NOTE: I AM NOT SEEKING ANYONE. I HAVE USED MY PROFILE FOR FUN, TO
ACCESS THE TESTS, ANSWER PERSONALITY QUESTIONS, AND PRACTICE BOTH
SERIOUS AND HUMOROUS WRITING. (MUCH OF WHAT I'VE WRITTEN HAS BEEN
FOR HUMOR'S SAKE, BUT I ALSO COULDN'T HELP BEING SERIOUS AT TIMES
WITH SOME OF THE PERSONALITY QUESTIONS.) PLEASE ENJOY, AND I'D LOVE
ANY FEEDBACK. GOOD LUCK TO ALL!
First, please be aware that my "handle" is meant to be
provocatively fun, and not the over-confident false promise of a
carnival barker. Still, I AM a stud of mammoth proportions,
uh...but not literally, just in effort and willingness to please.
Oh, and not really a "stud" either, in the purest sense of being a
procreating machine. I have not, as yet, spawned, though others do
make a sport of that also. Besides, spawning never did much for the
ambitious salmon, who always dies soon after. Not me. Better to
live to spawn another day.
Perhaps I've over explained here. Oh well, I've looked for
something like love, but I've run out of space and time, as a
physicist once might've said.
What I’m doing with my life
Looking for love, truth, and understanding, in a cruelly
indifferent universe. You know-- fun stuff!
I’m really good at
Sounding reasonable when I'm occasionally irrationally upset, and
seeming overly passionate when I have a very logical point to make.
Ah, paradox. (Then again, sometimes I'm just harmlessly irrational
while venting, without there being any sensible point to make. I
reserve the right to have nonsensical release!) I'm also
Also, I'm pretty good at piercing through pretensions, even my own,
occasional ones. This is usually most enjoyable when done
good-naturedly (which it is most of the time, anyway) around a
receptive friend or two, to share the amusement and bemusement.
(Like watching the supposedly fastidiously authentic Mad Men for
anachronistic speech. This is ridiculously easy, it turns out.
Examples: 1) Last year a character described another one's rather
unrevealing suicide note as being "boiler plate", a term that I
doubt even the typical user [i.e., political commentator] wouldn't
have used before the '90s; and, 2) Recently a character spoke of
someone with a loaded schedule as having a "full plate", an
expression that even in the '80s would've gotten the speaker a
blank look [which it still should, I think]. Hilarious! It's the
late 20th century the producers are depicting, not 16th century
England. Translations into more current idiomatic developments are
unnecessary. So, let them use the dated expressions of the day
["groovy", for example, for some characters], and leave the current
abominations in the present.:-) Sorry, Matthew Weiner. :-) )
The first things people usually notice about me
My inconspicuousness. ("Was somebody just here?" They're probably
talking about me.) Really, I do tend to go unnoticed when alone, as
I've learned too well how to move quietly around. But when I am
noticed, people seem to think that I'm fairly good-looking, as
bipeds go. Okay, they actually notice that I'm two-legged first,
then might notice my boyishly middle-aged appeal. Then again, that
standing upright thing IS pretty impressive.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Trying to reacquaint and just plain acquaint myself with great
fiction by Orwell, Melville, and Sarah Palin, for example, but tend
to read more nonfiction. Since I read with a stuttering inner
voice, I tend to enjoy fiction in movies, TV, and theatre more, but
I love great words beautifully put together, and the written and
the performed versions of those words both have their advantages.
So, I also like movies, some TV and some sports. My musical tastes
are eclectic, meaning I have no well-defined standards across the
spectrum, though I do tend to retch when Country Music comes
a-callin', yet I respect its authentic artists.
Oh, and I really love pizza. What a gourmet!
The six things I could never do without
1) My dominant hand. 2) YOUR dominant hand, if I'm lucky. 3) My
memory of the one time I heard Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey"
as he performed it in (the original?) German. 4) Can I say "your
hand" again? 5) Freedom from ever having to make a list of
preferences again. 6) The fact that under "My Details" here it
tells me that I'm online now. (Thanks, okcupid!)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Humor; the meaning of life; politics; sex; and how finding the
humorous absurdity in sex, politics, and religion is meaningful to
In that vein: I wonder why people don't give up Christianity for
Also: Would the Dalai Lama ever assist Richard Gere if there were a
"Free Upstate New York" movement? (I doubt it. It amuses me when I
imagine that the Dalai Lama secretly doesn't care much for Mr.
Gere, and for no good reason: just simple, inexplicable dislike!)
And does he get irritated when people call him the Dolly Lama?
On a typical Friday night I am
At home, sometimes remembering past misspent nights at bars. I'm
happy to say that it was never my aspiration to be the world's most
successful lounge lizard. Good thing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I once had an erotic dream involving Cloris Leachman. It was both
disturbing, unexpected, and surprisingly satisfying. And it was
only once! (Hey, I'm not responsible for the involuntary thoughts
of my unconscious, am I?!)
You should message me if
Actually, not seeking anyone. The preceding and what follows were
simply attempts to exercise writing and humor muscles, while also
taking advantage of the personality questions and tests, all in
fun. PLEASE PROCEED ACCORDINGLY, AND I HOPE I MADE YOU LAUGH, AT
LEAST. GOOD LUCK!
VERY IMPORTANT: Don't be too attached to my answers to the often
maddening questions here. Rather, consider the humor with which
many are answered, as well the sometimes lengthy explanations I
added: they're essential for a proper sense of things. (To put
things in perspective, there were very few questions to which I
attached an "I will accept only this answer"
limitation. The details you add are what matter and clarify
You have a sense of humor and low expectations. (I mean that in the
best possible way. High hopes are good, though.) It also helps if
you're intelligent, you think for yourself, and have a beautiful
smile, especially while naked.:-)
Please, no cancer tans, or excessive tattoos (i.e., like a
sailor's, or like ones on those still sleeping through their heavy