I have no real interest in beginning blogging on this site, I constantly blog on myspace, but I thought this one would be a good window into my though processes, personality and where I am in life . . . so here you go! (I posted this on my blog on myspace, today, actually, better late than never, right?)

1) I resolve to do non-required things on my schedule . . . . regardless of how slow I may be in getting to them or doing them.

2) I resolve to spend more time grooming. I am 27, it's not time to go to shit. When you catch yourself thinking, "Man, I looked better in high school", then you realize it's true, and you aren't even out of your 20's . . . just bite the bullet and paint your toenails, for Gods' sakes.

3) I resolve to have, by the end of the year: A business name. Contacts. Cards, fliers and advertising. A website. Clients. Road towards success.

4) I resolve to have an opinion and stick to it. I was voted "Most Opinated" back in h.s. (when I looked better than I do now, LOL) and for the past two years, I have let someone talk me out of my opinions. Well, guess what? Yes, you are white trash. Yes, you do whine more than me. Yes, you were stupid when you had that kid out of wedlock. Yes, you are the cause of most of your problems. Yes, your vagina does matter more than anything else in the world. And yes, you are dumb enough to be perfect for him. Which leads me to . . . .

5) I resolve to rid myself of social flax. I don't need anyone to like me enough that I feel I need to compromise my ethics or opinions to have you in my social group. Agreeing to disagree is one thing . . . but really, I just don't feel the need to deal with the bullshit. 99% of the time when we are doing things that are "bad", either socially or moralistically, we know; we just convince ourselves otherwise and then use a social cheering squad to seal the deal for us. I just want to try to be good, make good decisions, be healthy and be just. I don't need to fake it, and I am tired of patting the backs' of those who do.

6) I resolve to rediscover musical appreciation. I cannot claim to be a musically talented or gifted person. I will never be able to appreciate music in the way that someone who has an "ear" for it can. BUT, I think that I have focused too much on the idea that since I can't do it, I can't appreciate it. Music lifts the heart and lately, FOR MY OWN SELF, my heart has been soaring. I want to give it wings.

7) I resolve to not limit myself for the egos of others. A great influence in my life, a friend, has a tag on his email that reads something to the effect that we fear success and ourselves the most. I believe that. I have spent the past ten years of my life being everything but the most of what I could be, not because I was afraid of failure, but because I believe I feared success far more. Not only that, but the easiest way to answer someone's opinion of your worth is to meet their standard. I want to meet my own.

8) I resolve to be my own self, no matter how intimidating that is. If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, no power can be more intimidating than a enpowered woman. I have always marched to a different beat, but now I want to be the drummer, too. I do not want to mold myself into an IDEAL of what I should be. I realize I can, all at one time, be a Suzy Homemaker, bdsm participant, pagan, preppy, intelligent, wise, flirty, listen to country music and wear black nail polish while I do it, if I want. There is no theme or mold to my life. I am, very simply, me. In all uncertain terms. In all strange combinations. It is what makes us all truly unique.

9) I resolve to be more physically active. I will actually use my Carmen Electra strip for fitness videos. :-) I will mow my own yard. I will clean vigorously. I will VERY POSSIBLY redirect my SCA interest towards fighting. I WILL find physical outlet. I am very tired of watching a movie (notice the sitting on the couch activity there) and thinking, during some death defying escape scene in some crazy action sequence, "Wow, I would be really tired if I had to run up that entire hill." How pitiful is that? They are running for their life and I am just thinking, "Man, I hate to run." God, for once and for all, I need to get off my ass!!!

10) I resolve to take a trip, before the end of this year, that has nothing to do with the SCA, camping or anything other than just getting away. Visit an old friend or haunt. Reach a Zen moment. Rediscover something lost. Refocus and direct. Relax. Be me.