FYI, my profile should be read in the voice of Bob Saget, ala 'How I Met Your Mother'. Kids...
I recently read an article that detailed how, despite its growing popularity, online dating isn't terribly effective if broken down on a statistical basis. While approximately 30% of happy couples initially meet through online means, the reason that number isn't accurate is because so many people 'window shop' on sites, which not only suggests that much more people use them than have success on them, but that in doing so they don't take themselves or their attempts to find somebody very seriously. This is something that I've admitedly been guilty of in the past, but plan on changing.
Instead of rambling on about the same generic stuff people do on profiles like these about who they are (yes, my friends and family are important to me; yes, I 'enjoy having fun'; yes, people say I have a great sense of humor; you get the point) or why they're here (to meet somebody special they click with; anybody that says otherwise is lying, and not very well), I'll just list random tidbits. Suffice it to say, I am lots of stuff and many things. Hopefully this will paint a somewhat comprehensive picture of who I am, and with any luck you'll be able to glean some of the serious undertones to the stupid jokes mixed in. If nothing else, I suspect that the bullet-points will make my profile easier to read.
Who I Am
- I'm fairly certain that I'm my own evil twin.
- I like to class up 'that's what she said' by instead saying 'she opined thusly'.
- I'm not particularly chatty in person as I've never been the type to talk just to hear the sound of my own voice, and I'm a firm believer in choosing my words very deliberately. The written word, however is where you couldn't shut me up even if you wanted to.
- Just about the only thing I'm intolerant of is intolerance itself. Also, Canadians.
- I own more t-shirts than any other article of clothing, which isn't to say don't know how to or the time and place to dress up (side note; recently my office thought that the straight guy who can barely dress himself would be the most objective person to report on New York Fashion Week stuff for our new client Tommy Hilfiger; as a result, I was almost singlehandedly responsible for burlap sacks and lots of flannel being 'all the rage' in Milan).
- I completely understand the benefits of and support vegetarianism. Vegans, however, need to knock it off; you people know you want some cheese.
- Depsite coming from a predominantly average sized family, I'm somehow 6'5'' and look like somebody shaved a sasquatch and taught it to read.
-I have the uncanny, almost supernatural ability to look devastatingly, almost male-supermodel type handsome yet disgustingly fat and mildly downs-syndromey at the same time.
-I have the words of W.B. Yeats tattooed on my chest to remind me of something I shouldn't forget, and I have plans to get the words of Cormac McCarthy tattooed on my back to remind me of something I should keep in mind moving forward.
-Bumper stickers of all kinds make me unreasonably annoyed.
-I never buy into a single conspiracy theory until somebody smarter than me summarily debunks it, at which point I'm sold and immediately give them the suspect 'So they've gotten to you too...' look.
-I love giving children nonsensical life advice, like 'you can tell how old a Twinkie is by cutting it open and counting the rings' or 'the moon is really just the suns butt when it goes to sleep'.
-I use the terms doll, darlin', kiddo, sweetie, honey, broad, and dame not as passive-aggressive jabs with mocking misogynistic demeaning undertones, but rather as innocuous affectations. Either way, I'm told it makes me sound like an 85 year old man reliving his glory days on shore leave.
- I'm the President of my condo association. The life of a corrupt local politician ain't easy, I tell ya. There's a lot of time spent kissin' hands and shakin' babies.
- I have a little bit of a potty-mouth, but I tend to combine it with so-called '$20 words', which people seem to find both impressive and confusing.
- I believe that the best compliment anybody can ever give or receive is 'I like the way you think'.
- I own five different types of specialty cake pans (bundt, angelfood, cheesecake, giant cupcake, and filled); ironically, I do not own any regular cake pans.
What I'm Looking For
- Yang, moreso than anything else.
What I Miss About Seeing Somebody
-Cooking for them.
- Making cds for them.
- Spending a Saturday evening doing nothing at all and having that be preferred over the alternative.
- Lively, spirited debates that end in frustrated, passionate kisses.
- Both people smiling and shaking their head while calling one another a jerk, all the while you knowing that they don't really mean it, but probably could and probably should since you were, in fact, being a jerk.
- Sending and receiving random 'thought you'd like this' texts throughout the day.
- Sneaking up behind them and giving them a hug and kiss on the back of the neck,