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46 M San Jose, CA

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like guys
  • Ages 26–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:39am
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I like to learn things, and I like helping people understand themselves and their relationships. I enjoy feeling useful, that I accomplished something.

I am able to see a lot of possibilities (why people do what they do). This allows me to have an open mind, because I can imagine various different stories for why or how something happened. I may have a belief and an analysis of what I think is most likely, but my capacity to empathize with others prevents me from being totally certain (and arrogant or superior). Additionally, it makes it easier for me to be appreciative of people and kindness.

I tend to have compassion for people and believe everyone deserves fairness. I also do very much appreciate friends and people who are responsible for themselves.

A really good friend of mine wants his relationships to have romance. I've never really thought of it in that way. Actually, romance is great. For me, it's more that I came to know that there's something a little more pressing. I kind of need a guy who is evolved. He needs to understand himself (what matters to him) and also have the grit (strength or resiliency) to speak up or stand up when his self demands it so.

In an earlier version of this profile, I tried to simplify things and talk primarily about what I like to do, but I don't suppose that makes it simpler.

I tend to prefer people (guys) to be more direct. I respect men who are kind and who are emotional but not leaking all over the place.

I tend to come off as tough, because I grew up with some tough people. I tried to fix them (back in a time when I thought I could fix people), but that didn't really work. My parents did the best that they could; nowadays, I love them, and they love me too: that's the best we can do (which isn't too bad) ...

I tend to go deep and can seem complex when it comes to psychology and emotional content.

I suppose I want what a lot of men want: a nice guy with good character who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him (I don't want to fix anyone anymore, so I kind of want him assembled right out of the box :). (As I said earlier, I tend to be very open-minded; I think it comes with seeing all sorts of possibilities. However, given what I know of myself, I kind of think monogamy would work better for me).

I suppose I'll throw in that list of things that I like to do:
-playing tennis,
-practicing martial arts,
-having long conversations with friends,
-enjoying well-plotted stories that have fully developed characters (in books, tv shows, or movies),
-going to book clubs and farmers markets,
-walking (hiking - but I've never done anything too severe) in nature,
-laughing about nothing and everything
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am trying to understand well what excites me, and I am trying to do those things.

I am drawn to health topics and healing modalities. I tend to sink deep into interests.

I worked for many years as a software engineer. I am semi-retired now. For me that means I am "retired" now and enjoying the free time while I am younger. However, the "semi" means that I may work some time in the future (if and when I need money).
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
understanding others' emotions and motivations. I naturally try to imagine others' perspectives and world views. I can and have helped people solve problems amongst themselves and with systems (I am particularly good at debugging systems -- even those with which I am unfamiliar -- because I conceptualize well and I can believe the impossible for just long enough.)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes I can seem tough. While it's true that I can have an edge to me, it's only a part of me. From practicing martial arts this can show even more.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: The Name of the Wind (by Patrick Rothfuss), Chapterhouse Dune (by Frank Herbert), Born to Run (by Christopher McDougall), Mastery (by George Leonard), The Gifts of Imperfection (by Brene Brown), Mindset (by Carol S. Dweck), Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It (by Gary Taubes), Ender's Shadow (by Orson Scott Card),

Movies: Shawshank Redemption, Powder, Phenomenon, Terminator, Aliens, Beautiful Thing, Get Real, A Room with a View, Shelter, Midnight Run,

TV Series: Dr Who, The Good Wife, Suits, Emily Owens MD, The Newsroom (Aaron Sorkin is cool.), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Joss Whedon has a talent for helping the audience connect emotionally with his characters as he tells his story), Design with the Other 90%, Up with Chris Hayes (I find him sexy - a combination of cute with smart or maybe smart with a touch of cute - but he mentioned on the show that he has a baby so he's taken, DAMN)

Music (Songs that I like): First Day of My Life (by Bright Eyes), Save Me (by Aimee Mann), Fidelity (by Regina Spektor), Creep (by Radiohead), Soul Eclipse/If I Could Write (by Sam Phillips), I Will Follow You Into the Dark (by Death Cab for Cutie), Human (by The Killers), Con te Partiro (by Andrea Bocelli), Sail (by Awolnation), Imagine (John Lennon), Everybody Talks (Neon Trees), Primadonna (by Marina and the Diamonds), Titanium (David Guetta), Next to Me (Emeli Sande), Pachelbel's Canon in D Major.

Food: Ribeye Steak, Green (and Purple) Grapes, Watermelon juice, Spareribs, Green Tea, Avocadoes (& Guacamole), Blueberries, Quinoa, Purple Potatoes,
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
family and friends,
some kind of physical practice (say martial arts or tennis),
deep conversation,
tasty food,
freedom to be,
learning and growing
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
how to move well (in tennis, in martial arts, and probably metaphorically in life).
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
There is no typical. I am trying to have more fun, but that doesn't really involve drinking. I do like seeing friends and sharing stories, sometimes just joking around. I have a good (new) friend who does drink. I recently found out that he's ticklish all over. Later, we were at a mixer, and he was holding a cup filled to the brim with beer. I told him that I wanted to tickle him so that his beer would explode all over. He laughed and quickly moved to protect himself, as if he could. I tickled him ...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My temperament from when I was a young boy is to be heart-centered - I care about people, and despite tough experiences over the years, caring about people is a part of me.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you see something in my profile, and you think we might be a match

OR, if we do not feel like a romantic match, but you believe we might be good or great friends, please message too. I am happy to cultivate friendship with those who are interested. For the longest time, developing community was more vital to me than anything romantic or sexual.