I'm looking for a girl (or two--doesn't hurt to have multiple
layers of redundancy) who can prep with me for the end of the
world... probably a solar flare that takes out the electrical grid
and you know the rest... (economic collapse, mass panic, food
shortages and then roaming gangs of cannibalistic... err... bad
guys....)
OK, really I'm just looking for a girl to watch Doomsday Preppers with. OK, we don't have to watch it but it's pretty good. Usually it's a bunch of right-wing gun nuts who are preparing for some very specific catastrophe (I think you can tell how smart they are by the catastrophe they're preparing for--my money's on the solar flare guys! :) Some dudes are preparing for hyperinflation--I mean, come on, hyperinflation???!! Gimme a terrorist attack or something--are we really afraid of astronomical prices?! Obviously these guys have never been condo-shopping in The City wink wink ;) . But seriously, I'm actually straight-up offended and think sometimes the show is exploiting rednecks--err... I mean chromatically-challenged-necks--and that Obama needs to regulate the show to prevent further exploitation of these guys but then it wouldn't be as awesome so idk!). One time there was this family from Vermont who was really good at canning as well as sewing their own clothes but they wouldn't touch a gun out of principle.... I was like... "err the first thing I'm going to do after a catastrophe is take your family hostage at gunpoint and then take your canned goods and your vast repertoire of homespun clothing!" (For you interested ladies, I don't actually own a gun--I grew up in Manhattan where I learned how to roll with the punches--decent roller, but not so high--though in fairness to me I clipped my own wings with two masters' degrees which together tell me that hyperinflation in the U.S. is highly unlikely so really there's nothing to fear but... err... well you know what... sorry... but no sense skirting around the issue in your dating profile, right? HOWEVER, if it happens and you're with me I would do all that I could to increase your survival time quite possibly at my own survival time's expense....)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so... what am I like... hmm, you'll have to find out for yourself. Honestly, I'm probably WORSE than this profile makes me seem: I really don't have any survival skills so if a catastrophe does hit, I probably won't be able to save us in the end (though I won't argue with you if you can... I'm an atheist and I'm hoping you are, too, because it will give us that edge: who else has the same incentive to cling to sweet, sweet, dear life so... dearly? Agnostics?! Please... we all know they're just birds on a fence waiting to be plucked... target practice for the gun nuts... ugh, sorry, not really that angry I swear... SERENITY NOW!). But, hey, maybe that's the better way to go out, right? Maybe I am the guy for you. I'm the guy you want if you'd like to check out before those marauding gangs of cannibals get here! (Because, seriously, do you really think that we morally adaptable atheists can beat THOSE guys? Well--MAYBE--if anyone could do it... I suppose the right-wing gun nuts but next after them... YOU and ME! Only we possess the moral flexibility to beat them by becoming them and then realize that we didn't truly beat them, after all, and then shrug it off and live happily ever-after as we walk off into the eerily pretty post-apocalyptic sunset to live in the cooperative community we've set up with the gun nuts so that once again they'll provide the fodder for a tv show that created a shared interest that ignited a spark that blew-up an economy that led to our morally justifiable cannibalism.... [fade to black.] :) [End paranthesis next to sideways smiley face.]
OK, really I'm just looking for a girl to watch Doomsday Preppers with. OK, we don't have to watch it but it's pretty good. Usually it's a bunch of right-wing gun nuts who are preparing for some very specific catastrophe (I think you can tell how smart they are by the catastrophe they're preparing for--my money's on the solar flare guys! :) Some dudes are preparing for hyperinflation--I mean, come on, hyperinflation???!! Gimme a terrorist attack or something--are we really afraid of astronomical prices?! Obviously these guys have never been condo-shopping in The City wink wink ;) . But seriously, I'm actually straight-up offended and think sometimes the show is exploiting rednecks--err... I mean chromatically-challenged-necks--and that Obama needs to regulate the show to prevent further exploitation of these guys but then it wouldn't be as awesome so idk!). One time there was this family from Vermont who was really good at canning as well as sewing their own clothes but they wouldn't touch a gun out of principle.... I was like... "err the first thing I'm going to do after a catastrophe is take your family hostage at gunpoint and then take your canned goods and your vast repertoire of homespun clothing!" (For you interested ladies, I don't actually own a gun--I grew up in Manhattan where I learned how to roll with the punches--decent roller, but not so high--though in fairness to me I clipped my own wings with two masters' degrees which together tell me that hyperinflation in the U.S. is highly unlikely so really there's nothing to fear but... err... well you know what... sorry... but no sense skirting around the issue in your dating profile, right? HOWEVER, if it happens and you're with me I would do all that I could to increase your survival time quite possibly at my own survival time's expense....)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so... what am I like... hmm, you'll have to find out for yourself. Honestly, I'm probably WORSE than this profile makes me seem: I really don't have any survival skills so if a catastrophe does hit, I probably won't be able to save us in the end (though I won't argue with you if you can... I'm an atheist and I'm hoping you are, too, because it will give us that edge: who else has the same incentive to cling to sweet, sweet, dear life so... dearly? Agnostics?! Please... we all know they're just birds on a fence waiting to be plucked... target practice for the gun nuts... ugh, sorry, not really that angry I swear... SERENITY NOW!). But, hey, maybe that's the better way to go out, right? Maybe I am the guy for you. I'm the guy you want if you'd like to check out before those marauding gangs of cannibals get here! (Because, seriously, do you really think that we morally adaptable atheists can beat THOSE guys? Well--MAYBE--if anyone could do it... I suppose the right-wing gun nuts but next after them... YOU and ME! Only we possess the moral flexibility to beat them by becoming them and then realize that we didn't truly beat them, after all, and then shrug it off and live happily ever-after as we walk off into the eerily pretty post-apocalyptic sunset to live in the cooperative community we've set up with the gun nuts so that once again they'll provide the fodder for a tv show that created a shared interest that ignited a spark that blew-up an economy that led to our morally justifiable cannibalism.... [fade to black.] :) [End paranthesis next to sideways smiley face.]
