To keep it short and sweet, I am...
A complete nerd: I'm analytical, annoyingly organized, super calm, in love with computers, and full of completely useless information. I get called Mr. Robot on a daily basis and consider it a compliment. You don't have to be into geeks to like me, either. I'll figure out what you like and serve you an encyclopedia of completely useless knowledge in that category. I'm like Google meets Amazon, but without all the money.
An asshole: I'm Philadelphian born and raised, so I will absolutely shit on all the stupid things you say, do, or think. My blunt honesty will occasionally hurt your feelings, but other times it will be the best laugh you've had in a while. I'm equal opportunity, so you'll get plenty of chances to laugh at others' expense, too, including my own.
Anyway, I'm here because although most of the people I know have a beard, I would prefer some that don't. There's nothing like shooting the shit with your buddies, but I need a dose of estrogen in my life or I'm going to start thinking Fast and Furious is quality cinema.