I hope you don't take "show me some of the things this city has to offer" to mean "lock me in the basement and murder me." While that's one thing that can certainly be done in this city, that's also something you can do in a city like Milwaukee or El Paso.
Here are some other important things about me:
1. I am fairly busy doing standup comedy between 3 and 6 times a week, though I'd take a night off for you, girl.
2. I would like to find an El Guapo Sweater so I can be him next halloween.
3. I'm creative and often come up with weirdly inspired ideas, some of which I follow up on...others which I let slowly fade away.