25 Cincinnati, OH
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
important! i have spina bifida. it is a physical birth defect, and if you intend to date me, it is extremely important that you familiarize yourself with my diagnosis and the challenges that accompany it so you know what you're in for.

i'm emily. i'm 25, sassy as shit, and made of glitter [citation needed].

i tried to leave this stupid site behind, but i caved and came back. guess i secretly love getting compliments from seedy dudebros on the interwebs. so be it.

i really like poetry, stand-up comedy, victorian architecture, collecting tiny things, traveling abroad, chocolate, bubble baths, stuff that smells like flowers, people with mohawks, fairies, and marilyn manson's cover of "personal jesus".

i'm a classically trained jazz singer (oxymoron, i know, but i'm just not cut out for classical music); i'm pretty heavily involved with the local music scene. i like going to the comet a lot. and other bars in northside, but mostly the comet.

if you support racist cops/think that the fact that black people are being killed by cops every 28 hours is the victims' fault, do both me and yourself a favor and refrain from speaking to me. thank you kindly.
What I’m doing with my life
making music and trying to find a job. that's really it.

also, i have a cat. her name is hatchet. she is an angel. i have a hard time trusting people who don't like her/aren't super nice to her, so that's important.
I’m really good at
deciphering makeup jargon. (if you need someone to help you pick out a lipstick for your mom, i'm your gal.)

subject-verb agreement.

scaring away men at bars who want to talk to my friends.


The first things people usually notice about me
the limp.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
okay. let's do this.

some of my favorite books are catcher in the rye, brave new world, animal farm, the fault in our stars, the bean trees, a separate peace, the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, orlanda, and dry: a memoir. i'm pretty into short stories, too, like william dean howells' "editha", sophocles' "antigone" (that's actually a play but whatever), vonnegut's "harrison bergeron", and nabokov's "signs and symbols". all good stuff. my favorite thing to read is poetry; i love e.e. cummings, jeanann verlee, hafiz, billy collins, rumi, ogden nash, shel silverstein, and kapka kassabova. i've also become a huge fan of david sedaris' essays and short stories lately.

i'm not a very avid movie-goer, but i absolutely fucking love one flew over the cuckoo's nest, a clockwork orange, the graduate, my neighbor totoro, the fall, american psycho, trainspotting, SLC punk, fantasia (the original one from 1940), american history x, guardians of the galaxy, mary poppins, paris je t'aime, and an assortment of others. i mostly prefer watching movies alone or with a friend or two in my living room.

my favorite tv shows fluctuate depending on what's on, but i love bob's burgers and broad city.

i adore the buffalo bills (a barbershop quartet), against me!, arcade fire, the reatards, miscellaneous choral music, hank williams, wanda jackson, big band jazz (and jazz in general, but big band is my fave), andrew bird, black joe lewis and the honeybears, the jim jones revue, cake, the melodians, fleet foxes, the devil makes three, clem snide, the mountain goats, andrew jackson jihad, bikini kill, black flag, james brown, sufjan stevens, chris thile, neutral milk hotel, david wax museum, old crow medicine show, wilco, simon and garfunkel...etc. etc. etc. etc.

i'm a pretty picky eater. we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

extra credit time!

some of my favorite musicals are the music man, sound of music, mary poppins, south pacific, avenue q, spring awakening, my fair lady, and hair (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH HAIRSPRAY, WHICH I STRONGLY DISLIKE).

my favorite operas are porgy & bess and tchaikovsky's eugene onegin. i've probably seen 7 operas ever, though, and am by no means an expert.

some comedians i really like are john mulaney, louis ck, kumail nanjiani, demetri martin, hari kondabolu, tig notaro, and pete holmes.

my favorite artists are mucha and erte. i know nothing about art.
The six things I could never do without

that's...that's really it.

*dogs are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. don't even look at me if you're not all about petting puppies.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom.
On a typical Friday night I am
listening to hank williams and crying.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
when i took photography in high school, i used to drink from the water filter in the dark room. there's something about being terrible at photography that makes me very thirsty.
You should message me if
~you are able and willing to listen to me talk about animals forever.
~you still love
~you're down with a date that consists of cuddling, pizza, conversation, and silly youtube videos.

helpful side note!
you may have figured out from looking at various bits of my profile that i am a feminist.
i do not hate men. i do hate it when people make ignorant assumptions about feminism.
please educate yourself!

if you are still unsure as to whether or not you want to message me, perhaps a user testimonial will help sway you:
"fuck you broke crack head bitch"
-a real okcupid user, not a paid actor. if that doesn't do it, i don't know what will.

you are now approaching the end of my okcupid profile. mind the gap (not a reference to the chive. stop messaging me with references to the chive. i do not read the chive).