Dear everyone,

Please stop talking to me about politics. Do you hate Palin, think Obama is inexperienced, appreciate McCain’s economic policies but disagree with his social politics? — I don’t care. You’re political opinions are about as interesting to me as the size of your most recent dookie, and I don’t want to hear about it either one.

I have to watch 8 hours of political coverage everyday at work, and unlike the rest of you, I am not able to drink every time Sarah Palin says “Maverick,” Obama mentions Bush, or McCain soils his depends.

While it is difficult to imagine someone caring less than I do about this election (try picturing some sort of sponge creature without the capacity for conscious thought), I am forced to read countless hate mail calling me a Nazi fascist or a commie pig because the Obama/McCain signal went to color bars. Seriously, I am not part of some secret media conspiracy to influence the election.

Do you understand that nearly half the population does not share your pick for president? Quit posting divisive Facebook status messages claiming you “is Hates Obama’s stupid face!” or “is OMG Palin is such a moran!1″

All you are doing is pissing people off. Nobody is reading your message and going, “You know what… Obama’s face is kinda stupid. I think I will vote for McCain.”

And don’t think your political rants will affect undecided voters. Undecided voters a like hot lesbians — despite porn/polls, they don’t really exist. The 7% of America who claim they are undecided really just want to be interviewed by CNN.

In conclusion, remember to get out and vote on November 4th. Or don’t. I don’t really care.