Don't prod the
Oh, hello! Hang on, I need to hijack the self-summary to scare most of you away:
- This profile is very long. On purpose.
- I'm fat. Not morbidly obese, but chubby. Broad shouldered and lumberjack-ish, if you like that flavor.
- I'm terribly un-cool. I tried in my younger years to be one of those subtle, apathetic/asshole types (read: sociopath), but I'm just not that guy. Too much empathy. And I'm a geek. In fact, I make a good living being a geek.
- I have a beard. It is magnificent. You'll probably like it more than you like me.
- I do not have nor do I want kids of my own. If you have kids, cool! But please don't look for me to be a "just add water" daddy.
- I was married once, and don't wish to do that again, thank you. So much paperwork! Oy.
- I don't smoke (but don't mind being around smokers), I don't drink to get drunk, and I don't use recreational drugs. I'm okay with being around pot smokers, so long as it's more casual use than "wake and bake."
- I have two cats. More accurately, they have me. If you have "dislikes cats" on your profile, I've probably already hidden you.
- I'm a bit introverted. Please note: this does not mean that I'm shy, just that don't like big crowds, and prefer quieter environments. I'm much more extroverted in one-on-one situations, or in small groups where I feel welcome.
- I'm neither religious nor spiritual.
- My platonic roommate is my ex-wife. She dates ladies now. She is also one of my best friends. I'll bet I lost most of you with this one.
- I eat meat.
- I'm not terribly into watching sports. I know a LOT about sports (from playing them, and from hosting trivia) but it's not really a destination activity for me.
- With rare exceptions, I don't like going to see live music, mainly because of the crowds. I like seeing live music in more intimate settings, but you won't see me at a venue with more than 100+ people all squished together.
- I'm a night owl; I'm at my best between 7pm and 4am.
- I don't have any tattoos or piercings; soon I shall be the only person like this on the planet. Just so it's clear, I like tattoos and piercings, I just don't want any of my own.
- I don't have a car, and I don't do long distance relationships. If you don't live in the Chicago area, around an hour away from Rogers Park via the CTA, sorry, I'm not interested; unless you have a car, and like to come into town a lot. Distance might make the heart grow fonder, but it wears you down after a while.
- I'm looking to actually meet someone in person, not just exchange messages.
- I'm not rich, or wealthy, or well off. But I'm not poor.
- I have sleep apnea, and wear a breathing mask when I sleep. Just to clarify, this means that I don't snore when I wear the mask; I'm a very quiet sleeper. And the breathing machine is almost silent.
- I'm not a huge fan of traveling (except for occasional road trips) or camping (see: sleep apnea).
- You know how some people describe themselves as "outdoorsy"? Yeah. Well, I'm "indoorsy".
- I'm on FetLife, same username as here. I'm pretty vanilla when compared with 99% of the people on there, but, yeah. I'm also on reddit (yep, same username) if you want to stalk me there; honestly, I've probably posted more embarrassing things on there than on FetLife.
So...is anyone left? Oh, hi! Thanks for sticking around.
I was born and raised in Texas, but luckily I escaped, because Texas is mostly awful. I'm very unlike how most people might imagine a typical Texan, although I'm told that I occasionally act like a southern gentleman, albeit a very liberal, queer friendly feminist one. I've lived in Chicago for over ten years, so this is home to me.
I'm an INTJ, if you're into that sort of thing.