Billy Mays here with another fantastic product!
Have you been looking for the most awesome person to ever exist? Well look no further average consumer, for I'm bringing you the new and improved Erik!
"My friends never do anything fun!" Good news wary traveler, Erik is always down to do fun and exciting things. Want to randomly go to six flags tomorrow? Perfect, Erik comes equipped with a season pass. Shit, that laser tag tournament starts in an hour? Better whip out that portal gun to get us across town, we've got some 7th grader ass to whoop.
"My boyfriend is too short!" Shit son, the Irish god of luck Bono is really laying it on thick for you today. Erik comes out of the box at a height of 6'5", and [clearly coincidentally] makes for a fantastic big spoon when a cuddling is on the roster.
Are your current friend(s) or significant other(s) boring you with terrible tastes in TV shows and movies, or just not supporting your addiction to both? Good thing Erik is a terrible influence and is into a bunch of fantastic tv shows and loves going to the movies(see below specifications for more info).
All this salesman up selling aside, if you get an Erik today, a guarantee will be made. A guarantee of genuinely fun times, ridiculous hijinks, and severely cheesy comedy, no matter what relationship level you choose. I mean come on, this long ass intro should be proof enough!