Hello all. Hi there, people who already know me and are having a good snigger at this. I'm Stephen, and I saw a bunch of people going on about this site on a webforum, so I thought I'd stick my nose round the door. Since joining, I have discovered that I would survive a zombie apocalypse and that I know the meanings of words.

I am here, there, and everywhere.

I write about tech and gadgets and shiny electronic things. I used to write about telly. In the best of all possible worlds, I'd be collecting another Best Director Oscar to add to the collection, though as I've only done a couple of short films, this is manifestly unlikely to happen any time soon. Still, I keep plugging away. :)

I can play the guitar, a bit. Cooking! Obscure trivia! Spelling! Writing stream of consciousness tossycock in boxes on The Internets.

I talk a lot of nonsense. "Please," they say, "I don't want to know about Christopher Nolan's use of plot-driven narrative and the deficiencies of his character writing. This is a shoe shop. If you don't want to buy shoes I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Books!
Jerome K Jerome - Three Men in a Boat
Michel Faber - The Crimson Petal and the White
Michael Cox - The Meaning of Night
Patrick Süskind – Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
Christopher Priest - The Prestige
Glen David Gold - Carter Beats the Devil
Jane Austen - Pride and Prejudice
Michael Chabon - The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
Anything by: Alan Moore, Grant Morrison, Warren Ellis, Neil Gaiman, Lance Parkin, Paul Cornell, Lawrence Miles, Ian Watson, Richard Dawkins, Douglas Adams, Philip Pullman.

Movies!
The Usual Suspects
The Big Lebowski
Withnail & I - if you don't like this film, you are a sad, empty shell of a person and I don't wish to know you.
Rocketeer
Dead Man's Shoes
Dark City
The Prestige
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
Memento
Brotherhood of the Wolf
The Fall
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
MirrorMask
Hot Fuzz
Shaun of the Dead

TV!
Mad Men
Boardwalk Empire
Deadwood
True Blood
Doctor Who
Sherlock
The Wire
Game of Thrones
Firefly
Torchwood
Black Books (if you don't laugh at this, you FAIL AT LIFE)
QI
Anything by Charlie Brooker
State of Play
House of Cards
Dexter

Music!
Hard rock, art rock, a smattering of metal. If it has guitars in, I'm happy. My particular favourites are Guns N' Roses (yes, and the new lot too...), Velvet Revolver, The Smashing Pumpkins
Nine Inch Nails, Queen (I still can't forgive them for that musical, though. What were they *thinking*? Apart from, "Ooh, lovely money..."), Buckethead, and Jane's Addiction.

Food!
Anything really. Curries are particularly good. And fruity malt loaf. Fizzy wine with strawberries mashed in, and picnics with sandwiches and things. Lemon drizzle cake.

Cake (lemon drizzle, though Victoria sponge will do).
A guitar of some sort. Noodling around on it is the ultimate displacement activity.
A book. Actually, these days it's a Kindle. Yay e-books!
A telly, a DVD player and a well-stocked library of films. That *is* one thing, and you can feck off.
A writing pad and paper.

How it is that Michael Bay is allowed to carry on making films. I mean, really. Did they learn nothing from Transformers? Or, indeed, Transformers 2? Also, all those "winsome indie" flicks that keep getting poster space on the Tube. You know the ones I mean, they always have squiggly lo-fi artwork (that's been carefully crafted by an overpaid graphic designer) and probably star Ellen Page.

Probably watching a film or something. Or, at the moment, writing. About zombies.

I fear wasps, and run away shrieking like a girl whenever one buzzes nearby. Though I got stung for the first time a while back, and it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I mean, I'm not going to start seeking it out, but it's nice to be disabused of a phobia. Which is called spheksophobia, incidentally. You learn a new thing every day.

You have all your own teeth.