It's not easy being green, but I manage. You?

The summary: 30ish crankypants smartass intellectual freakazoid seeks same...or different. Surprise me. Clown suit optional.

The standard adjectives: Happily freaky, but capable of looking respectable when necessary. Polysyllabic, but I like my dumb pleasures too. In decent shape, but certainly not a gym bunny. Geeky, but able to talk about other things. As a bonus: gainfully employed, prone to wearing clean laundry, and regularly showered and shaved.

The highly non-standard disclaimers: I have a girlfriend. (She's missionista here on OKC.) We're not monogamous (that's poly or polyamorous for the interest-scrapers) nor ever likely to be, but we've been dating for 15+ years, share an apartment and don't seem likely to stop soon. We're generally not trolling for threesomes here, and if you want to be her friend that's between you and her-- but being friendLY to her if you're ever in a room together is required. She's awesome, so this is usually not difficult.

BIG IMPORTANT UPDATE, JULY 2009: The aforementioned awesome girlfriend and I are expecting our first child in late November. So, um, this is probably not the time for me to be embarking on any wild new relationship adventures, and likely will continue to not be for a bit. Do feel free to drop me a line if you get the urge, but please don't be offended if it takes me a while to get back, and understand that my actual dating availability will be asymptotically approaching zero until... well, let's be optimistic and say mid-2010 at the absolute earliest. (Cue dry laughter from the parents in the audience, I'm sure.) On the slim chance that this strikes you as a personal tragedy, let me point you at my internet twin, pyrogenic, who is much like me except cuter and more available.

Trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I've now been a Californian for getting on four years. Working for some no-account search engine company in silly valley. Exploring my new city and state in my (ahem) copious spare time.

Self-promotion. Self-deprecation. Self-immolation. Systems administration. Annoying people. Driving. Writing. Charming people's parents who should by rights think I'm the devil.

First the hair, then the attitude problem.

My favorite books? Geeze, ask a lifelong junkie what his favorite drug binge was, why don't you? Okay, the handwavy author list: Anything written by Jonathan Lethem. Anything written by Haruki Murikami. Vernor Vinge. Thomas Pynchon. Jeff Noon. Steve Aylett. Octavia Butler. Maxine Hong Kingston. Hunter S. Thompson. Iain Banks.

If you go by quantity alone, I've probably re-read "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" more times than any other book not counting "The Cat in the Hat". (But having confessed that, I'd like to quickly aver that if your social group ever included That Guy who wouldn't ever shut the fuck up about Hunter Thompson and seemed confused about the difference between "quoting Thompson constantly while drinking a lot" and "having an actual career as a writer", you know the one? I am Not That Guy.)

Movies: Blade Runner. The Big Sleep. Tampopo. L.A. Confidential. Monsters Inc. Brazil. My Neighbor Totoro, 12 Monkeys. And it's not a movie, but The Wire is better than any movie I can think of in the last 5 years.

Music: Blackalicious. Elvis. New Bomb Turks. Steely Dan. Stevie Wonder. Aesop Rock. New Model Army. Tricky. Bjork. Bach. Gnarls Barkley. Tribe. Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. Kate Bush. Lyrics Born.

Food: Sushi. Curry. Foie Gras. Steak. Fresh tomatoes. Sushi. Fresh bread. Sushi. Felafel. Duck. Duck. Goose!

contact lenses,
the internet,
touch,
being noticed,
music,
coffee

...except apparently I managed to quit coffee over Yom Kippur in 2006, to the slack-jawed amazement of my girlfriend, my mother, several of my coworkers, my other girlfriend, my siblings, myself and probably my cats. I guess that means that there are only five things that I could never do without, and if I ever break down and get LASIK it'll be down to four.

Perhaps I need to acquire some more indispensable things, or maybe things are not as indispensable as we tend to think.

Music and politics. Sex and food. Whether I left the lights on at home.

...still me. But on Sunday I'm a Pirate!

I regularly worry that people don't get to what extent I'm kidding about the whole rampant egomania thing.

...you sparkle.

Be whipsmart. Be funny. Be cute. Be worth talking to and worth breaking boxsprings with. Be sure of what you want, and assertive enough to let me know. Know the difference between "your" and "you're". Practically everything else is negotiable.

Well, perhaps not everything else: if there's to be sex, safe sex is a requirement. Drugs shouldn't be the focus of your life, and if you do opiates or anything injectable, please move along.

Have a picture. Looks aren't everything, but they certainly are something, and this is an online dating site for heaven's sake.

As noted above: I am imminently to become a father, so poly or not, I'm unlikely to be available for anything other than the occasional friendly chat for a little while. But hey, maybe you know a good babysitter?