Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

f3m4n0n

22 F Columbus, OH

My Details

Last Online
Apr 7
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 0″ (1.53m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Aries
Education
Working on university
Job
Student
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t want kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Poorly), C++ (Poorly), Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'll try to keep this short and as honest as I can, though I'm pretty sure I failed entirely at the former. I can be a bit difficult to get to know based on my actions alone, especially if you're a stranger to me (in other words, I'm pretty shy the first few times I interact with a new person, so I'd rather write this wall of text than be expected to communicate all of this on a first date).

To begin, some basics:
stoner (likely approaching burnout). moral (and possibly existential) nihilist. apatheist/pastafarian, non-spiritual. polyamorous (because why not?) five feet tall, hovering somewhere between a chubby and fatty (but a cute one). Chaotic neutral, maybe chaotic good. ancient alien theorist. introvert/INTJ (ADD meets mild social anxieties. see also: depressive realism). ukulele enthusiast and surprisingly good singer. cat whisperer (i like to speak to animals in their own language). aspiring voice actress/farmer? constantly a little bit lost, but I know everything will turn out fine.

you should know that nothing you say, ask, or show me is likely to shock or bother me (including but not limited to: racism, gore, sexism, injustice, whatever) because i'm not a fan of getting upset over trivial shit or things that I cannot change. Simply put, I am impossible to offend, I lack the ability to fake enthusiasm (or to fake any emotions, for that matter), lack most social skills (aside from standing there silently, trying to look as non-threatening as possible), and lack a strong moral compass.

With that being said, I'm a textbook introvert. Whatever time I don't spend at work or in class, I spend either in my room alone, or hanging out with a boyfriend and possibly his friends as well. My life is very carefree and easy, because I avoid people and situations that aim to disrupt my peace. I have very few friends, and they are almost all males (not because I have anything against females, but because I have trouble finding ones that are totally okay with sitting around a circle and talking more about the abstract than the day-to-day. I tend to be a bit detached/unemotional and I think that tends to scare them off as well). at this point in life, i've opted to take the path of least resistance. I'm a very honest and straightforward person, and I avoid people who try to complicate my life while doing whatever I can to hold onto the people that make it easy and fun. In both relationships and friendships, I've never had a “fight” (seriously). I'm very difficult to anger or upset so disagreements typically just lead to rational discussions or are accepted as harmless differences. When irreconcilable differences and ultimatums arise, I'd sooner terminate a relationship than change myself just for the sake of making someone else happy.

In school I study:
Major: Sustainable agronomy+business. I want to play in the dirt.
Minors: Music, Women's Studies (mostly interested in class issues and role of media). I've never taken a women's studies class that didn't make me laugh. I won't deny being somewhat of a feminist, but I don't take it very seriously as a movement/area of study.
Long-term goals (very tentative):
Open a (cannabis-themed?) restaurant, start/work on urban farming projects, keep fighting the good fight. join/start a band or at least record some music while my vocal cords are still pristine. maybe become a trucker or nurse if all else fails. I desire companionship but do not intend to have children (I value my freedom too much). I've never been outside of North America, so I'd like to get some traveling done eventually.

I am polyamorous and polysexual. I currently have one primary boyfriend (who I love) and two secondaries (who I also love(, to a lesser extent)). They have never met each other but know each other by name/rank and occasionally hear stories about one another. Most (at least 75%) of my first dates lead to long-term friendships or relationships because I'm so picky about who I choose to meet (mostly because I'm too lazy to leave the house for someone I'm not sure about).

I'm a rather relaxed, low-energy sort of person who only leaves the house for school, work, the occasional leisurely bike ride, or obtaining nourishment. from age 12-18 I spent about 90% of my free time sitting in my room, hitting f5, f5, f5. I have always been a content bedroom-dweller, staying at home for days or weeks at a time if I have no reason to leave. I typically don't seek out social interaction but when it presents itself and I'm not busy I usually don't turn it down. My laziness means that I am always naked and rarely showered, so stepping out in public usually requires 20ish minutes of "getting ready". being the lethargic sloth I am, it can therefore be a bit difficult to pry me away from my smoking lamp.

I'm primarily looking for friends, but on the other hand, my harem is always open to new members.
What I’m doing with my life
school, osu, environment sustainability blah blah blah etc. In an ideal world I would be a vegan locavore living with my 50 cats in an energy-efficient treehouse made entirely of recycled materials, overlooking a hemp field. This is not the case, however, so I instead live in a rented room and do my best not to run out of money more than a week before payday.

mastering the art of oversized burrito wrapping

more than likely procrastinating something or another

learning songs/albums on the ukulele, and subsequently forgetting most of what I've learned within a few days.

overall, not too much, but I'm fine with that.
I’m really good at
-screwing up first impressions. Most people assume I'm disinterested because I don't say much, but I'm usually just waiting for an invitation, rather than an opportunity, to speak.
-wrapping your burrito. I've been called a goddess, angel, queen, etc. of wrapping burritos by many drunk young fellows. (but if you piss me off, your burrito gets wrapped sideways)
-providing a neutral viewpoint, justifying the actions of others and being tolerant of them even when I don't necessarily agree with them
-not giving any fucks
-forgetting things. Constantly.
-losing things, also.
-rolling cones.
-dark side of the uke
-eating. I'm very good at eating (clearly)
-singing
-cuddling
-being reasonable, independent, appreciative, low-maintenance, loving.
-being socially retarded, oblivious/apathetic.
-losing the game
The first things people usually notice about me
1. My height (60 inches). I can never reach anything, ever.
2. "did you just meow at me?" yes, I did.
3. boobs
4. fuck ton of hair. i'm growing it to donate, and it's at my waist.
5. i like commas, a lot.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: mostly outdated psychology textbooks and encyclopedia-type things. my favorite topics: communication (since I'm somewhat terrible at it), SCIENCE!, health/medicine, women's studies/society/cultural issues, environmental history/natural history/evolution/etc. I've always had a hard time getting myself to finish anything fictional.

