Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I feel like this video
pretty much sums
me up in a nutshell.
If that didn't clear anything up for those non-visual learners out
there, I think it also speaks much to my character if you know that
my longstanding nickname was born after I presented what
believed to be a very sensual dance to a
... Since when did looking like a drunk burglar apparently lose its
Champion - ENFP
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I just moved back to the Bay Area after a stint in NYC. I work a
ton of hours for an awesome company in the solar industry.
Oh yeah, and dancing like this
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Awkwarding any situation possible. Seriously. Examples:
- I've eaten dog biscuits by accident. Twice.
- Told an Apple Store employee that "I did the DTF thingy" with my
iPad instead of the proper, less sexual DFU restore
- Accidentally bought a male enhancement "shot" when I couldn't
find any 5 Hour Energy (I'm sorry but Extendze could easily mean
that it would extend your energy).
- Told a customer I liked to "pound it". Several times.
- Said both "whip it out" and "it went down on me" in the same work
- Wrote a 750 word essay to "Team Coco" to cancel some extra
tickets I received; message included phrases like "insert wood/hard
on joke here" and "freeballing" (not within the same sentence or
subject matter, mind you).
- Meet some random dude from Montana at a costume party and
accidentally insulted him when I asked if he was wearing a costume
or always dressed like a cowboy. (The answer was neither).
Parking by braille.
Saying words wrong. I never learned phonics (long story) so unless
I've memorized how to pronounce and spell the word, I'm at a loss.
This has lead to somewhat lazy reading practices - for years I used
to read "chaos" as "chachos" (which actually sounds a lot more epic
When I get stubborn about something, it's no longer a possibility -
it's a fact.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
that I wear a necklace that should say "JEN" but the
letters usually turn over and it will say some variation and drives
Someone once told me I was a mix of Jack Donaghy and Liz Lemon from
30 Rock. Best. Compliment. Ever.
I have a mouth like a sailor, especially while driving. I find it
rather endearing, but your parents might not.
I often (AKA always) have cat hairs on me. If you have inferred
that this means I probably associate with felines, then I
appreciate your comprehensive reading skills and believe this could
be the beginning of a magical relationship.
My driving is either atrocious or perfectly natural, depending on
if the observer has ever driven in a city (especially SF) before.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I watch them. However, the attention span necessary for anything
longer than a TV show often eludes me.
Twin Peaks, Parks and Recreation, Arrested Development (including
Season 4 if you watch it more than once), 30 Rock, Its Always Sunny
in Philadelphia, Peep Show, TED Talks, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, The
SBTRKT, Little Dragon, Aseop Rock, Totally Enormous Extinct
Dinosaurs, Passion Pit, The National, GirlTalk, Yeah Yeah Yeahs,
Rilo Kiley, Band of Horses, The Kooks, Yelle, Animal Collective,
Spoon, MGMT, <3 Miike Snow <3
I suck at feeding myself.
Too many to list. I read everything from "The Favorite Wife" (about
a weird polygamist sect in Mexico that all killed each other) to
The Hunger Games (an ex made me, I swear!).
I also tend to read about a lot of serial killers on Wikipedia (did
you know Kelsey Grammer's sister was killed by one?) but I tend to
never, NEVER read my textbooks. I pay for them, but don't read
them. Seems backwards to me.
Favorite things not in aforementioned
- Resisting being told what to do (as displayed by my defiance of
OKC's summary categories)
- People with pun-loving attitudes.
- Beards are almost always a smart choice.
- Apple products (Yup, I'm one of the crowd)
- Craigslist Missed Connections
- Bill Belichick
- Coca-Cola Classic
- Legal Pads
- Feeling superior, but only because I'm so much better at it than
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Chapstick. No, seriously - I'm always within 25 ft of some
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How different everyone's noses look different in real life then in
their OKC pictures. It's always the nose.
The OKC robot. I mean, what's his deal? Why does he work so hard to
pair us up? Is this the robot way of warning us that there's a
potential Noah's Ark situation coming up?
More importantly - Analogies.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
For legal purposes, I can't divulge too much about a
drunkenburglar's average Friday night. But until those restraining
orders calm down, I enjoy pretty low key nights - Friday night
happy hours, movies, events around the city. Somehow, inevitably,
burritos always seem to be involved.
Every once in a while though, I do walk the dangerous side. This
tends to involve:
1 attempt at some totally unnecessary
technological thing that is so far out of my league it's been
tested for steroids
1 headache after refusing help from anyone but the
nebulous internet and my own mind grapes
-2 saved from a possible murder/suicide situation
when the combined lack of sleep between my Mac and I force quits
the entire operation for the both of us
0 actually accomplished.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My most prized possession is a signed picture of Henry Winkler that
my friend got me for Xmas. It says "Jen is lovely xxxxooo Henry
Winkler". Not kidding, best gift ever.
I stay friends with all my ex boyfriends. Like, legit
Speaking of Friends, I still really like that show.
My friend has an entire photo album of screenshots of embarrassing
text things I have said.
I can't poop in public bathrooms. However, I can talk about it to
I hate eggs and I don't know how to properly pick up a child. I go
for the whole "grab securely at bottom" method, which usually
leaves the top half of him/her flaying like this
I rarely ever listen to "rap/hip hop", but every time I hear "Carry
Out" it makes me randy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- you think I'm the bee's knees (although obviously that
won't slim down the pool at all)
- you understand that there is a very good chance I will rename
you. No, not like Snuggy Bear or Hug Captain (although those
are definitely now going into my hat for later) but I don't care if
you parents named you Willard after your great grandpa - if you
look like a Henry, Mauricio, Cody, etc. I will be unable to call
you anything else. It's endearing, don't worry.
- you don't have a weird mouth. Now, this means nothing to
me and I couldn't definite an oral oddity if I tried. My mother,
however, has very strong, extremely vocal opinions about them; I,
in turn, have very strong opinions about having to listen to her
more than normal. It's a lose/lose situation for you.
- And finally, if this is your definition of love:
"Look I just fucking... love you. I love you and I don't want to
play it cool anymore because I would eat my own fingers just to
look at your face. I would be your dog, or you human mannequin or
anything you say I just... want you." - Peep Show
Who are you looking for?
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