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38 Portland, OR Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 34–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 11:09am
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Mostly other
When drinking
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Aquarius, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from masters program
Art / Music / Writing
Rather not say
Mostly monogamous
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I alternate from being a zippy extrovert to a nerdy recluse. I'm into writing, reading, wise cracking and doing anything active which requires endurance/expression by means of a practiced skill (namely dance, but anything involved with practiced movement and artful athleticism). I am into people who can at least relate to something comparable to a few of these things--something expressive, alive, amusing, educated, informed, inspiring or just plain out there. That's what I'm looking for in people. Also, I enjoy people who don't mind laughing at themselves sometimes. Because nothing is a mistake as long as everything is a punch line.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Slowly rotting away from the outside in, so get it while it's hot!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
spinning tales.

I also seem to be really kick ass at losing the other knee sock. Such a shame, because sometimes, I just need a little argyle in my life.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Apparently my legs, if you trust the screamed, tourette opinions of those men working on construction sites flexing their great vocal cords and terrible manners.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Lolita, Ask the Dust, Running with Scissors, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, A Clockwork Orange, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Jesus' Son, The Road, The Abortion by Richard Brautigan

Movies: The Nightmare Before Christmas, Being John Malkovich, Kung Fu Hustle, Stepbrothers, Drunken Master, City of God, Boogie Nights, Como Agua por Chocolate, The Illusionist (the animated Sylvain Chomet one), Yojimbo. Also, The Royal Tennenbaums, Harold and Maude, Shaun of the Dead, The Apartment, and while I'm here, let's add Django Unchained. I am not that picky about comedy in general, but that means that it actually has to be pretty damned funny, because if you can make me laugh, I can forgive your crappy plot points. Yes, this idea may also apply to real life.

Note: If you think less of me for liking Stepbrothers that much, you need to watch it again. I too wrote it off until one day, a kind-hearted soul sat me down and forced me to open my narrow little mind. I will now quote it at will: "This house is a fucking prison! On Planet Bullshit! In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dick!" See? Good stuff! If you don't think so, I challenge you to sit through it beside me without experiencing an hour and a half of utter joy. UPDATE: I'd say about 47% of messages I get open up with mentioning my startlingly awesome taste in film. Which makes me wonder if y'all actually love the shit out of some Stepbrothers after all! Hope for humanity! The rest of you are into physical traits and/or photos. Occasionally someone says you're funny. About 1.2% pick out a specific snippet of the overall profile, and go into a significant degree of detail as if I made you ponder something and with what appears to be the intent of starting conversation—good job! I seem to have just reduced everyone into statistical response data; the internet is so weird. Since I'm here: telling me how long my profile is, how quirky I am but you talked to me anyway as if my being myself is a slogging challenge to you , or how great I look for being so old…. uhhhh, not the best openers, hahaha. Just trying to help!

Shows: I'm one of those douche puddles who will bitch about how they don't have time for television, and then come sink into a hole in your sofa until your Netflix and your pantry go empty.

Music: This changes a lot. Some years ago, I would have said something about non-mainstream hip hop. Then there were other phases where I'd say other things. I tend to be partial to downtempo-ish stuff that sounds like you hooked up a torch singer to the mother board. I am generally Yes on the Stones Throw, but usually No on the Death Row. I don't know why people hate disco. What did disco ever do to you? Also, while I am not particularly into country, I get annoyed when people write "anything but country" in their profiles. I mean, really? You will rock the house to some polka, but if it's country on the jams next door, you're the first one calling the cops? I call bullshit! Right now some faves might be: Wax Tailor, Dan the Automator, maybe some old funk that everyone likes, and uhhhh, I don't know actually, why don't you try to help?

Food: I get excited over foods I've never had before. I love eating out, but I am tight on cash, so I spend a lot of time scrambling eggs and dreaming of the outside world and all its smoked salmon, moldy cheese and cute little stuffed grape leaves. Oh, caviar on a toasty cracker, I know you're out there somewhere! I pretend I don't like popcorn, but I do. I do so much, you buttery bowl of endless awesome, you. I'm kind of a vegetarian sympathizer. Meaning, that I order food on menus lower down the food chain, but it's not some sort of lifestyle statement. One day, it's wheat grass, but the next I just might eat a live boar.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I probably could do without liverwurst, SUVs, several breeds of common household insects, parking tickets, cheek implants and pop-up windows.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why every dude on this site has a picture of himself hugging his cute little niece. That trick doesn't work. But the one when you're holding the cute little dog at the park? That one totally does work. Bring that little mutt terrier named Mittens across my path and I will stop dead in my tracks, crouch in the street, and break into unintelligible baby talk immediately. I don't know why you would want me to do that, but if that is what you're after, consider it done!

Waidaminute, I actually don't spend that much time thinking about that at all. I'm not sure why I wrote that. If I'm completely honest I DO think about:

The prior owners who fill the Good Will. How can I prolong the sensation of happiness? Puns, bad jokes and turn of phrase. Variations in urban culture such as dialect, music preference, or how people treat each other on the street. The silence we share in elevators. The way roses in water droop when you don't pay attention to them for a few days. Why people kill Daddy Long Legs. Why am I fond of Daddy Long Legs? What does that indicate about the mapping of my mind? Whoa, the mind is a map? I should pull over and ask for directions. Excuse me sir, do you know your way around here? I think I'm lost.

The creation of cliques through inside jokes. Recycling old slang. Snappy one-liners. One-upping snappy one-liners. Why the hell I give a shit about snappy one-liners, because I really do. I think about language a lot.

I'm not done.If written words gather into stories to represent life actions, and pictures represent what they look like, what the hell does music do? No, I mean, unless you can play wine glasses with a fork AND you are constantly drinking in a clumsy manner while handling silverware, your life doesn't actually sound like music. So what IS it?

If we survive a hundred years as a species, what is the stupidest custom we have that they will laugh at most? What will they miss and try to recreate? What about five hundred years? Who decided upon our definition of a year and how did they get everyone to agree? Was there like a big controversy there? Do I look fat in this?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
ideally not on the arm of the highway or in a Mexican prison.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I used to go out of my way to hide my birthmark because whenever it showed, people would openly stare at it, sometimes pointing, questioning and drawing the attention of small groups. Due to its location, this would make me uncomfortable.

I am not looking for casual sex. Formal sex-attire only. Black ties and ball gowns would be so hot. Seriously though about the first part.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you made it this far without cringing, nodding off or performing lewd acts upon yourself.