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23 Oakland, CA Woman, Cis Woman

Woman, Cis Woman

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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 5:18am
Pansexual, Bisexual, Queer
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Graduated from university
Open relationship
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.

I'll start with a few descriptive keywords. Keywords are alluring, right?: Novelty-seeking, analytical, ethically non-monogamous (and partnered!), (intersectionally) feminist, nerdy, kinky, queer and ambitious. I think I hit most of the "controversial" aspects of my personality? Just wanted to get that out of the way. Now to get a bit more in-depth.

I consider myself an ambitious person and am pursuing a career in the social sciences (leaning towards health policy research lately). I I love my field, I'm a huge nerd, and I plan to apply to Ph.D programs in a couple of years. I am the kind of person who keeps an eye on the lecture series calendars of nearby universities and uses phrases like "lifelong learning".

I believe feelings are inherently valid (although one's reactions to feelings don't get the same unconditional acceptance!). Many people get so focused to trying to make "logical" decisions that they discount their own feelings and those of others. Self care is so important, introspection is so important, good communication is so important. I actively work on getting rid of the irrational shame I got saddled with growing up in this society, and by now I mostly succeed at feeling good about myself and my body. I know this can be difficult as hell though, and I do what I can to support my friends and loved one in trying to like themselves better. I want to invent a subculture that is, like, "kindcore". "Hey girl, did you also text that selfie to NASA? No? You should. BECAUSE YOU'RE A STAR."

I think a lot about ethics and the most helpful, intelligent ways to act compassionately. My ethics tend more towards moral relativism and utilitarianism. For a sampler of my pet issues: making high-quality mental health care accessible to everyone, making sexual/reproductive knowledge and care accessible to everyone, making sure people can access information/knowledge more generally, and preserving people's rights surrounding bodily autonomy. Not saying these are the best or most important issues, but my background has made me especially attuned to these ones.

I am a kind of weird lady. I get excited about stuff like holding those big shiny millipedes at the museum of entomology and foraging for food in public parks and immersive art installations. I have a sense of humor that is really absurd, sometimes highbrow, and alternates between being deadpan and laid on clownishly thick. I think spiders and ghosts are comedy gold. I know sometimes I get intimidated by profiles where people namedrop all their favorite social movements and intellectual hobbies or whatever and I hope you won't think I am the most serious person because I'm hecka silly and not actually scary.

The kink stuff is left deliberately amorphous on my profile but people who might be writing me should know it's a thing. I do local-scene stuff sometimes but I tend to be critical of the way the "scene" and the activities endorsed by it sometimes recreate existing power imbalances (imbalances that are non-consensual and are very widespread).

I'm totes in an open/poly relationship right now; my main squeeze is on here as Patrizio- and we're pretty gosh-darned into each other. I have a couple other relationships with romantic or sexual elements but they have lasted less long and have a lower levels of commitment. Open to meeting kinksters/cuddlers/conversationalists that fill niches in my life that are currently unoccupied.

Note: pansexual, not bisexual. If you don't get why this matters, this note is not for you.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.

Authors: Neil Gaiman, Ray Bradbury sometimes, Kurt Vonnegut, Malcolm Gladwell like everyone else, Barbara Kingsolver, Terry Pratchett, Jane Austen, Augusten Burroughs, Oliver Sacks, Temple Grandin

Graphic Novels: Skim, Wet Moon, Princess Ugg, a bunch of very expensive books I couldn't afford to buy so I can't jog my memory by looking at my bookshelf

Movies/Shows: Orange is the New Black, The Twilight Zone, Call the Midwife, Archer, Doctor Who (no internal consistency but it hits my feeling buttons right), stuff by Wes Anderson, anything by Pixar (none of that Cars 2 bullshit), Mad Men, Pulp Fiction, Harold and Maude, Lars and the Real Girl

Music: The Mountain Goats, Regina Spektor, Sea of Bees, Lorde, Zoe Boekbinder, Amanda Palmer sometimes i guess i mean she's alright, Beirut, Conor Oberst, Cake, The Civil Wars, Coeur de pirate, Devotchka, Death Cab for Cutie, Tegan and Sara, other stuff that is more up to date that I don't feel like pulling up

BLOGS AND WEBCOMICS AND PODCASTS (best list): xkcd, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, Hark! A Vagrant, Hyperbole and a Half, The Pervocracy, Captain Awkward, this one tumblr blog where they just post cute bat gifs MAN bats are cute, This American Life, RISK, Radiolab, Savage Lovecast (with occasional side-eye to Dan Savage but also an implicit understanding that he is of a very different generation and ultimately probably a force for good overall and we should not forsake the good in pursuit of the perfect), Welcome to Nightvale, Strangers, 99% Invisible
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
• Those people you meet and immediately have an easy and comfortable conversational rapport with.
• My cat JESUS CHRIST have you SEEN this CAT he is THE BEST SHIT OH MAN WOW.
• ???
• The knowledge that I cannot imagine now the technologies that I will be using at 45. Awareness of ongoing progress.
• ?????
• Hitachi Magic Wand
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Some kind of perfect order. Perfect morality, perfection in numbers, something totally true and woven into the very fabric of the universe. Not that I believe that exists at all but it is a fun thought experiment and/or a way to distract myself from existential horror.

Miracles in the everyday: water and movement in three-dimensional-space and life and showers and more. I have a lot of moments of sudden and brilliant appreciation and wonder.

4real, why are there no mongolian bbq restaurants in SF or the East Bay?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
• Forgetting it is Friday, laying around with my cat and reading The Internet.


• Out at a comedy show (Air Sex Championships!), a storytelling event (Mortified!), a lecture (say what about the ethical ramifications of advanced AI?????), or maybe seeing a band.


• Hosting a board games and beer night (if you haven't discovered modern adult-appropriate board games you are missing out!)


• Paying a ridiculous entrance fee in order to get publicly flogged over a soundtrack of early 90's industrial music.


• Unpacking more still more boxes from my recent move while listening to the latest Radiolab, Welcome to Nightvale, or RISK podcast.


• Something or other, I dunno.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'd describe myself as a manic-pixie-dream-tarantula. I'm quirky, I'm adventurous, and I flick urticating hairs off of my abdomen when I'm anxious.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like the rest of my profile and you're either interested in non-monogamy or friendship.

I want to describe the kind of person I am most often attracted to but that's pretty hard. Often but not always people who identify as queer. Assigned-male-at-birth folks who present somewhat feminine-of-center. Assigned-female-at-birth folks who fight hard to overcome the idea that they are *obligated* to perform femininity in socially prescribed ways. People who have well thought out opinions (or questions!) about terms like assigned-male-at-birth and ideas like performative femininity.

You are okay meeting up as sooner rather than later. I honestly lose interest with online messaging pretty quickly and I'm not much of a texter, so if we hit it off via messaging let's go grab coffee!

Also: I may not write back if I'm not interested. Or hella busy. Please don't be insulted, I'm just absurdly picky and I never mastered the art of polite rejection notes.