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edheller

21 M Amherst, MA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–23
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Today – 12:19am
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Aries
Education
Working on university
Job
Education
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Has dogs
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
People compare me to Jon Stewart. I mean, like not of their own free will...but soon, I'm sure. Just graduated from UMass Amherst; I majored in this confusing jumble of stuff I tricked the University into thinking was a legitimate option that lets me study everything from writing, to sociology, Marxism/economics, PoliSci, feminism, etc. heavy on social justice liberal junk, ya know? Just got a new caretaking job for a couple of professors and their kids so that's pretty fun and they pay for me to have my own apartment so that's a sweet gig, not gonna lie. I've worked for/coached Special Olympics for over a decade so it's pretty near and dear to my heart. Basically I'm just a sarcastic fuck. Any description beyond that is just sugaring it.

I'm an inventor and engineer at heart and love creating stuff. My name's Evan (see, ya had to pay attention to learn it: test one passed) ENTP if ya do the whole Jung & Myer-Briggs shiyat, but it's pretty spot on. A non-conformist who would never call himself such out of acknowledgement to situational irony nor speak in second person ever again out of apparently and admittedly a lesser grasp on when I'm being a tool. I swear I'm cooler in person. (No promises, but on the other hand how much worse could it get *cue tstorm*)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Figuring out and enjoying life and where my place in the world is. I know I want to do something with creative writing, social justice, and a third thing. Fight the man, man. Viva la Revolucion!

In spare time trying to teach myself some guitar and Spanish. We'll see how it goes--guitar's getting better, Spanish...no bueno. My friend also just lent me his keyboard so add piano to list of things I'm probably doing instead of homework.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Rhetoric, being objective, reading/understanding people, covering up my awkwardness under a guise of confident intent, making things more complicated than needed, but way more fun.

Also getting lost while driving, despite using GPS. Me and it are no longer on speaking terms however, so if you see it, tell it to go reroute itself up its own ass. Tell her, actually, my (ex-)GPS's name is Jill. Opening doors with my feet.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My eyes and height (or lack thereof (not lack of eyes, though that'd be an easy first-notice)) are commented on most though. Dimples. The tiny man with horns and cleaved hooves sitting atop my shoulder whispering secrets into mine ears.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
My tastes in things change constantly cause I'm always trying to find new stuff to try and like, then I go through kicks of it, get sick of it, then come to it later, but uhh, here's an idea of current interests--

Books: Catch-22, Phantom Tollbooth, The Kite Runner, The Lorax, Harry Potter, whatever nerdy book I have on hand
I feel like most people answering this just jot down their 10th grade summer reading list...

Movies: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Accepted, Good Burger, Van Wilder. Space Jam, (I haven't seen most movies. For instance, I never talk about Fight Club cuz I've never seen (or read) it), Zoolander, Breakfast Club

Shows: Adventure Time, Orange is the New Black, Doctor Who, Legend of Korra, Breaking Bad, Archer, Bob's Burgers, It's Always Sunny, New Girl, The League, Parks & Rec, Community, 30 Rock, Rick & Morty, China IL

Music: Steely Dan, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Walk Off the Earth, the Shins, Arctic Monkeys, Vampire Weekend, Simon & Garfunkel, Postmodern Jukebox, Regina Specktor, Milky Chance, A Great Big World, Vance Joy

Food: Yes.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Q-tips (I don't have a problem, but that's what people with problems say), people watching, proof of human empathy, sarcasm, my keen ability to count to six.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
ways that I'm angry at the government. Ontology/personality, privilege and power, I have about a million niche interests and can offer up useless (read as 'interesting') facts on lots of subjects. Usually unsolicited.

Did you ever think that maybe there's more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking? I mean, maybe we should be doing something more meaningful with our lives. Like helping people. (It's a quote, I'm not quite that narcissistic, openly)

I just signed up for undergrad classes for the last time. Jeepers. I mean, zoinks! Pick your favorite.

One day I'm going to have to live with the cruel irony of meeting the love of my life online and being unable to give her children of my seed because finding the perfect one required such extensive hours with my laptop radiating cancerous contraceptive waves straight into my balls.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hanging out with friends, having some fun, looking for an adventure...or you know, curled up in a ball in bed watching my 8th straight hour of Netflix, who's to say? If you cry yourself to sleep for long enough, you can slumber in the happy contentment that you are now the proud owner of a waterbed of sorts (ooh, la la, ladies. Why's it salty you ask? Why it's from the salty ocean of my tears.) Or you know, just chilling with some peeps drinking mixed drinks renamed far manlier names than their fruity contents accounts for. Why yes, I will have another Surly Temple. Cuz I also like to make them strong. Like a baby mule, or Charizard.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I know 27 ways to kill a man with just my thumb and a tablespoon of nutella.

I often make up song/rap narrations to my life, mostly when alone, but you never know.

I live in constant fear while browsing OKC that my constant use of back makes it seem like I'm visiting someone's page a million times and look like I'm creeping way harder than I really am.

I feel no guilt using adblocker.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You wanna go on a random adventure or hiking at 2am (probably with a few spliffs rolled) or wanna debate anything (for sport or for the blood of the next generations first borns)