I know what you're thinking- audition now, love yourself for who you are now, there are roles for mediocre fat people as well. And I know all of that is true, but I was learning the arts for a decade and when I finally had a stocked tool belt and tool chest full of all the essentials, just right, after college- I felt like I could get into anything. But my overweight body held me back, limiting me to the short, fat, funny side kick time and time again. I saw a future in which I was playing Marcellous Washburn at ACT dancing the shapoopi till I'm too old to point my toe. And that's a life. But it wasn't mine.
So a took a break. At the time it sounded like a good idea, stop rushing through life always in a play, no time to be a kid and enjoy frat parties and long weekends. So I did. I planned on six months. It turned into six years. I got so lost on my detour that the only thing that could shake me out of it was an emotional email from my mother begging me not to waste my gifts and hide my beautiful talent from the world. So I did one play that was one of the most terrible experiences in my life. Put me off from theatre for another 2 years. But then something crazy happened.
A friend of mine got me an audition for a first national tour for a rinky dink little show and I booked it. Before I knew it I was moving to San Jose for rehearsals and then driving and flying all over the Western United States performing professionally. It was small time, for sure, but I was being paid to do it. All I could think was- I never want to go back.
But I did, the tour ended, I went home, and for a while I wasn't sure what my next move was. I had made some new friends singing at a piano bar once a week. They were auditioning for a local dinner theatre production of rocky horror and I felt like this was it. The opportunity to push myself outside of my comfort zone and reach for another low-hanging star.
So I did it. Since I had missed the audition I got permission from the director to audition at the call backs. I dressed up all in lingerie, and I made quite a statement. Sadly, Dr. Frank N Furter had already been cast, but I did get cast as Rocky. And that felt crazy since I'd always felt like I held myself back with fat- I couldn't believe that someone saw me as hot enough to be rocky. So I signed up with a personal trainer at the gym, really dedicated myself to my diet, and got in the best shape of my life. I felt fantastic. On fire. Like I had finally shed the fat suit and let out the real me. So there I was, getting paid (barely) to learn choreography and belt out show stopping numbers and tell a willing audience a story- and looking gorgeous! I rode that high for a few months, all of a sudden I was getting cast, boys were giving me their numbers, couples were asking me to stay for threesomes- it was a whole other world from what I had known as a fatty. I played two of my dream roles, Jeffrey in Jeffrey and Jamie in the Last 5 Years. I did concerts and cabarets that I wanted to do. I dated a tall, sexy, masculine ex-marine. I felt great. But then a close friend of mine reminded me that I was only trying to become a big fish in a small pond. So I sold all my possessions and moved to Manhattan.
Unfortunately the move stunted my theatrical growth instead of repotting it. And I quit smoking and gained all the weight back. But I have not given up. As I was warned when I was moving here, there are villains here that want to crush a spirit as bright as mine. But I won't let them. I'm gonna let my light shine till it shines like the top of the Chrystler Building! Look out NYC, I'm comin for ya.
I'm open to suggestions, I would say half of what I read are books that people place into my hands. The others are just sheer, nerdy fantasy. What can I say, I like to escape. I read a lot as a kid and then lost my love affair with books in high school where they force you to read books you don't like. I recently rekindled my love for reading 3 years ago when I realized it makes a subway trip fly by. I read the whole Twighlight Saga, judge away, The House of Night Series, the Mortal Instruments Series, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Chronicles of Prydian, and I've just started The Hunger Games. I basically have the literary interests of a 13 girl.
Snow White and the Huntsman, Black Swan, The Great Chipmunk Adventure, The Last Unicorn, Flight of Dragons, Light Years, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Legend, Brazil, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The Princess Bride, Teen Witch, Worst Witch, The Cell, Dancer in the Dark, Donnie Darko, Heavy Metal, Star Wars, The Ewok Adventure, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor, Indiana Jones, The Goonies, The Lost Boys, The Wizard, My Stepmother's an Alien, Howard the Duck, Clue, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Dirty Dancing, Overboard, Adventures in Babysitting, Working Girl, Death Becomes Her, Showgirls, Contact, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castel, Go, Stonewall, Shortbus, Reality Bites, Fried Green Tomatoes, Boys on the Side, Steel Magnolias, Thelma and Louise, Hair, Cabaret, Funny Girl, On a Clear Day You Can See Forever, What's Up, Doc, The Owl and The Pussycat, Romy and Michelle's Highschool Reunion, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Clueless, Cruel Intentions, Legally Blonde, Troop Beverly Hills, Kill Bill, Kill Bill 2, Superman movies, Batman movies, X-Men movies, The Avengers, Thor, Watchmen, All About Eve, The Women (orig), Mildred Pierce (orig), and many, many more.
Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Star Crossed, Tomorrow People, Believe, Merlin, Grimm, Once..., Adventure Time, Weeds, True Blood, The Tudors, The Big C, Nurse Jackie, Dexter, Homeland, Parenthood, Modern Family, The Middle, So You Think You Can Dance, America's Best Dance Crew, RuPaul's Drag Race, Untucked, Drag U, 1 Girl 5 Gays, Pushing Daisies, Once Upon a Time, Fringe, 2 Broke Girls, New Girl, Whitney, Family Guy, The Cleaveland Show, American Dad, The Simpsons, 30 Rock, Portlandia, SNL, Misfits, Teen Wolf, The Vampire Diaries, The Secret Circle, Friends, Will and Grace, Sex and the City, The Golden Girls, Designing Women, The Facts of Life, Quantum Leap, Heroes, The Legend of the Seeker, Supernatural, Buffy, Charmed, Grey's Anatomy, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Queer as Folk, Looking and many, many more.
Scissor Sisters, Tegan and Sara, Paramore, Britney Spears, MGMT, Mates of State, Queens of the Stoneage, Interpol, Muse, The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, The Ting Tings, Radiohead, Björk, Tori Amos, Ani Difranco, Portishead, Fiona Apple, Carlie Simon, Mazzie Star, Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson, Imogen Heap, Adele, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Queen, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Pat Benatar, Heart, Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Gwen Stafani, No Doubt, Joss Stone, Alicia Keys, Gossip, Madonna, Rihanna, Indigo Girls, Melissa Ethridge, The Eurythmics, Janis Joplin, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Fleetwood Mac, David Bowie, Elton John, Billy Joel, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Prince, Rufus Wainwright, Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli, Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Cher, Shirley Bassey, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holiday, Frou Frou, Ace of Base, Erasure, Audioslave, Pearl Jam, Collective Soul, Stone Temple Pilots, Blues Traveler, Foo Fighters, Aerosmith, Fallout Boy, Jimmy Eat World, Florence and the Machine, Veruca Salt, RuPaul, The Chemical Brothers, Crystal Method, Daft Punk, Tiësto, En Vogue, Whitney Houston, TLC, Salt N Peppa, Janet Jackson, Foreigner, Journey (pre-Glee/Rock of Ages), Danica Dora, Astoria Blvd, The Yes Team, Alchemy