Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

SassMonsta

24 Cincinnati, OH Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Men who like women
  • Ages 23–32
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 12:02pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 1″ (1.55m)
Body Type
Curvy
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Judaism, and laughing about it
Sign
Gemini, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Working on university
Job
Student
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), German (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
important! i have spina bifida. it is a physical birth defect, and if you intend to date me, it is extremely important that you familiarize yourself with my diagnosis and the challenges that accompany it so you know what you're in for.

attention! my name is not "hey there gorgeous". i am not your fucking wifey. get your shit together, pepe lepew.

i'm emily. i'm 24, sassy as shit (duh), and made of glitter [citation needed].

i tried to leave this stupid site behind, but i caved and came back. guess i secretly love getting compliments from seedy dudebros on the interwebs. so be it.

i really like poetry, stand-up comedy, victorian architecture, collecting tiny things, traveling abroad, double chocolate milanos, stuff that smells like flowers, people with mohawks, fairies, and marilyn manson's cover of "personal jesus".

i'm a classically trained singer and i play the autoharp. i grew up wanting to sing professionally, but i tried music school and it was the worst. *fart noise with mouth*

i am groot.

i have literally zero tolerance for misogyny. literally zero.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
i major in social work at UC and am involved with a fair amount of stuff on campus. i haven't quite reach optimum financial independence yet (*grumble*), but i play jazz shows whenever i can for a little extra pocket money. i also have an enormous cat/fur-child and a pretty alright group of friends.

right now i'm working on a BSW/LSW. i plan to work for a bit after i graduate and then go back for my MSW/LISW. the main area i'm interested in professionally is counseling survivors of domestic human trafficking, but i'm also very interested in exploring the ways in which mental illness affects musicians/artists/creative types.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
deciphering makeup jargon. (if you need someone to help you pick out a lipstick for your mom, i'm your gal.)

subject-verb agreement.

scaring away men at bars who want to talk to my friends.

photosynthesis.

music?? https://soundcloud.com/emilyrachelash/screamin-jay-hawkins-i-put-a
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
the limp. also, i've been told i have "anime eyes". which is pretty cool.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
okay. let's do this.

some of my favorite books are catcher in the rye, brave new world, animal farm, the fault in our stars, the bean trees, a separate peace, the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, and dry: a memoir. i'm pretty into short stories, too, like william dean howells' "editha", sophocles' "antigone" (that's actually a play but whatever), vonnegut's "harrison bergeron", and nabokov's "signs and symbols". all good stuff. my favorite thing to read is poetry; i love e.e. cummings, hafiz, billy collins, rumi, ogden nash, shel silverstein, and kapka kassabova.

i'm not a very avid movie-goer, but i absolutely fucking love one flew over the cuckoo's nest, a clockwork orange, the graduate, my neighbor totoro, the fall, american psycho, trainspotting, SLC punk, fantasia (the original one from 1940), american history x, guardians of the galaxy, mary poppins, paris je t'aime, and an assortment of others. i mostly prefer watching movies alone or with a friend or two in my living room.

my favorite tv shows at this current moment are bob's burgers and american horror story: freak show.

my music taste is kinda hard to sum up succinctly so i'll just list a bunch of bands/genres i listen to. i adore the buffalo bills (a barbershop quartet), against me!, arcade fire, the reatards, miscellaneous choral music, country and rockabilly from the 50s and 60s, big band jazz (and jazz in general, but big band is my fave), reggae and ska, black joe lewis and the honeybears, the jim jones revue, cake, the devil makes three, the smiths, the mountain goats, andrew jackson jihad, bikini kill, black flag, neutral milk hotel, iggy pop, old crow medicine show, wilco, simon and garfunkel...the list goes on and on. i'll add more as i think of more.
i'm a picky-ish eater. i love italian, pizza, burgers, chicken wings, barbecue, indian, falafel, and cheesecake. i generally have the diet/palate of a five-year-old who lives in a gas station convenience store. if you have a problem with that, kindly move along.

extra credit time!

some of my favorite musicals are the music man, sound of music, mary poppins, south pacific, avenue q, spring awakening, my fair lady, and hair (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH HAIRSPRAY, WHICH I STRONGLY DISLIKE).

my favorite operas are porgy & bess and tchaikovsky's eugene onegin. i've probably seen 7 operas ever, though, and am by no means an expert.

some comedians i really like are john mulaney, louis ck, kumail nanjiani, demetri martin, hari kondabolu, margaret cho, tig notaro, pete holmes, and the late, great mitch hedberg.

my favorite artists are mucha and erte. i know nothing about art.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
music
comedy
dogs*

that's...that's really it.

*dogs are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. don't even look at me if you're not all about petting puppies.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
listening to hank williams and crying.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
i have probably never seen your favorite movie ever and probably don't want to.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
~you are able and willing to listen to me talk about animals forever.
~you still love homestarrunner.com.
~you are groot.

helpful side note!
you may have figured out from looking at various bits of my profile that i am a feminist.
i do not hate men. i do hate it when people make ignorant assumptions about feminism.
please educate yourself!

if you are still unsure as to whether or not you want to message me, perhaps a user testimonial will help sway you:
"fuck you broke crack head bitch"
-a real okcupid user, not a paid actor. if that doesn't do it, i don't know what will.

you are now approaching the end of my okcupid profile. mind the gap (not a reference to the chive. stop messaging me with references to the chive. i do not read the chive).