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ephardtthatcher

36 M Bethesda, MD

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 6:20pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Full figured
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Other, but not too serious about it
Sign
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Dropped out of space camp
Job
Other
Income
$50,000–$60,000
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I identify strongly with hedgehogs, porcupines, Toby Ziegler, and other things with spiny exteriors and soft underbellies. I am probably shorter than you.

I know a little about a lot of things and a lot about a few things. I play a lot of video games and analog games and I read a lot of science fiction, fantasy, and comics without being a self-identified gamer or a fan or follower of anything. My range of interests is broad, varied, and enthusiastic, but none of my interests are the lynchpin of my identity -- that is, I'm not operating under the impression that geek is an ethnicity.

I know what I am and I own it, though I don't necessarily have a label for it. I just try to be exactly like myself, all the time. I think you'd like me if you met me. I'm pretty amazing.

for your stalking convenience, here's my about.me page, which has links to Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, last.fm, Goodreads, and other things that provide specific examples of the generalities provided here.

I am: a thing of beauty, inspiring to behold, and a joy forever

nb: due to working over three years of swing shifts, I have extended answers to a lot of questions. you should read those.

nb: I'm using the OkChoices Greasemonkey extension, which tweaks the identifiers in your profile header for other users of this script without affecting search results. this is great for people who identify as something not on the standard male/female straight/gay/bisexual axes. this paragraph probably tells you a lot about me on a couple different levels.
What I’m doing with my life
trying to make it look more like I want it to. to this end, the next year or so is dedicated to paying off my accumulated debt and getting my money straight, writing more frequently, doing comedy open mikes regularly, and transitioning into a writing- and performance-oriented career. I'm not under any delusion that this is going to be easy, but it's the kind of difficulty I'm looking forward to surmounting.

(I am not doing so great at this.)

I'm seeing annaroosje, who's hidden her profile because men are awful. she's great. she's beyond great, really, but you probably don't want to read me gushing about my amazing girlfriend on a dating profile. we're  polyamorous and open, and we date as individuals, not as a couple. to wit: I am not looking for a primary, a unicorn, or a primary unicorn, because I've already got a primary unicorn though I don't hardly believe in this primary/secondary hierarchy-of-lovers thing. but I'm open to possibilities.

(I am doing really great at this.)
I’m really good at
board games; baking; bruises; brussels sprouts; bitemarks; bread. also bullshitting.
The first things people usually notice about me
I look like someone else they know, but prettier, as if I am the fat, shaven-headed computer nerd of whom all other fat, bald computer nerds are but wraithly shadows, flickering on the cave wall. I have pretty eyes and a prettier mouth and a copious and capacious belly.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
a non-exhaustive list of keywords:

Cheradenine Zakalwe; Miles Vorkosigan; Vlad Taltos; Sparrowhawk; Eisenhorn; Ravenor; Ciaphas Cain; Morlock Ambrosius; Clan Korval; Locke Lamora; Haviland Tuf;

Maggie & Hopey; Palomar; Annie & Nibbil; Peter Parker; Miles Morales; Virgil Hawkins; Miyamoto Usagi; Spider Jerusalem; Carol Danvers; Clint Barton; Ray Smuckles & Roast Beef; Mr. Spook, Beanish, & Dreamishness; Kamala Khan; Robbie Reyes;

Lane Meyer; Drummer Girl; Jack Burton; Buckaroo Banzai; William Lee; Rancho Carne High;

Frank Pembleton; the Doctor; The Tick & Arthur; the Bartlett administration; Bernard Black; Dean Craig Pelton; the Bluth family; the Belcher family; Dipper & Mabel; Finn & Jake; Fionna & Cake; Bret & Jemaine; Howard Moon & Vince Noir; Ichabod Crane & Abbie Mills;

Borderlands; Civ; Chrono Trigger; Dragon Quest; Zelda; XCOM; Sid Meier's Pirates; King of Dragon Pass; FTL; Wasteland; Fallout; UnReal World; Don't Starve;

Mogwai; Lush; Joy Division; Talulah Gosh; My Bloody Valentine; Sleater-Kinney; Tom Waits; Nick Cave; the Mountain Goats; Belle & Sebastian; Njiqahdda;

carnivore; vegephile; sweet-toothed; less dairy more spices due to GERD; mostly various Middle Eastern and Asian cuisines
The six things I could never do without
inspirational crushes; root access; Chrono Trigger; hydration; writing materials; naps; kindness; apparently a humidifier; vegetables.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
inspirational crushes; putting words on paper or screen or in your head; mathematical simulations of stylized reality; what to do next; being a better friend; being a better ally; going on a used book store run; human behavior; the scope of history; getting out of bed; the girls with the butts; cartoons; porn; cartoon porn; whether or not we will eventually reach the stars as a species; what the hell am I doing here; getting better at what I do; doing something else entirely; saying "yes" more often; ditching it all and living out of a van as an itinerant stand-up comedian, storyteller, games moderator, and preacher; delicious, and preferably cheap, food.
On a typical Friday night I am
at work. on my weekends, I read, cook, book hunt, play video games, try new restaurants or enjoy old favorites, and/or spend time with my sweetie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
on this, our zeroth date, allow me to put all my cards on the table: I'm fat, I'm poly, I'm kinky, I'm not conventionally attractive, I identify as  Butch more often than male but probably qualify more as agender. I'm a mostly-recovered goth. I own a lot of books that contain spaceships, dragons, and/or elves, some of which require dice to fully enjoy. I was pagan in a past life (my teenage years, not an actual past life), am a Bad Jew, and still have some spiritual leanings I keep mostly to myself, long story short I like psychedelics. I like women who eat enthusiastically and omnivorously. I have some anxiety shit, social and otherwise, going on. all of these things sound terrible on paper, so let me reassure you, I'm plenty creepy but also plenty respectful and a whole lot of fun to be around. I'm not on the autistic spectrum, self-diagnosed or otherwise (not that there's anything wrong with that), I try to keep my privilege in check, you'll never catch me in a utilikilt that isn't floor-length and sequined, and I don't even OWN a fedora.

I am possessed of a vast panoply of hilarious and entertaining flaws. I am difficult, and I am reticent. I have to be asked, and I have to want to answer. I am not the 101 course. I'm emotionally guarded (though obviously not terribly private), cranky, opinionated, and a homebody. and not to be overly self-deprecating, but I get that, on the poly-and-or-kink spectra, if the hot bi girl who will have sex with both you and your boyfriend/husband is the unicorn, then I am the bridge troll. all goats, beware.

I generally don't trust men. I don't make male friends easily and I treasure the ones I have. sometimes to a tragic extent.

oh yeah: I'm also bad with money, but working on getting better at it. you can buy me dinner, but trust that I'll never ask you for money, or accept it if offered.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
more than half of the text above this box appeals to you. or if it doesn't, you know someone to whom it might, and you want to set them up. you dig board games where sheep and wheat are represented by cards or wooden cubes and want to play, online or in person. you want to talk poly. you're kind, except when you are a huge jerk. you are exactly like yourself, all the time, or at least most of it. you know who you are, or you're at least figuring it out, and you own it.