you want my self-summary? can you handle it? my self-summary? shit, my self-summary is down for whatever.

it's down for taking off without notice, maybe going to burning man. it's down for some fresh fruit from the farmer's market, it's down for putting on a bunch of root beer flavored lip smacker brand lip balm and making out with you in the back of a movie theatre. it's down for an anti-war rally, it's down for an anti-peace rally. it could go either way, you don't need to make a strong argument, just tell it a pretty girl will be there.

my self-summary is down for taking care of your baby for an evening so you two can have a night to yourselves. my self-summary is down for dabbling in hallucinogenics and just looking at the night sky. it's down for laying its scene at universal city walk, making fun of tourists, yogurt stands, and the valley before going to the hot topic and contemplating buying a ghostbusters t shirt.

my self-summary is so open-minded it'd make you shit. my self-summary is a big brother and works for several non-profits. my self-summary gives back to the community. my self-summary got drunk one night and punched a biker's girlfriend before getting its ass kicked. my self-summary isn't proud of its relationship with its uncle, who all but raised my self-summary alone. my self-summary could beat up your self-summary. my self-summary smells like bubble bath on weekends. my self-summary makes a mean seven layer dip and will bring it to your next party. my self-summary wishes it could make a living debunking things like houdini did.

my self-summary was a wake and bake kind of guy until, one morning, it looked in the mirror and didn't like what it saw. my self-summary's been working out. my self-summary is thinking about you right now. my self-summary's been thinking about you a lot lately. my self-summary has been trying to find the right words to express how it feels. my self-summary has been rolling ideas around its brain like i ching. my self-summary thinks it's finally time. here goes. my self-summary is down to tell you...it loves you.

i am a showman.

modesty. i'm the fucking best at it.

what don't they notice? people are totally perceptive-ass.

a) carter beats the devil, stark's parker books, chabon's the best, lethem, eggers and his literatti posse, jerry stahl, mark leyner. moon palace and the non-metaphysical detective auster, travels with charley. viva chandler. thompson, hornby, irving. who do you like? i'll read 'em. i'm a bit of a book nerd. don't get me wrong. i like sedaris all right, but he doesn't make the list. he is to my generation what harry potter is to the kids. i like that they get us reading, but there's more out there. that said, his story about the anne frank house is worth all the hype.

b) top 5, no order: ghostbusters, brick, godfather, jaws, crimes & misdemeanors, dr. strangelove, bridge on the river kwai, real life, kicking & screaming (baumbach, not ferrell), fight club, niagara niagara, broadcast news, singing in the rain, once upon a time in the west. trainspotting, charade, hudsucker proxy, iron giant, stuff w/zombies, jurassic park. and if deadwood, skins, mad men or spaced were a movie, i'd add them to the list.

c) bowie, beulah, bubblegum pop, ben folds, bishop allen, billy bragg + wilco (but not wilco without billy bragg), tom waits, ozomatli, eels, the kinks, dan bern, mike doughty (with and without soul coughing), glam, the pixies, and chin music.

d) sushi. coffee. i know. coffee is a drink, not a food. but it speaks well for my relationship with coffee that i recognize the distinction and include it anyway. i am also quite fond of whiskey and scotch. that sounds like part of a poem. for the record, cilantro can go to hell.

would only be embarrassed by my mentioning them by name. they know what they are.

you, but i'd never admit it. not in a million years. unless you just stopped beating around the bush and asked me.

taller than you.

the last four digits of my social security number are 0174.

are you looking for an excuse to or not to?