Saw a journal entry from something_pithy which had this message:

Look at your matches, find your top ten matches IN YOUR AREA AND IDEAL AGE RANGE and WITHOUT posting who they are, post the reasons you aren't messaging them. If you have no reason, MESSAGE THEM!

Now, if you know me you know that I don't follow orders, so I won't message anyone who I don't bloody well feel like messaging, but the exercise seemed amusing, so here goes. I don't know what is considered my "ideal age range" so I'm going 10 years either side of mine, keeping with the theme of 10's. Since I'm like 95% straight, I'm leaving the filter to women only.

Top 10 Matches in 10 Miles, Ages 22 - 42.

1. I'm not messaging her because it'd be redundant. We met here, messaged a bit, called each other, met, had lust, friendship, love... We now live together and we chat on IM whenever we like while we're at work. Fucking awesome. Yay for OKC!.
2. We have messaged, but moreover we're friends and we hang out pretty much weekly, if not a couple times a week. Awesome lady.
3. I just messaged her and invited her to the weekly brunches/dinners since she seems awesome.
4. Hm, I've been hesitant to message this person because their profile is ridiculously incomplete - incomplete profiles make me wary.
5. Heh, she messaged me first and we've hung out quite a lot actually - I see her more than the second one on this list and we're pretty close friends at this point. In fact, we kissed once (but that's not the direction we're heading right now, which is good for both of us).
6. Another like #2 - have messaged, see each other about weekly, friends. Yay!
7. Hm, another incomplete profile but - more importantly - seems to be a very big sports fan. How can we match that much and she's a massive sports fan? Oh, right... because she's answered all of like... 130 questions. Bad possible matching. Besides, I can't stand sports. Maybe I need to look past that, see what she's like in person if possible.
8. Again, I don't trust the question count (especially since she's been here longer than I have). Honestly, though... I can't think of a very good reason beyond that, except perhaps here apparent obsession tendencies with certain geekness. I love geekness, of course, but... too much of anything concerns me. {sigh} Perhaps I'll message her anyway.
9. This one I have messaged and it sort of ... petered out, I guess. I dunno, no spark at that time. Perhaps another time.
10. Also messaged, no response. Meh, not a big deal. She seems cool enough, but then she's also a student and I'm not sure I care to be with a full time student much. They tend to get on my nerves quickly.

So there's mine. I've left out some credit. Remember to check the post where I found this to see who asked what and whatever else. Mer.

That something_pithy lady... I may have to message her.

Would you say that you're the type of person who...

• learns from their mistakes
• sometimes continues bad habits
• doesn't see the point in learning from them
• doesn't make any mistakes

Um... problem with this: mistakes and bad habits are different things. I both continue a couple of "bad habits" and learn from my mistakes. The options are a little too skewed. Skip!

Is it equally bad for a man and woman to cheat on a partner?

• Yes.
• No, it is worse if a man cheats.
• No, it is worse if a woman cheats.
• I have no problem with cheating either way.

This is a good example of self-centered authoring when it comes to OKC questions. I don't believe in the concept of "cheating" at all, so this question is pretty useless to me.

If I "have no problem" with my partner having additional sexual partners, I wouldn't consider it "cheating" and the phrase "I have no problem with cheating either way" loses real meaning. Now, I consider lying about it to be negative [dishonesty with one's partner(s) isn't positive for a relationship], but the act of sexuality with others isn't the real issue for me and I just don't have patience for misdirecting the issue to be about the act of sex alone, or assuming that sex outside the primary relationship is only defined as "cheating" with no consideration for alternative lifestyles.

A less monogamy-centric phrase than "cheating" would have been a better choice, since it's terribly assumptive of the reader's beliefs and social constructs. Maybe a little more in-depth thinking would have helped make this question worthwhile.

Skipping this shit.

So I updated my site, elskan.com. This time it's a rant about what a little prat I can be when I'm sick and an apology to a couple people who got some of the foul temper. Sorry you two.

Anyhow you can comment here if you like.

March 04, 2008: Onle Little Plague and I Become a 10-Year-Old

When I get ill—I mean, really ill sick—I turn into a little boy. I whine, I pout, I get six ways to bitchy and generally have to spend most of my sickness curtailing how much I blubber and try to occupy myself with small tasks so that I don't drive other people crazy (or myself, for that matter). My brain goes into 8-year-old mode and it's tough for me to monitor my behavior.

That said, I still think I do a fair job not overdoing it. I monitor myself fairly well and can usually keep the whines and irritability to a dull edge. However, that doesn't mean I'm very good at coping with actual emotional strain and sometimes I'll struggle to maintain some veneer of rationality and stability. If confronted with sheer disregard... if someone makes commitments and then utterly ignores those commitments and my feelings, I can lose it a little.

