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31 Chicago, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25-98
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 3:58pm
Relationship Type
5' 8" (1.73m)
Body Type
Average build
Special Diet
Agnosticism but it’s not important
Post grad
Doesn’t have kids
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
No one's slick as dorktron
No one's quick as dorktron
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as dorktron's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like dorktron
A king pin like dorktron
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like dorktron
My what a guy, that dorktron!
dorktron is the best
And the rest is all drips
In a wrestling match nobody bites like dorktron!:
For there's no one as burly and brawny:
As you see I've got biceps to spare:
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

No one hits like dorktron
Matches wits like dorktron
In a spitting match nobody spits like dorktron:
I'm especially good at expectorating!!
Ten points for dorktron!

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
My what a guy, that dorktron!
No one shoots like dorktron
Makes those beauts like dorktron
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like dorktron

I use antlers in all of my decorating!:
My what a guy,

I don't know what this means, but you might. Also, I feel as if I think a lot! Also, I drift between introversion and extraversion.

Extravert(22%) iNtuitive(50%) Feeling(75%) Perceiving(22%)
You have slight preference of Extraversion over Introversion (22%)
You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (50%)
You have distinct preference of Feeling over Thinking (75%)
You have slight preference of Perceiving over Judging (22%)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm in-house counsel for a corporation. I feel as if I've betrayed my punk rock upbringing, but I like who I work for.
Also I volunteer for a legal aid clinic.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
cooking a giant meal and cleaning up. My mom tells me that I'm a catch.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
is my brain. I promise that I don't have a big head.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I was a philosophy major during my undergrad years. I swear that I'm not boring. Mike Foucault and Jack Derrida are overrated philosophers, but Jack had really cool hair.

I'd say more about the books I like, but I feel that it makes me sound pompous. With that said, I am well read. For anyone demanding that I list a favorite female author, Jhumpa Laihiri.

I like all movies.

I've been listening to a lot of Radiolab, Serial, This American Life, Snap Judgement, and other podcasts. I like learning far too much for a person that's annoyed by his academic workload.

I love punk rock, but I will like anything else that doesn't suck. I tend to like pyschobilly/rockabilly. The Phenomenauts are the best science-rock band ever, ever-ever. The Manges are amazing. Mischief Brew's lyrics are gorgeous and well crafted. Screw it, just listen to this cd, you'll get the idea.

I have the palette of a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Most of my meals are pizza.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Glen Danzig-jr-jr(my dog), punk rock, The Bulls/d-rose, good conversation, literature, expresso machine
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
sometimes I wonder what the end of the universe looks like. Is it a wall? If so, what's on the other side. Is it ever expanding? What's it expanding into? Then, I begin wondering "Am I having these thoughts, because the structure of language impacts the way I cognize ideas?" Maybe it's some strange relationship between subjects, verbs and direct objects/predicate nominatives that forces me to have these strange ideas. If so, should I be angry at my first grade teacher for imprinting on me an unrealistic view of the world?

Most of the time, I don't spend a lot of time wondering stuff like that though. Normally, I wonder why cheap booze tastes sooooo much better than expensive booze.

If I'm a child at heart, does that make you a pedophile, at heart?

Why do people write that they're 'an individual' on their OkCupid profiles? Is there a massive heard of siamese-twins migrating through the country that I'm missing? If so, what do their OkCupid profiles look like? Are they individuals?

If everyone one OkCupid is looking for a partner in crime, why has no one messaged me plans for bank heist yet?

What the fuck is bikram yogurt?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
weighing the pro's and cons of getting laser-guided, rocket-propelled nipples. I'm lying, there are no cons.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I want to follow my dog around with a bottle filled with my urine. Every time he pee's somewhere, I plan to spray the area with my scent. I think this might be useful example for when I try to explain Albert Camus' Myth of Sisyphus to my dog. We went through Crime and Punishment last week, but I'm not convinced that he understands why we had to kill his old stuffed bear.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're smart.

You think that it's completely and utterly tragic that New Order's version of "Ceremony" is better than Joy Division's.

Sports are neat, but music and philosophy are the keys to my heart. Just as a tip, if you bring either of those up on our first dates, I might swoon.

You want to be my editor. I think that my mom will have to retire soon.

You want to be in shape or try to be in shape with me while we eat food that's horrible for us.

To be continued. Everyone likes a cliffhanger, right?