing. I’m at some sort of odd place right now where I almost feel like I fit, and, as terrifying as that is, how incredible!

If I grow up, ultimately I want to learn about the workings of this world and the people in it, apply this knowledge to make the world a place that all those people would call home, and participate in this world fully, free from socialized inhibitions and needless fear. Who writes things like that?

having a flagrant disregard for recipes, letting people I love know that I love them, spending money on gimmicky new flavors of potato chips and candy, amassing experience and factoids, forming a vagina with my tongue, learning new crafts and trades, highlighting just enough to get the essence of the information without having gigantic boxes of color distraction, turning red in most situations, talking to children, leaving video games an hour away from completion, and being too judgmental of my doodles

I suppose I take my appearance one day at a time. You really can't tell whether or not I will decide to groom myself to societal standards on any given Tuesday. I always wear deodorant. I seem to take pride in being inappropriately dressed for most occasions in always new and exciting ways.

Most of the time I sport a face that is feeling the effects of gravity, but sometimes people will notice that I am obliviously adlibbing a very loud musical or caught up in the rhythm of my shoes hitting the pavement. My mother always told me I should try to pull my shoulders back a little more. I'm not usually too comfortable with eye contact.

Books. I like books about alienated children, disaffected teenagers, existentialist twenty-somethings, conflicted baby boomers, and tragically disconnected seniors. I'd hate to be uninspired and predictable, but chances are I will appreciate your novel/essay/literarymagazine/napkinstory/rumination if these people do these things: use violence to mask their self-hatred, do something emblematic of significant personal change only to revert back to their usual selves, kill themselves, decide not to kill themselves, self-sacrifice, get painfully close to a truth everyone else can see clearly, fall apart, carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, realize some sort of nuance that makes all the difference, become so entrenched in intellectualism they can no longer communicate, or explain something about which few people would care using too many words and too few paragraph breaks.

Movies. Once again, movies I like can usually be predicted pretty easily. They won't come to theaters near you, but they're also not obscure enough for me to be so snobby about them. The boxes are covered with saturated color blobs and pencil drawings. The ensemble cast list is long and probably includes somebody from Magnolia, but, then again, I can't think of many movies that don't include Phil Seymour Hoffman and John C. Reilly. In general, people are sad, friends are mean to each other, and nobody is satisfied by the end.

Music. This line of lyrics is horrible:

I've seen better days/ I've been a star of many plays.

Also:

I wish that I could fly/Into the sky/So very high/Just like a dragonfly.

Do dragonflies even fly that high? Is that a thing about dragonflies?!

Other than that, yes, I DO want you to bring your indie tour to my expansive attic, I WILL sing oldies at the top of my lungs with you, I DO want another cast album of some socially conscious musical, I WON'T treat you respectfully if your music has a twang, and I WON'T think it's okay to be so pretentious about it, but I WILL be pretentious nonetheless.

FOOD. I probably eat healthier than, you know, somebody who eats sticks of transfat dipped in sea salt. Vegetarian out, veganish in, never straying from deep-fried, grumpy around American cheese and iceberg lettuce, salty over sweet.

Editors

• Interrobangbang

the feeling that I have the wherewithal to make the world a better place, affirmation/validation from and of a close friend or lover, boxed sets of television on DVD, an internet connection, access to restaurants with good appetizer menus, and someone to help me count the number of hoop-thingies on my knitting needles

the current state of affairs

why people cannot see the problem with saying "I could care less"

whether something somebody has just said has ever been said before

This American Life. I half listen to 4-8 archived episodes a day, and feel somehow more whole when it fills my background.

what could have happened if I had just done whatever at some particular point in time

stupidity, its prevalence, its solution

where I will be in a year

taking a nap

I am prone to feeling emotions and I have a need to understand and be understood. I think I would be solid inspiration for anecdotes that begin the chapters of self-help books.

I am sexually attracted to the Gorillaz.

I have made any spelling or grammatical mistakes in my profile (that would be embarrassing)

you're progressively minded

you wear your bleeding, wounded, misshapen heart on the sleeves of your favorite shirt

you have created something that you'd like to share

AND/OR

you believe that honest, open, convoluted communication (maybe with me!) really will make the world a better place

If I don't write back quickly, it's because I'm caught in a battle with self-censorship. I wouldn't be offended if you playfully reminded me to stop taking myself so seriously.