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47 San Jose, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 26-50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Nov 26
Gay, Sapiosexual, Demisexual
6' 1" (1.85m)
Body Type
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I think most of us are born with abilities, and one of the goals in any life is to understand what your abilities are and how you will use them. For me, I have a capacity to understand what is happening emotionally with a person or between people. Sure most of us have this to a degree, but mine goes quite deep sometimes. Other times, too deep.

This ability is like a sword, sharp on both sides, good for cutting but I can cut myself (and have). Because this was such a fundamental part of me, I can often understand some of the happy, sad, functioning, and non-functioning aspects of people ...

In reaction, I came to seek peace and harmony. I wanted to help people be happy and functioning ... not in such turmoil. As I grow older (and wiser?), I come to understand that the emotional turmoil is a key part of life; it's passion, it's interesting, it's love, it's at the center of stories (in books, on TV/Movies, and in life).

Today, I've found a balance of sorts. I have a deep appreciation for a lot of things which helps to ground me. One thing is an awareness that I cannot live in the past or future, it's only the present.

I have many sisters. One of my sisters has a talent for joy. She's a spontaneous storyteller with laughs and smiles to share. I've been happy and pleased to learn some of her way of being.

I realize that one aspect I would love to find in a romantic partner is compassion. I would want a man who is empathetic, and who uses his abilities in a compassionate way. In that sense, I feel almost that maybe I could talk with him and have him understand me. Maybe because he could understand me then we could relate better, and over time we could grow closer.

Anyhow, I had written half of this 6 months ago, but edited it out because it was a bit too intense in a way. However, I like philosophical discussions AND the truth of the matter is this is me; this is how I think and what I might talk about ...

The intensity comes about because I grew up with some very strong emotional personalities. I'm used to having to navigate that ... stand fast against that ...

I am laid back, reliable, and emotionally-available. I am looking for a man with the same bearing to apply for a job as my boyfriend. No previous experience is required. Just an earnest desire to do a good job.

I enjoy word play, intellectual discussions, joking (even banter), and laughing. I appreciate time in nature (wandering or playing on beaches or near other bodies of water; treks or languid hikes in woods particularly near babbling brooks; fighting or wrestling with large wild animals - oh, wait, just kidding ... daydreaming there). I enjoy long meals with conversation, talking about everything and nothing (or long conversations with food).

Staying fit and understanding how the body works interests me. Playing tennis regularly helps to sustain me and makes me smile. Practicing martial arts consistently challenges me to develop something new (my interpretation and understanding of say a technique and its use), rather seeing the same thing differently or deeper. Functional fitness seems sensible and surprisingly like learning something forgotten (what kids know, but don't know anymore when they grow up).

Learning and growing are important to me, as is feeling useful.

I am drawn to health and healing modalities, spiritual things, healthy eating (fermented foods/natural probiotics, real food, nutrient-dense food), ecologically sound approaches, gardening, DIY, book clubs, farmer's markets, ...

Some traits that make my head turn: compassion, self-awareness, and/or grit (both common and uncommon strength and resiliency) ...
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am trying to understand well what excites me, and I am trying to do those things.

I am drawn to health topics and healing modalities. I tend to sink deep into interests.

I worked for many years as a software engineer. I am semi-retired now. For me that means I am "retired" now and enjoying the free time while I am younger. However, the "semi" means that I may work some time in the future (if and when I need money).
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
understanding others' emotions and motivations. I naturally try to imagine others' perspectives and world views. I can and have helped people solve problems amongst themselves and with systems (I am particularly good at debugging systems -- even those with which I am unfamiliar -- because I conceptualize well and I can believe the impossible for just long enough.)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes I can seem tough. While it's true that I can have an edge to me, it's only a part of me. From practicing martial arts this can show even more.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: The Name of the Wind (by Patrick Rothfuss), Chapterhouse Dune (by Frank Herbert), Born to Run (by Christopher McDougall), Mastery (by George Leonard), The Gifts of Imperfection (by Brene Brown), Mindset (by Carol S. Dweck), Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It (by Gary Taubes), Ender's Shadow (by Orson Scott Card),

Movies: Shawshank Redemption, Powder, Phenomenon, Terminator, Aliens, Beautiful Thing, Get Real, A Room with a View, Shelter, Midnight Run, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,

TV Series: Downton Abbey, Orange is the New Black, Sense 8, Dr Who, The Good Wife, Suits, Emily Owens MD, The Newsroom (Aaron Sorkin is cool.), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon has a talent for helping the audience connect emotionally with his characters as he tells his story), Design with the Other 90%, Up with Chris Hayes (I find him sexy - a combination of cute with smart or maybe smart with a touch of cute - but he mentioned on the show that he has a baby so he's taken, DAMN)

Music (Songs that I like): First Day of My Life (by Bright Eyes), Save Me (by Aimee Mann), Fidelity (by Regina Spektor), Creep (by Radiohead), Soul Eclipse/If I Could Write (by Sam Phillips), I Will Follow You Into the Dark (by Death Cab for Cutie), Human (by The Killers), Con te Partiro (by Andrea Bocelli), Sail (by Awolnation), Imagine (John Lennon), Everybody Talks (Neon Trees), Primadonna (by Marina and the Diamonds), Titanium (David Guetta), Next to Me (Emeli Sande), Pachelbel's Canon in D Major.

Food: Ribeye Steak, Green (and Purple) Grapes, Watermelon juice, Spareribs, Green Tea, Avocadoes (& Guacamole), Blueberries, Quinoa, Purple Potatoes, Brown Rice, ...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
family and friends,
some kind of physical practice (say martial arts or tennis),
deep conversation,
tasty food,
freedom to be,
learning and growing
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
how to move well (in tennis, in martial arts, and probably metaphorically in life).
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
relaxing at home.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you see something in my profile, and you think we might be a match

OR, if we do not feel like a romantic match, but you believe we might be good or great friends, please message too. I am happy to cultivate friendship with those who are interested. For the longest time, developing community was more vital to me than anything romantic or sexual.