I am aware, insatiable, intense, eccentric, and sneaky like that.
My Self-Summary
***i need good people. People who are saturated with the vast,
ephemeral, and illusory nature of existence (if you're not a little
dysfunctional, you're not paying attention). People who are looking
to pull together a modest swathe of solid ground through
tenderness, compassion, and authenticity and then defend that
ground with tenacity and devotion. i'm new to New York, but i'd
prefer to avoid workaholics and the clubbing/bar scene... Anyone
left?***
Let's see... Summary, summary... i am a relentlessly eccentric
liberal-elite hostel-hopping hippie beatnik atheist humanist
existentialist with
LLI trying quite desperately in my old age
to find that traditional romantic dream of true, devoted love in
the direction of a suburban nuclear family - but, of course, you
can't hurry love (or some other optimistic determinism). :P
What I’m doing with my life
"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my
life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and
unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind."
- Bertrand Russell
...and also, grad school.
The first things people usually notice about me
But you don't have to take my word for it... (this was written
about me by someone i love very much)...
"that lost and scared and alone feeling. the bottom-falls-out
feeling. the cry out and no one can hear for millions of miles
feeling. i know that feeling. everyone knows that feeling on some
level even if all they know is that they are running from something
dark and intolerable. maybe people like us know it better because
we weren't held close enough as children or maybe we know it better
because our ears are just closer to the heart of the universe. i
don't know. it is deep and ancient. it is in the empty spaces
inside our bones. it is not in our heads. but i do know one thing
about you: you feel everything very, very deeply.
when i feel that lost feeling, it is completely overwhelming to me
and all i want in the world is for someone to come and make it
better. to hold every inch of me close. for you, i can scarcely
imagine how that lost feeling must feel. i ache for you to think of
it.
you look at the world and you see everyone as a child who wants
nothing more than to be held close. how can you help but love them?
how can you help but want nothing more or less than that for them?
how can you see anything mattering more than that? you want that
world. the world in which everyone is held close by someone,
everyone told goodnight. in which everyone is touched gently and
kindly and every smile returned. in which everyone does all they
can to pad the sharp edges of the whole world for everyone else. if
you think about how badly you want this for everyone, about how
many people there are suffering in so many ways, how you are
helpless to give them that world, it overwhelms you. and you cannot
stand it that they are doing it to themselves. hurting themselves.
it makes no sense." -
juxtaprose
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
(books) my inner monologue lies somewhere between
Adams,
Hornby, and
Dostoevsky.
(movies)
Reality
Bites,
The Muppets Take
Manhattan,
Kicking and Screaming
(1995),
The
Fifth Element,
Animal Crackers,
Inherit the Wind,
Before
Sunset,
Moulin Rouge,
A Bug's Life,
Rosencrantz
and Guildenstern Are Dead,
The Last Time I
Committed Suicide,
Everyone Says I Love
You,
Bicentennial Man,
Brazil,
Garden State,
Waking Life,
To Gillian on
Her 37th Birthday,
Deconstructing Harry,
12 Monkeys,
The Wedding
Singer,
The Feminine Touch,
The Pompatus of
Love,
Return to Neverland,
Josie
and the Pussycats,
The Tigger Movie,
Wall-E,
Synecdoche, New
York,
The Brothers Bloom
(tv)
Cupid,
Get Smart,
Invader Zim,
Red Dwarf,
House,
Monk,
Mad About You,
The Daily Show,
The Colbert
Report, any
Star
Trek,
Firefly,
30 Rock,
Scrubs,
Doctor Who,
Big Love,
Lie to Me,
Community
(music)
John
Mayer,
A
Fine Frenzy,
Counting Crows,
Lisa Loeb,
Fiona Apple,
Eels,
Third Eye Blind,
David Gray,
Sarah McLachlan,
Duncan Sheik,
Ben Folds
Five,
Indigo
Girls,
Belle and Sebastian,
Regina
Spektor
(food)
strawberries,
hot chocolate,
milkshakes
other things i like... cloudy skies, the smell of autumn, kind
gestures, people who wear glasses, a well-used vocabulary, a
poorly-used vernacular, great lyrics, children, the implied
infinity between stars, working pencil erasers, singing along
The six things I could never do without
love. play. exploration. thought. authenticity. growth.
(WARNING) The six things i CAN do without
image. ambition ($). functional optimism. fights. fickleness.
dishonesty.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Galileo Galilei had an unparalleled view of the stars from his
telescope and tried to share it with anyone he could. His
colleagues refused. In a letter to Johannes Kepler he wrote, "Shall
we laugh, or shall we cry?" This is, in general, how i feel about
human nature.
On a typical Friday night I am
movie-watching, play-watching, people-watching.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
If you've ever seen House, Monk, Numb3rs, Lie to Me, The Big Bang
Theory, etc... you know that "genius" isn't always a compliment.
People with 150+ IQs are notoriously hard to live with... and i may
be the worst kind, because i tend to focus on everyday things like
love, morality, and psychology.
You should message me if
If you are constantly humbled by the vast, ever-changing,
overwhelming nature of existence and often let down by the fickle,
dishonest, and egocentric nature of all these crazy monkeys, don't
hesitate.
And, on the off-chance that she's out there:
The person i'm looking for is ***good***, both in her
loving, impractically high standards of caregiving and in a deep,
thoughtful, overanalyzing sort of way. She pounces on all moral
dilemmas, philosophical problems, and psychological dissonance (in
herself and in others) as puzzles to be worked out. She loves to
explore - places, experiences, ideas - as though keeping a mental
checklist. She can be a bit of a perfectionist, but not in the
usual ways. She has a profound, intuitive, humbling awareness of
the infinite nature of existence. She is old in her wisdom and
young in her play. She thinks (and loves) to the point of
eccentricity. Do you know her?
...or if you can buy me a bookstore in Boston.
***i have a love/hate relationship with the internet as
communication, so i very rarely send unsolicited messages. If i've
viewed your profile and not written you, it's not a rejection -
feel free to message me.***