And yet, even with that in mind I have to apologize to my Love. I'm sorry, Mandy-Love, for being so difficult last night. I was hurt, miserable and emotional and went a little overboard with my reaction. And thank you, for your apology, but more so for your forgiveness and the desire to keep letting us work things out together. I Love you, Anima Mia.

Moss, I hope you understand and that I didn't muck things up too badly.

Everyone else... screw you, I'm sick. Wah. Alright, not "screw you" but... wah.

/me trundles off to cuddle the Mandy-Love and hope for a healthier tomorrow.

Nite nite, kids.

~ Brent Elskan

Recent update to my website. It's long. Comment here or by email if you want to.

02/19/2008: Love, Experience & Promises

If I believed in god(s), I think I would have a good rationale for believe it is a (or they are) god(s) of a love-based nature; genitals.

The penis and vagina, particularly the non-mutilated foreskin or clitoris, are excellent examples of a god or gods loving us.

Yay for sexuality.

Addendum:
For some reason I'm in a particularly sexual mood right now. I don't know why, just yet, but perhaps it's something to do with my Exquisite-Lover-Partner being on a date with an excellent example of the intelligent human male. Sure, there are some insecurities I'm sort of coping with at the moment, but mostly it's a sense of "yay Mandy!"

In fact, she just called and told me she'll be in about 1 or 2 AM and I'm happy for her. A little "aw, but... but me!" however I recognize this as simple insecurity founded on irrational fear. 90% (perhaps more) of me feels "Eeee! Yay!" about it. Huzzah for progress!

Now to go masturbate and then read a little.

I'm so sick of "would you consider" questions. Of course I'd "consider" whatever potentials, but my decision about pursuing any level of a relationship with another person would in most cases depend greatly on additional considerations.

Now, polyamory I'm familiar with and supportive of, so I decided to answer this "yes" without any reservation. However... the "would you consider" questions piss me off because one could offer some pretty whacked out shit for me to consider and I'll still consider it. I may or may not be comfortable actually deciding to participate in it, and I may very likely decide against certain kinds of relationships with people who exhibit a fair number of such considerations, but I'll nearly always consider it. I tend to be pretty open to other people's beliefs, interests and values being different from mine, too. I could easily "date" someone who believed or practiced something I personally don't care for, because it's not necessary to me that everyone I may put my penis in has to be some little replicated version of me or my ideals. Variety, mother fuckers!

The other thing is, "dating"... What the fuck is that supposed to mean nowadays? And you know, there are people I'd "go on a date" with who I wouldn't really want to be romantically involved with. Or how about "I'd not care if I wanted to get laid, but if we're talking 'live together and begin a relationship' potentials, maybe not."

You know, maybe I'd have an easier time with it if they'd sort of remake these "would you consider" questions into something more like "If your potential partner believed in / practiced / wanted {blah, blah}, would it make you more or less inclined to continue the relationship?" That's all it really boils down to with me: there's a big difference between assessing qualitative personality traits or relationship potentials and making an all or nothing decision based on a single factor.

Retarded fucking "consider" questions. Bah.

Is evil necessary in the world?

• Yes
• No

I just don't believe in the philosophical concept of "evil" and it would be nice if the author would have picked a less stigmatized word. For me, the question calls to mind Judaeo-Christian symbols of "Satan" and "Hell" which are, in my thinking, silly literalisations. Skipping it.

So here's what I got on the simple version of the Enneagram test here on Ok Cupid.

Your Score: 5 - the Observer

You chose BZ. Your Enneagram type is FIVE (aka "The Thinker").

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along With Me

• Be independent, not clingy.
• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
• Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
• don't come on like a bulldozer.
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a FIVE

• standing back and viewing life objectively
• coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
• my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
• not being caught up in material possessions and status
• being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a FIVE

• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
• feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
• being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
• watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

FIVEs as Children Often

• spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
• have a few special friends rather than many
• are very bright and curious and do well in school
• have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
• watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
• assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
• are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
• feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

FIVEs as Parents

• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions

You wanna know MORE?
So check out, what Wikipedia says about type FIVE.

You'll find even more on Google

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Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk.

All the best moments, all the most wonderful feelings, have been utterly poisoned with insidious, ubiquitous, cheap knock-offs made of currency. Cell phone ads, vehicle ads, spots for perfume or jewelry or furniture or long-distance telephone rates, all this jumble, mish-mash gibberish... tainted and spoiled by the cheap peddlers of flimsy goods and services who pick our pockets while they steal our souls.

I want to remake my language so it's not so cheap, so I can say something to someone whom I am in love with and not have it sound like a method for selling life insurance or adult diapers. I need new words, new forms of expression which haven't been slaughtered by greeting cards and sitcoms, so now I'll begin borrowing anew to tell someone when I believe them to be the very essence of life.

Love alone isn't a big enough word, my dear one.