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29 M Melbourne, Australia

My Details

Last Online
Jul 20
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Trying to quit
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Gemini, and it’s fun to think about
Art / Music / Writing
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Dutch (Poorly), German (Poorly), Indonesian (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Hi There.

I'm Simon, and I am a certified asshole.

By that, I mean that I am unafraid to speak my mind, loudly and obnoxiously, if needs must. I am opinionated, arrogant and somewhat cruel in my affections.

Let me start again.
Hi There; I'm Simon.
I am shallow, fickle and flirtatious, which leads me into all sorts of trouble, as you might imagine.

I frequently claim that I have no redeeming features. I am also assured by those that know me that this is a lie.

No, no. Still no good.

One last time.

Hi there, I be awesome.

My sister is awesome, my father is awesome, and my grandfather before us was awesome.

I truly come from a long line of awesome

I am like a god to you.

I am a musician (mainly I am a guitarist, but I play violin, viola, french horn, and piano.). I am a poet. I am reasonably good at both. I have been an actor, a waiter, an IT consultant, a bartender, a stage manager, a director and a writer.

I haggle with supermarket cashiers for fun. I dance until I can no longer walk. I work hard, and play harder. I flirt with any and everyone who catches my eye. I do not hesitate to say what I think, and I am too damn honest for my own good.

I am both incredibly self-concious, and overbearingly egotistical, frequently at the same time.

If offered Achilles' choice of glory or long life, I will always choose glory.

I will not be content.

You should love me.

I am entertaining, sardonic, and flirtatious
What I’m doing with my life
Currently, I'm playing guitar in a duet/trio called Textbook Heartbreak. We're doing the odd gig here and there. We are not hipsters, nor are we emo. We just claim we're ironic. And it's possible that we are.

I work too freaking much, this is an unfortunate side effect of having to pay bills. I do not like paying bills.

Mostly, it's music. Music is my biggest passion. I'm independently studying all forms of it and thus am probably a ridiculous nerd, because I'm reading textbooks for "fun", and by fun, I don't actually mean fun. Fun is something you have when you're not studying for your future job.

Updating this ridiculous profile is somewhat fun, because I find myself highly entertaining. Even if what I write in these things is ridiculous crap. You have to be able to laugh at yourself.

I'm occasionally freelancing as a producer's assistant/dogsbody for various theatre gigs, as well as planning out a show for Melbourne Fringe, with the idea that I'll take it to Adelaide if it goes well.

I'm writing a comic. I've been doing this for 4 years. I need to find a better system than "mad flurry of inspiration" followed by ignoring it for 6 months, followed by "rewrite EVERYTHING. CLEAN ALL THE THINGS"

I am not a tortured artist, but I probably should be. It'd result in a better quality of work.

So my big aim is to make money through music. Don't care if its as a performer, or a songwriter, or as a session musician. Actually, session musician would be awesome. That's where real money is made.
I’m really good at
Damn near everything I do.

Being highly egotistical.



Causing trouble.
The first things people usually notice about me
My smile. My eyes. The fact that I am an egotistical, insufferable prat.

I also have a nice ass.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
B. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the Third Man
C. Everything and anything, except country.
D. Vietnamese.
The six things I could never do without
My guitars, my music, my books, my friends, my computer, and my piano
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Love, philosophy, faith, other people's problems
On a typical Friday night I am
Playing guitar, drinking, finding some way to entertain myself
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–39
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
I've managed to entertain you. Or if you're bored. Or if you want to.

And if you're okay with getting involved with someone in an open relationship.