If this was a reality show: I’m a sarcastic ***hole.
In Real Life: I'm a nice guy with a sarcastic type of humor.
Reality Show: I won’t open doors for you, in fact be careful as I will likely trip you as you go through the door for laughs and giggles.
Real Life: I am a gentleman who still believes in chivalry. I will treat you like a princess, but I am no pushover.
Reality Show: I expect you to cook for me and clean up my mess after I eat. And by the way, I’m a really messy eater. Food everywhere, on the floor, in my lap.
Real Life: I like to cook when I have the time. I am not the best, but I try. It is hard just cooking for one. I am also not a messy eater.
Reality Show: I leave my socks on the floor in the bedroom, and yes they stink. I will not do laundry, and insist that you do it. Not just insist, you must LOVE to do my laundry. Look forward to it like you look forward to water in the desert. I think you get the picture.
Real Life: I know how to do laundry and have been doing my own since high school. I try to keep the house clean, but always have home projects I am working on and a dog that seems to shed a lot, so it is hard to keep up.
Reality Show: Also I don’t do romance, I expect action on the first date, big time action, and I won’t sleep over (yes this will be at your place because I don’t want you to know where I live).
Real Life: Pretty much the same as the reality show, just kidding. I never have any expectations. I can be romantic. I do not mind cuddling. I enjoy sex, but that is not why I am here.
Online dating experts say that I should also talk about these four points so as I don’t waste my time and be successful here, so let me address each one:
1. Talk about your hobbies. – stealing candy from babies
2. Talk about your goals/aspirations – finding a sugar momma
3. Talk about yourself and what makes you unique – I’m not unique in the least bit
4. Your taste in music – The Cranberries, Enya, Tori Amos, oh and of course Sheryl Crow.
1. I enjoy golfing, working around the house, music, hanging with friends, sitting around a camp fire, and just relaxing.
2. I already have a job I enjoy, a home, a dog, but I am missing that special person to share it all with.
3. I am a good guy, but also have a naughty side.
4. I like classic rock, but my favorite band is DMB. Good music these days is hard to come by.
Reality Show: On a serious note, you will never laugh when with me and I will expect you to submit to my every whim. You will wonder “How come I’ve never met a guy like this before??!!”
Real Life: I am not a comedian, but I will make you laugh. I expect that we will do things together, but also have our alone time.
OK girls, waiting for your emails…go……
So if you made it this far, the above reality show parts are meant to be funny.