Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Let's try this again...
My sense of humor is less 'Family Guy' and more 'Community' which
is to say that I subscribe to a higher form of dick and fart jokes.
I have a tendency to pursue the unpursuable and enough charm to
succeed when I definitely shouldn't. It has lead to some severely
destructive pairings, which is why I am trying to reboot my
Right now, not looking to meet up with anyone until I've gotten to
know them a bit. You can't force a connection so I'd rather let one
develop via conversation rather than go out on a 'legally blind'
date. I can hang with the girls just as easily as the boys, so I'm
ok with a few new friends as well as potential dates (one of my
best friends I met through some nerdiness via message boards. We
text pretty much daily and I've never seen her face. Don't worry,
ladies, she's a lesbian :P)
Be fucking honest. Be real. I'm not trying to connect with your
imaginary version of yourself. Don't tell me you love camping just
because the online dating handbook says it will make you seem more
interesting when you'd rather be home watching a marathon of Lost.
I would too.
I prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings. If you're at a wedding
or some such, you'll find me gathering up the other wallflowers and
hanging out and chatting in our own little corner. I tell colorful
stories. I don't dance. I'd much rather find someone to come home
to than someone to go out with.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Rebooting everything. New job, new home, recently out of the most
toxic relationship ever. I mad a shitload of mistakes but I'm
learning from them all and carving the rest of my life out of
Not tomorrow, but at some point, the goal is to have a kid, raise
that kid right, and watch that kid cure cancer, just so I can say I
cured cancer with my penis. I'm not saying that not dating me means
you're pro-cancer *necessarily*.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-Listening intently while women complain about the other women they
-Saying "That BITCH!" enthusiastically
-Nodding my head occasionally
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My voice. It's not Barry White deep, but deep enough to do a Barry
White impression. I've been told I had a voice for radio. Or
someone told me I had a face for radio and I heard what I wanted to
And my beard. Holy shit, some chicks dig a beard. I don't get it. I
don't do it for them. I do it because I haven't seen my chin since
I was 12 and I'm scared to shave it.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I haven't read a book in years. I just can't get into them any
more. I think the last one I read was Fight Club, which I devoured
start to finish in one day at a laundromat.
I appreciate other media with the same depth that book readers do,
though. I am a TV afficianado, which is not to say that I watch too
much TV (well, kinda), it's just that I like to devour a show in
depth. I don't watch them live. I like to wait for the show to be
over so I don't have to wait a week between episodes.
The only exception is Game of Thrones, which I caught up on when
Facebook blew up over the red wedding. Now I have to wait every
goddamn week. I hate it!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Why 6? That's weird. Here's a complete list of what I can't do
without, besides the obvious (food, drink, etc):
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If matter can't be destroyed and just keeps getting recycled, and
Napoleon Bonaparte pooped 100 Trillion atoms worth of poop, with 8
septillion atoms in the average human, who eats an average of 15
times their own body weight per year, for 200 years, then recycled
every, say, 50 years, means that on average, one out of every 480
sextillion atoms of food you consume is made of up Napoleon's poop.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
There's no such thing as a typical Friday night, but on my average
"my friday" type of night I'm either exhausted from working all
damn week or I'll hang out at a friend's house and get my ass
kicked in some ping pong or something. Again, smaller groups, 4-8
people. BBQ's, pool, tossing frizbees, telling stories.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have no interest in hiding parts of myself. I am human and I own
it. That actually gets me in trouble more than anything else
because people assume that if I'm willing to admit X that I must
really be hiding Y, which is just not the case. If anything, I'm
usually putting out my worst features because if you're gonna get
along with me, you might as well know if you're going to be able to
take it. I'm open because I'm not ashamed to be human.
If I'm hiding anything, it's my big, dumb, stupid heart that always
gets me into trouble.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're bored or interested or naked or whatever. I'm pretty hard to
offend and I'll talk about anything.
Adding: FFS, people, give me something to work with. The few of you
who have already messaged me are so guarded and give me nothing to
feed off of.
Seriously, I'm a dude. I'm not worried about whether or not you're
coming off as a stalker or crazy or boring or whatever. In the real
world, people open up to me all the time and the most important
thing I can take from that is that we're all a little broken.
You're here because you already don't fit the mold of the woman in
the official dating handbook, so just be honest with me and I won't
judge. Worst case scenario, I'll just say it's not my thing, but
good luck to you.
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