Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


26 Hialeah, FL Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18-49
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 4:35pm
Hispanic / Latin
Seeing Someone
6' 1" (1.85m)
Body Type
Working on University
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
Has dogs and Has cats
English (Fluently), German (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat), Japanese (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
everything on my profile is probably absolutely 100% categorically sincere

my name is definitely a fifty shades of grey reference

shut-in chic post-fore-postplaying myoptimum ironoclast

i'm a very outgoing girl. shy at first.

i am a simple, laid-back, down-to-earth, easy-going platitude who works hard and plays hard

reckless libertine. silver-blooded slytherin

embrace the absurd, laugh instead of crying

i am perverse and often baffling
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
terrorizing my housepets

moonlighting as veronica mars

between making an ass of myself and inadequately conveying irony over the internet, i fence in my spare time (with swords, not pickets) and pretend to be a functional person
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
guessing plot twists, not believing a word you say, seeing fnords, sleeping through alarm clocks, sexting, devil's advocacy, driving manual, divining how fat you are despite your attempt to hide it with angled pictures and making people laugh/uncomfortable
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
that i look like somebody they know

my unfaltering ability to make hilarious blunders while trying to do simple things

how much more like brian i look than dexter
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
i promise i have superb taste
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
in no particular order: glasses, blackout curtains, manual transmission, connectivity, eyebrows, and the unrelenting/hilarious stupidity/ingenuity of humankind
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
where to eat for lunch and what i want on my sandwich
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
face-down in a puddle of my own vomit and turning down sex

deciphering moon runes

playing children's card games

wearing the skin of my anime princesses
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
i frequently laugh at your expense, but i just as frequently cry at mine

i laugh harder at my own jokes than i ever will at yours

i don't read your favorite anythings

i frequently always never sometimes occasionally periodically at intervals and by degrees change my profile in trivial ways just to show up in your activity feed

i wish i could put "activity partners" in scare quotes
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.

•you are my 100% enemy

•you want to be my blowjob queen

•you're an obnoxious knee-jerk reactionary social justice slacktivist

•all you have to say is "hi" or "what's up" (i appreciate simplicity)

•you lack perspective

•you are a creep, douchebag, psycho, axe murderer or any combination thereof

•you want to be my sugar mama

•you are my doppelgänger; be prepared to have sex

you should not message me if

•you are a self-described intellectual, artist, dreamer or free spirit

•you drink your orange juice without pulp

•you comment on youtube videos

•you own a small dog

•you work hard and play hard

•you hunt any kind of animal for sport

•you think you are a sapiosexual

•you are living your life

•you are a hufflepuff. loser.

•you like the big bang theory

•you have kids. no offense, moms, i still think you're sexy (as
long as you're sexy)