I'm a New York native who's fresh off the bus (moved here in May) like in Poison's"Fallen Angel" video. I'd like to meet someone willing to show me some of the things this city has to offer.

I hope you don't take "show me some of the things this city has to offer" to mean "lock me in the basement and murder me." While that's one thing that can certainly be done in this city, that's also something you can do in a city like Milwaukee or El Paso.

Here are some other important things about me:

1. I think I'm a reasonably nice guy who is funny and enjoyable to talk to.

2. I have done a woeful job of keeping up with any Kardashians.

3. I would like to find an El Guapo Sweater so I can be him next halloween.

4. I'm creative and often come up with weirdly inspired ideas, some of which I follow up on...others which I let slowly fade away.

Typing humor words for a known humor brand that hopefully elicit a giggle when sequenced correctly. I'm trying to make writing a career, how it's going is kind of debatable. I persevere.

Writing funny things. Making you feel special, girl. Other things that don't involve hunting. Tonsil hockey.

My curly hair. Sometimes, back in New York, bizarre people on the subway would ask to touch it. I let them for fear if I said no, they would brandish a sharp object and see fit to slice me with it.

Books: Catch-22, Live From New York (About SNL), Slaughterhouse Five, Assassination Vacation, A Prayer For Owen Meany, About A Boy, High Fidelity, A Short History of Nearly Everything, Roughing It, Your life story.

Movies: I Heart Huckabees, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Life of Brian, The Professional, Three Amigos, High Fidelity, Team America: World Police

Music: Idlewild, Elvis Costello, Rilo Kiley, Jenny Lewis, Magnetic Fields, Wilco, Elliott Smith, Kathleen Edwards, Silver Jews, The Beach Boys, REM, Outkast, Uncle Tupelo, Aimee Mann, Neko Case, Golden Smog

1. Serpents
2. the shower
3. Bail Bonds
4. whimsy
5. socks
6. macbook
7. It let me put a number 7, I think OK Cupid is broken.

How to be more successful.
Getting out of my comfort zone.
Moving/traveling to a foreign land.
How to best OK Cupid in all facets of the dating game.
What the margin of error is on these okcupid, friend/enemy percentages.

Drinking with friends at a bar or house party. At least that's what I do in Brooklyn. I imagine that sort of thing will continue here.

When I was 8 years old in summer camp, my best friend introduced me to his parents as "the unathletic Evan."

Also, I put my body type as "used up" because I have no idea what that means. Does that mean I've used hard drugs so freely and have been so sexually promiscuous that it's ravaged my body and I'm a shell of a man or does it just mean I had a sports injury once and have a noticeable limp? Regrettably neither of those apply.

...you believe in magic. I can pull rabbits out of hats, but not hats out of rabbits.

...you have the slightest thought that says, "I think I should send this person who I don't know a message...Yeah...I totally should."

...someone dared you and they're staring at you chanting "DO IT! DO IT" You are such a sucker for peer pressure.