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SassMonsta

24 F Cincinnati, OH

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 1″ (1.55m)
Body Type
Curvy
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Judaism, and laughing about it
Sign
Gemini, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Working on university
Job
Student
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), German (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
attention! my name is not "hey there gorgeous". i am not your fucking wifey. get your shit together, pepe lepew.

i'm emily. i'm 24, sassy as shit (duh), and made of glitter [citation needed].

i tried to leave this stupid site behind, but i caved and came back. guess i secretly love getting compliments from seedy dudebros on the interwebs. so be it.

i occasionally get really emotional about the respective deaths of buddy holly and patsy cline. if you stick with me long enough, you will probably witness me crying over one or both of them. whether it's "cute" or "crazy" is entirely up to you.

i really like poetry, stand-up comedy, victorian architecture, collecting tiny things, traveling abroad, double chocolate milanos, stuff that smells like flowers, people with mohawks, fairies, and marilyn manson's cover of "personal jesus".

i'm a classically trained singer and i play the autoharp. i grew up wanting to sing professionally, but i tried music school and it was the worst. *fart noise with mouth*

there was a big blurb here and a lot of it doesn't really feel applicable to my life anymore so here is a placeholder until i think of something else to put here.

i have literally zero tolerance for misogyny. literally zero. if you regularly start sentences with "i'm not a misogynist, but..." then congratulations; you are probably a misogynist.
What I’m doing with my life
i major in social work at UC. i also have an enormous cat/fur-child and a pretty alright group of friends.

i intend to get my bachelor's and eventually master's in social work and also get whatever certification i need in order to counsel. i'm interested in rape crisis work and would love to work with people who have survived sex trafficking within the US, although i'm also becoming increasingly interested in working for this organization: http://www.nuci.org/

important! i have spina bifida. it is a physical birth defect, and if you intend to date me, it is extremely important that you familiarize yourself with my diagnosis and the challenges that accompany it so you know what you're in for. i can't believe i have to say this, but PUH-LEEZE refrain from asking me about it in your first message to me. do you people really not understand how rude that is? jesus.
I’m really good at
subject-verb agreement.

scaring away men at bars who want to talk to my friends.

photosynthesis.

singing, i guess? https://soundcloud.com/emilyrachelash/screamin-jay-hawkins-i-put-a
The first things people usually notice about me
the limp. also, i've been told i have "anime eyes". which is pretty cool.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
okay. let's do this.

some of my favorite books are catcher in the rye, brave new world, animal farm, a separate peace, the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, and dry: a memoir. i'm pretty into short stories, too, like william dean howells' "editha", sophocles' "antigone" (that's actually a play but whatever), vonnegut's "harrison bergeron", and nabokov's "signs and symbols". all good stuff. my favorite thing to read is poetry; i love e.e. cummings, hafiz, billy collins, rumi, ogden nash, and kapka kassabova.

i'm not a very avid movie-goer, but i absolutely fucking love one flew over the cuckoo's nest, a clockwork orange, the graduate, my neighbor totoro, the fall, american psycho, trainspotting, SLC punk, fantasia (the original one from 1940), american history x, mary poppins, paris je t'aime, and an assortment of others. i mostly prefer watching movies alone or with a friend or two in my living room.

my favorite tv shows at this current moment are probably adventure time, orange is the new black, bob's burgers, and space dandy.

my music taste is kinda hard to sum up succinctly so i'll just list a bunch of bands i listen to. i adore the buffalo bills (a barbershop quartet), against me!, arcade fire, the reatards, miscellaneous choral music, country and rockabilly from the 50s and 60s, big band jazz, reggae and ska, the jim jones revue, cake, the devil makes three, the smiths, andrew jackson jihad, bikini kill, black flag, neutral milk hotel, iggy pop, old crow medicine show, wilco, simon and garfunkel...the list goes on and on. i'll add more as i think of more. the devil makes three is probably my current favorite and if i find out you're also a fan, i will probably start crying (music makes me cry a lot).

i'm a picky-ish eater. i love italian, pizza, burgers, chicken wings, barbecue, indian, falafel, and cheesecake.

extra credit time!

some of my favorite musicals are the music man, sound of music, mary poppins, south pacific, avenue q, spring awakening, my fair lady, and hair (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH HAIRSPRAY, WHICH I STRONGLY DISLIKE).

my favorite operas are porgy & bess and tchaikovsky's eugene onegin. i've probably seen 7 operas ever, though, and am by no means an expert.

some comedians i really like are john mulaney, louis ck, kumail nanjiani, demetri martin, margaret cho, tig notaro, pete holmes, and the late, great mitch hedberg.
The six things I could never do without
music
comedy
dogs*

that's...that's really it.

*dogs are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. don't even look at me if you're not all about petting puppies.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom.
On a typical Friday night I am
watching "trauma: life in the ER" with my cat.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
i have probably never seen your favorite movie ever and probably don't want to.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 23–32
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you are able and willing to listen to me talk about animals forever.

helpful side note!
you may have figured out from looking at various bits of my profile that i am a feminist.
i do not hate men. i do hate it when people make ignorant assumptions about feminism.
please educate yourself!

if you are still unsure as to whether or not you want to message me, perhaps a user testimonial will help sway you:
"fuck you broke crack head bitch"
-a real okcupid user, not a paid actor. if that doesn't do it, i don't know what will.

you are now approaching the end of my okcupid profile. mind the gap (not a reference to the chive. stop messaging me with references to the chive. i do not read the chive).