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f3m4n0n

22 Columbus, OH Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 3:20pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 0″ (1.53m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Aries
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Poorly), Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm introverted, awkward, shy, socially anxious, introspective, cynical, weird, probably just a little bit autistic. I tend to communicate in mostly meows, emojis, old memes and song lyrics but every once in a while I'll surprise you with something really smart or insightful. giggly, gracious, and affable to people that can make me feel comfortable and coax me out of my shell. I like friends who are chaotic good or sometimes chaotic neutral and can make me laugh or think or both. bonus points if we have compatible tastes in food, music and shitty tv.

I like to:
Partake.
talk to my cat.
Watch the television.
Listen to music.
Talk about music.
Play some music (ukulele, piano, voice).
Sit, think. A lot.
Talk. A little.
Partake some more. All day err day pretty much.
Eat. A lot.
Chill. Yoga, meditate. Nap maybe? Easy-going, no games, no drama, no bullshit.

I appreciate honesty and candid conversations. I am damn near impossible to offend, and if you manage to offend me I'm more likely to be amused than upset about it.

I really dislike when people try to control or posess each other. This has been the main cause of failed relationships for me. I prefer relationships in which I do whatever I want, you do what you want, and if we want the same things, maybe we'll do them together. And if we find ourselves wanting and doing the same things on a somewhat regular basis and have a mutual appreciation for one another, we can call it a relationship or something. I do have a few ongoing relationships and I'm not looking for anything exclusive any time soon.
(I'm also not interested in "casual sex" as I get plenty of action from people I actually like but thank you for offering?)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
i waste away the days waiting on a new age.

Teaching myself piano.

Trying to score a better day job. Anyone?

Learning about the environment, urban runoff, sustainable agriculture blah blah blah. I want to be a small-time (pot) farmer. My dream job is a stay-at-home mom except instead of children we just have a bunch of plants and maybe some chickens. backup vocalist and baker also sound fun.

rather mediocre ukulele covers: http://youtu.be/1IUF32tU1m4

merrily merrily merrily merrily

life is but a dream.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-screwing up first impressions. I'm hella shy around groups of "new" people. It'll take a few hours or a few shots before my anxiety chills the fuck out. I'm much less nervous when talking to people one-on-one.

-providing a neutral viewpoint, justifying the actions of others and being tolerant of them even when I don't necessarily agree with them. Putting shit in perspective. Standing up for the underdog, sympathizing with the bad guy.

-making fun of my friends. making fun of myself.

-being honest, keeping it real. Also picking my battles, being tactful and polite around new friends.

-cooking, baking, etc. I do a lot of eating and bring my friends lots of surprise baked goods.

-joints.

-going with the flow. I am not a planner.

-being lazy

-turning guys into chubby chasers. I don't try to do this but it always seems to happen.

-dealing with gross shit. I like seeing people squirm.

-petting cats, being a cat bed, ignoring you while I chase your cat around while meowing and saying things like "awwww so cute!"

-giggling at most of what you say. This confuses some people. I smoke a lot.

-explaining science-y things. I've always had a knack for biology, ecology, geology, chemistry, physics, psychology.

-making people look like giants when they stand near me.

-being the "bong wench"

-playing songs by ear. playing pink floyd covers.

-making you lose the game
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"Appears to be a human female. Long curly hair, boobs. Quite stout, could be some sort of dwarf or halfling?
She's really quiet.. wait did she just meow?
5/10 would probably bang"

Seriously, I meow a lot and I'm pretty good at imitating other cats.
People, especially older people, like to tell me I have an old soul, so there's that.
When I'm around unfamiliar people I tend to speak only when spoken to.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Picture box: SVU, Pete and Pete, anything by Mike judge, Sex and the City, the office, golden girls, dirty jobs, chopped, sitcoms, cartoons, things that make me laugh. I'm not picky.

Sounds waves: pink floyd, black sabbath, Beatles, Zeppelin, smashing pumpkins, pixies, the animals, mamas and the papas, neutral milk hotel, liz phair, garbage, hole, cardigans, blink 182, green day, patsy cline, nancy sinatra, primus, soundgarden, horse the motherfucking band, Rothschildren (my boyfriend's band). These are just my particular fandoms, though. I like pretty much anything that's groovy and doesn't suck.

Nourishment: mostly cows, pigs, carbs and cheese. More specifically, pizza, burgers, steak, bacon, potatoes, and fried things. Mexican and Italian are probably my favorites because cheese.

Books: pretty strictly non-fiction. Psychology, philosophy, environment/gardening, business/econ, self-help, that sort of stuff.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A large water pipe.
Some sort of stringed instrument.
lucky pink floyd necklace.
Feline animal companion.
Now that fall is here: black tights, leggings and yoga pants.
My bed (/cocoon).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
food/trophic levels, food science, chord progressions, weed politics, the matrix, ETs, new world order, when the narwhal bacons, how strange it is to be anything at all, taoism, nihilism, humanism, ecology, why nothing matters, and all the things that I forgot to do. (and all the times I had the chance to).

I spend a lot of time talking about:
My cat, my friends' cats, tv, music, weed, highdeas, the illuminati or lack thereof, funny stories, food.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Ideally, on a date and getting a free dinner.

But more likely on a couch, maybe with a friend or three, inebriating myself in the most cost-efficient way possible.
Underemployment ftw.

also: breakin the law, breakin the laawwww
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sober people, loud people, extroverts and pretty girls all make me nervous. Eye contact makes me uncomfortable even years into a relationship but seeing each other naked on a second date sounds fine. I really want to join a nudist colony.

On that note, sometimes I get nervous about responding to messages. I write and rewrite my reply about a million times then say "fuck it, I'll do it later" and then just forget. Don't be afraid to message me a few times. If I'm not interested, I don't have a problem saying "no thanks," but saying "you're really cool please be my friend" is a little bit harder for me.

If I haven't made this clear already, I'm fat. 5'0", 200 pounds, size 16. I like to eat. I think I carry it well, and I don't have any debilitating body image issues because of it or anything. If you're cool with it, I'm cool with it.

I still think farts are funny. I fart on the first date.
I also like to "defensive fart!" in combat or tickling situations.

I don't wear makeup or use any hair styling tools. It takes me a whole 3 minutes to "get ready".

I consider myself to be a gay man trapped in the body of a pretty lady.
I talk about my dick a lot (relatively).
spoiler: I don't actually have one.

I'm a great frient.

Kik: 42me0w
Protip: I'm not going to cyber with you or send you nudes.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can do a little better than "what's up" or "how r u".

at least a few of these apply to you:

you've got something nice to combust with me.

you do music-y stuff and you'd like to try doing music-y stuff with me

You can repair ukuleles? Because I've got a nice collection of now-broken ukuleles.

You want to sit around and watch sitcoms with me and my water pipe?

you like to talk (I like to listen).
you're a fan of comfortable silence.

you can dish it out AND take it.

U gonna buy me a drank (woah-oh-oh)

Sloppy kissers need not apply. Saliva weirds me out.

PS: I probably won't respond to you if you're in another state, unless you're willing and able to meet. I'm lazy.
PS: I don't drive. I bike. If you're more than a few miles away from me, you'll need a car.
Edit: bike was stolen. You'll definitely need a car.

fin.

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