I am not a zoophile, I promise... worse, I'm a Marxian anarchist.

growing a beard, which takes most of my energy, a PhD. Reading, writing, walking the bitch, teaching at uni, figuring out how not to live my life, with little ambition and fewer results, wondering what I want to be when I grow up

ignoring a cut until the onions on the chopping board turn red, then looking shocked. Global history, German, and staying in the sauna after the sand clock has run out. Pasta, forgetting deadlines, falling out of ski lifts at high altitude, cunnilingus, inflicting self-harm while trying to fix cars based on online instructions, perenially separating sock twins.

are my inadequate telepathic faculties. And that the ball in my dog's mouth bears an uncanny resemblance to a freshly severed squirrel tail.

Favourite authors include Shakespeare, Faulkner, Goethe, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Orwell, Vonnegut, Philip K Dick, Kerouac, Hunter S Thompson, Pynchon, Jonathan Franzen, David Foster Wallace, Flannery O'Connor, Nabokov, Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Kropotkin, The Manns, Kafka, Nietzsche, Marx.

Forbidden pleasure: James Lee Burke, Malcolm Pryce

My favourite directors include Hitchcock, Altman, Dahl, Coen Brothers, Polanski, Lynch, Park Chan-wook, early De Palma, Godard, Wenders, Fassbinder, Herzog, Tarantino, Kaurismaki, Wong Kar-Wai, Haneke, F.F Coppola, Billy Wilder.

You could say I rather like the noir and neo-noir genre.

TV Shows: Fawlty Towers, Da Ali G Show, South Park, The Office, Extras, Curb your Enthusiasm, Bang Bus, and BBC Blue Planet/Earth/Life

Pretty eclectic in my music taste. Currently listening to Sublime - 40oz to Freedom.

Clean water
Nutritious food
Shelter
Medicine
Sex (although I once went for 18 years without it)
Pleasant working conditions

a revolution

on OKCupid desperately filling out blank boxes while my dog is molesting me.

I once tried to take over the world. I woke up in a shelf.

you share my hobbies of discussing motherboards, moonlighting at your local graveyard, snuff philately, surprise sex in dark alleys, and straight razors - but only if your beard is smaller than mine.