Movies: Evil Dead, Dead Alive/Braindead, Gummo, Kids, Half Baked, Grandma's Boy, Men Behind the Sun, The Human Centipede, Young People Fucking, anything Tarantino. I don't watch many movies because an hour and a half is too long for me to actually stay focused. I watch a lot of documentaries (mostly natural history/science-y things), which tend to last only 30-60 minutes, instead.

TV: Hey Arnold, Pete and Pete, Malcom in the Middle, Friends, Seinfeld, Beavis and butthead, SVU, Aqua Teens, game shows (older=better), and whatever's on the free cable. I generally dislike drama/suspense and shows that require more than 25% of my attention.

Moosic: black Sabbath, pink floyd, polaris, husker du, zeppelin, the beatles, smashing pumpkins, flaming lips, gelatinus cube, blink 182, songs:ohia, sun 60, liz phair, HORSE the motherfucking band, king missile, Cat Power, hendrix, Ingrid Michaelson, Damhnait Doyle, Tellison, cardigans, jackson browne, The Cranberries, Beck, radiohead, MSI, The Mountain Goats, Girls, Melvins, Stone Temple Pilots, Collective Soul, and anything I can play with four chords.

Food: mostly big, fatty mammal, with a bird thrown in every so often. not a big fan of sea creatures or primary producers but overall I'm really not very picky. I typically just eat whatever's offered to me or easiest to cook.

The reality is that I'll watch whatever you put on, listen to whatever you choose, and eat whatever you feed me, whether it be due to submission or apathy.
The six things I could never do without
the dark side of the moon
meddle
paranoid
master of reality
exile in guyville
music from the adventures of pete and pete
in the aeroplane over the sea
boners
I spend a lot of time thinking about
mostly: food/trophic levels, weed, nihilism, psychological immune systems, brotherhood of the snake/Ea/NWO, why nothing matters, and all the things that I forgot to do. (and all the times I had the chance to)
On a typical Friday night I am
at work, and then at home by midnight, usually followed by 12-16 hours of sleep.

Saturday: lots of sleeping, eating, smoking, and drinking alone.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
This is basically an extension of the first section, as I'm not really a very private person anyway.

I'm a dermatillomaniac. Simply put: if I see a zit, I will pop the zit (unless you strongly object).

My inferior female DNA has prevented me from learning how to drive, so I bike.

I'm a naturalist. I don't wear clothes when I don't have to. The first thing I do when I get home is take off all of my clothes and hop in bed.
My outer-wear during the summer is generally a pair of knee-length shorts, a dress or skirt and t-shirt, and some flats. (Winter: pants, shirt, boots)
to be totally honest, I'm pretty damn cute for a fatty.

I see my immune system as a use it or lose it sort of deal. i try to keep things tidy but I don't really clean, ever. Super-clean houses make me much more nervous than filthy ones.

Arthropods are my absolute enemy. and they will rise again.

I immediately respond to "what's up?" with "my dick" every single time I am asked. It's been going on since high school.

my quality of live improved tenfold when I stopped trying to be better than everyone else.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu.

I pick my nose.

Although I have the ability to clean up and blend in with the rest of society, I'm generally just too lazy to blindly follow all of the social norms, especially if they are of little benefit to me.

I have 30 million neopoints.. :(

I never say what I mean. I always say what I think I mean. Usually I'm wrong.

I don't usually look at anyone's pictures when I'm on their profile page. I've met up with people without having a clue what they actually look like. I'm not superficial in the slightest bit, I really don't give a fuck what you look like. Anyone who would turn down a perfect match because they aren't attractive enough is a damn fool.

I am one of the most lethargic and under-motivated people you may meet in your lifetime, but if you use an adjective in place of an adverb I will do whatever it takes to teach you why this is simply unacceptable.

My room is a goddamn mess. The primary pollutants are candy wrappers, clothes, and cat toys. I'm fine with keeping public areas tidy, but I don't give half a shit about my own environment.

sloppy kissers need not apply
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
you're a logical, intelligent stoner with nihilistic tendencies who wants to spend an afternoon sitting around with me, my cat, stupid shows or some albums, dark yet lighthearted conversation, and a rather large water pipe.

you're a fan of comfortable silences, bongs, and cuddles.

you have some decent AV equipment and want to let me use it to record some songs, and/or you want to play some music together

you want to take me to Dave and Buster's (because I've never been to one)

you want to feed me! I'm poor and live off of very low-grade burritos.

etc.

I am not a fan of small talk. If you message me to ask how I am or how my day was, I promise you that you will not get a response,mostly because I never actually have anything to say to these questions besides "fine."

protip: make me laugh, and you'll do fine.