I have a disgustingly long profile on another account, and though I wanted to start fresh, I just couldn't bear to delete my old profile forever. So here I am.

I graduated sine laude from Fresno State years ago with my B.A. in journalism.

In general, my overdeveloped sense of humor is generally off-kilter. Typical one-liner: "I love The First Noel. I can't wait for the sequel." I probably overdosed on Tom Lehrer and books in my youth to develop much socially, but c'est la vie.

I'm pretty goofy quite a lot of the time, but in writing this profile I've instead decided to concentrate on showing a side of me that I'd like to promote more and more.

When I talk, I tend to reflect the attitudes of people around me, but I'm hardly a puppet to the path of least resistance. If I know you and I disagree, I could argue you to your bridge and feel no remorse in burning it. If I don't know you --- or if I'm smitten --- I'll bite my tounge.

I don't suffer fools, though I know I sure seem like one more often than not.

I'm the type of person who, on principle, doesn't own a TV. I am also the type of person who, on principle, has every intent to eventually pick up the first nine seasons of The Simpsons on DVD.

I'm laid-back and almost libertarian with my friends --- don't hurt anyone else, and you're fine in my book. I tend to be a hell of lot more choosy with girlfriends. There's a good reason: With every girlfriend, I figure there's the chance I'll have to live with her for the rest of my life, at least if I'm choosing 'em right. Practicality first.

I was a student teacher at a local high school through Fresno State, but I decided that it wasn't for me, at least for now. I just joined a local school photography studio, and I want to move up from that to something reputable.

I'd like to move up to Northern California if I find a job up there. I will never move to Los Angeles --- here in Fresno that means anything south of Bakersfield --- but I'm not so stubborn that I'll down a solid job offer to fulfill the demands of my prejudice. Chances are that I'll just grumble, get over it and end up enjoying myself.

I took a trip to New York City this last April to perform in Carnegie Hall with a school group, and it was one of those life-changing episodes from which I'll never recover.

I did open mic in Brooklyn, bought shoes in Queens, walked through the botanical gardens in The Bronx, lost my cell phone over the Staten Island Ferry and found Manhattan's Bleeker Street without knowing it was famous. I loved every moment.

Photography. That is, I'm told I'm really good at it, though the praise comes from people who probably don't know what they're talking about. I don't correct them in part because I like hearing it and in part because I don't want to seem ungrateful.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm not much better than an amateur, he noted, careful to seem genuinely modest while genuinely trying to become so.

Memorization. It doesn't matter if it's "My Humps" or Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I will memorize it; I will practice it. I will recite it, usually at the worst possible time.

I'm tall. I'm intimidating. I have a hyper-active and sometimes malfunctioning sense of humor. I don't really like to mingle all that much. I'm socially awkward. I'm really not that intimidating at all.

In that order.

I read histories, regular ol' comic books in trade paperback, proper graphic novels, classic fiction, science fiction and the occasional cheap thriller that looks like it wants to grow up someday.

I love anything apocalyptic, post-apocalyptic or dystopian. Off the top of my head, a partial list of books: A Canticle for Leibowitz; Cat's Cradle; On the Beach; Alas, Babylon; 1984; Brave New World; V for Vendetta; When the Sleeper Wakes; Oryx and Crake; The Handmaid's Tale; The Iron Heel; We. After refreshing my memory with a trip to Wikipedia, I'll add a few: Fahrenheit 451; Anthem; The Last Man; The Stand; Day of the Triffids; Earth Abides; When the Wind Blows.

Hell, I even liked the Kevin Costner version of The Postman, though it does go on my list of "movies that need a good parts version." Kudos if you know where I got that phrase.

If you like Bone, Watchmen or Sandman, consider it a plus. If you like Eragon, consider it a triple minus. Eragon reads like a 19-year-old Montana homeschooler wrote it.

I listen to all flavors of jazz and most flavors of classic rock, mostly, with hearty helpings of Dr. Demento and a cappella.

I'm dedicated to director Tim Burton and film studio Pixar. I see these movies in the theater, no questions asked. I also have a thing for midnight showings of second sequels --- more because it just happens to work out that way.

I like food, especially the non-Kosher sorts that mix wheat, meat and cheese. I add hot sauce to these foods indiscriminately.

If there's particular minutiae you're after, feel free to check out my other profile. If you'd rather not --- I know I wouldn't --- feel free to ask. Presented with politeness, I'm generally polite right back.

Editors

• fingersnaps

This question specifies things, not people or animals or deities or elements of the periodic table. I respond accordingly.

I could never live without my music, my cameras, my trombone, my steadily growing DVD collection, my more quickly growing library of books and the Internet.

Funny thing about that Internet is that it makes fulfillment of my materialistic want possible. Oh, and I dare you to notice that including "Internet" as the sixth item presupposes owning an Internet-worthy computer. Talk about a twofer.

Genesis, humanity, history, religion, politics, the future, Armageddon, and whatever it is that fills in between each of the them.

So elitist.

Hanging out online, watching a movie on my laptop or reading a book in bed. Sometimes, just to mix things up, I head off to the mondo-sized River Park shopping center to watch a movie at the Big Theater or read a book at one of the two Big Bookstores around there.

I don't get out much. If I'm a private person, that's the only reason of it. Unfortunately, the only private thing that comes to mind is personal enough that I know I'd get some pity sympathy. I'm not after pity sympathy.

I still haven't answered the question, so I'll leave it at this: My only do-or-die qualifications for a relationship are: I am interested in the significant other; she is somehow both smart and genuinely interested in me. I've been able to live without any of my other preferences, if with varying degrees of success, as long as she is genuinely smart and genuinely interested. Note that I've conveniently neglected to name any other preferences.

I hesitated about responding to this question because any of these answers might make me seem like I'm out to get some. Really: I'm not.

If, after all of this, you still don't believe me, I'm not sure I want to know you.

----

Apparently, I need to expand my essays by about 718 characters to reach that 100 percent. I'll tack something on in this section: I am endlessly frustrated with people who outright hate the Catholic Church or, by extension, Catholics. I have my own reasons, and I could argue either point out of the water. I'm sure they could, too.

Naturally, and unwisely, anti-Catholic sentiment has become a personal issue for me. That I'm Catholic caused the lion's share of what little heartbreak I've had, yet I stick stubbornly by my faith, regardless. I know what my priorities are; I know what I wish they were. The two versions don't reconcile and, unfortunately, it doesn't look like they will any time soon. If only I were a little less self-righteous ...

... but I think I'll stop there.

... you appreciate Supertramp, Stan Rogers, Alan Moore, Hayao Miyazaki or Frank Capra. If you don't have to ask Google who even one of these creative artists are, you're as good as gold, and the more of them you know, the better. Seriously.

... you don't mind that I'm Catholic and unwilling to renounce being one. I expect this to knock off the larger proportion of you, though I hope not.

... you're intelligent, not minding a healthy dose of weighty conversation interspersed with occasional absurdity.

... you're mobile and out of your parents' house. Nothing personal, but playing the chauffeur all the time rubs me the wrong way.

... you prefer bookshelves to beds.

... it should please you, even after reading the bulk of this profile.