I was attacked by trash people this weekend. I was in Merrit Island, FL helping Claire clean out her mother’s house when the attack happened. As I carted old furniture, boards with rusty nails sticking every-which-way, and rusty birdcages to the curb for Merrit Island garbage men to curse under their breath the next morning, a peculiar thing began to happen. Passers by noticed the growing pile next to the mailbox and stopped to take a look.

At first the trash people were shy, grabbing bits and pieces from the pile then scurrying away before I returned with another cart full, but as the day progressed their fear subsided. Soon there were several trucks parked outside the house eagerly awaiting each delivery. I could sense their fever. “You gots any old books or collectibles in there?”
“Uh… we are just throwing out the garbage.”
“What about old pictures? Got any of them?”
“I think we’ll want to keep those.”
“Mind if I come inside with you and take a look around?”
“Yes.”

The trash people were convinced they had stumbled upon some sort of broken-folding-chair and old-bike-tire gold mine. As more trucks arrived their intensity grew. Soon the trash people were meeting me on the driveway and grabbing boxes filled with empty beer bottles and broken Christmas ornaments from my arms. “Try not to make a mess.” I told them as they dumped the contents on the ground. Unfortunately, these trash people had no concept of ‘mess’ or “‘garbage’ and looked at me like I had just asked them to put out their cigarettes and take a bath.

After a quick beer break around 5 pm I walked back outside to find a trash person waiting in the garage. “You gonna throw away that refrigerator?” he asked excitedly.
“We’re giving it to charity.”
“But I need a fridge!” he whined.
“Get out.”
“What about that lawn mower?”
“Get … out.” I repeated.
With a wave of his hand he returned to the street. “We’re all done here folks.” I heard him say to the other trash people, followed by a chorus of groans.
Slowly the trash people dissipated with their heads hung low. The garbage give away was over. It was time for them to return to the trash heap to protect their radish crops and focus on capturing those infernal Fraggles.