I’m a sarcastic ***hole. I won’t open doors for you, in fact be careful as I will likely trip you as you go through the door for laughs and giggles. I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere, on the floor, in my lap, but these are the least of your worries.
I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom, and yes they stink. I will not do laundry, and insist that you do it. Not just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry. Look forward to it like you look forward to water in the desert. I think you get the picture.
Also I don’t do romance, I expect action on the first date, big time action, and I won’t sleep over (yes this will be at your place because I don’t want you to know where I live).
Online dating experts say that I should also talk about these four points so as I don’t waste my time and be successful here, so let me address each one:
1. Talk about your hobbies. – stealing candy from babies
2. Talk about your goals/aspirations – finding a sugar momma
3. Talk about yourself and what makes you unique – I’m not unique in the least bit
4. Your taste in music – The Cranberries, Enya, Tori Amos, oh and of course Sheryl Crow.
On a serious note, you will never laugh when with me and I will expect you to submit to my every whim. You will wonder “How come I’ve never met a guy like this before??!!”
If you want to get to know me for real then you know what to do.
OK girls, waiting for your emails…go……