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23 M Denver, CO

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 3:19pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Atheism, and laughing about it
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Fluently), Other (Fluently), Portuguese (Okay)

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My self-summary
"Hey, Mister, are you selling hot dogs?"
"No, why?"
"Because your fly is down."

Actual quote from one of my students. Yes, my fly was down. No, I'm not ashamed in the slightest, seeing as how one of the characters I portray in my classroom is "Captain Math Sparrow." It's exactly what you're imagining, but probably with a shittier accent because I'm not very good at accents.
What I’m doing with my life
Spending eight hours a day corralling eight-year old children as part of my chosen career path for the time being, and contemplating going to med school (for pediatric neuropsychology) in the somewhat near future.

Learning as much as I can, running/biking long distances, playing guitar/bass/trumpet, spending way too much time on the internet, meditating, running a rap satire blog.

Speaking Spanish, skiing at least every other weekend during the winter and bitching about the traffic on I-70, going to as many concerts as is humanly possible (but wearing earplugs because I'm trying to be responsible, or something like that).

Exploring new areas, attempting to hide my inner nerd but ultimately failing, hiking/backpacking/camping/other outdoorsy things.

Pondering various religions, cooking/baking (and then, admittedly, instagramming) delicious food, and the list goes on.
I’m really good at
The "crow/crane" position in yoga. As of somewhat recently, I've progressed to being good at tripod headstand, handstand, and bird of paradise.

Conversation. Partly due to my working at Starbucks in the past, which required that I talk with everyone who walks in the door, I'm about 80% convinced that I could have a relatively decent (albeit very one-sided) conversation with a brick wall.

I have a fairly decent memory, but it's kind of a sleazeball because most of the things I find myself remembering are probably found on "Unusual Articles" page on Wikipedia, rendering this skill mostly (re: completely) useless, unless it's bar trivia, which I'm pretty good at.

I really excel at drinking copious amounts of coffee, thus being caffeinated as hell throughout the day. The alternative is that I attempt to drink decaf or go without coffee in the morning. But at about 10AM, I realize that decaf coffee is a fucking joke because I spend my day surrounded by 24 third graders, and make a few cups of coffee by using the coffee grinder, then the French press, pourover cone, or electric 12-cup coffeemaker that all have a permanent place in my classroom (this is not a joke).
The first things people usually notice about me
"I don't know, I think the first thing I noticed is that you were unabashedly singing Boy George karaoke."
- [Name redacted], female friend, 24
(ed. note: Despite my friend's assertions, it was Culture Club, not Boy George as a solo artist. This is the same friend who encouraged me via text to rap [it was karaoke night] 'Stan' by Eminem one night while I was on a blind date. I killed it, but it also killed the mood of the date/the entire bar. Worth it.)

"Dude, I don't know, do you think I gave you elevator eyes when we met? Let's see (ed. note: About a five second pause). We're about the same height. Totally average. Yeah, I guess I noticed that cause you weren't freakishly tall or short."
- [Name redacted], male friend, 22

"What do you mean you're on an online dating site? Why couldn't I raise a normal child? What ever happened to meeting someone at your work or at a bar? Wait, never mind, I don't want you meeting people at bars, that's trashy. Have I told you about my friend's daughter who I think you'd like?"
- [Name redacted], mom, [age redacted]

And, if I had a nickel for every time someone told me that I have a good broadcaster voice or need to do something radio related, I could probably really waste my money and buy a Powerball ticket or something off the McDonald's dollar menu. Not that I have any desire to eat McDonald's.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Infinite Jest, Siddhartha, A Naked Singularity, Labyrinths, Cloud Atlas, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Master and Margarita, The Bell Jar and Plath's poetry in general, American Psycho, Kafka on the Shore, In Cold Blood, Catch-22, White Noise, Walden, A Confederacy of Dunces, Lolita, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, Crime and Punishment, Hopscotch
Waking Life, Oldboy, Dogtooth, Amores Perros, Mysterious Skin, Shame, The Master, American Psycho, Black Swan, Paprika, Baraka, Memento, Y Tu Mamá También, Enter the Void, The Tree of Life, Being John Malkovich, Abre Los Ojos, Irreversible, The Room, Troll 2
The Lion King, Wicked, Chicago, Mamma Mia!
...Oh shit, we're talking about TV shows? Well, in that case: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, Twin Peaks, The Wire, Breaking Bad, Cowboy Bebop, Game of Thrones
Seen live: Radiohead, Neutral Milk Hotel, Sigur Rós, Explosions in the Sky, Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, MF DOOM, Lil B, Daft Punk, Kendrick Lamar, Flying Lotus, St. Vincent, tUnE-yArDs, Streetlight Manifesto, Danny Brown, Animal Collective, Madlib, Bassnectar, Marijuana Deathsquads, Tobacco, Beach House, A$AP Rocky, CocoRosie, Toro Y Moi, Brother Ali, Death Grips, Neon Indian, The World Is A Beautiful Place..., Justice, Philip Glass, and more.
I also really like dead jazz musicians and dead composers.
Ethnic. Spicy. Thai is great, as is Ethiopian food. And sketchy Mexican restaurants where I have to use my Spanish knowledge to navigate the menu.

I will eat a pint of ice cream, straight from the container, unabashedly. I've calculated that I need to run 11 miles in order to negate the calories from a pint of ice cream. I cannot count the number of times I've run 11 miles, making a stop at the frozen section of a grocery store along the way.
The six things I could never do without
I can't think of anything witty to put here, and when it comes down to it, I feel as if I could honestly do without most things, even if the initial transition were tough. It's a (probably unrealistic) fantasy of mine to live in a Thoreau-like cabin for at least a small chunk of my life.

This question makes me think of backpacking, because in order to have a comfortable trip, you have to pack very lightly.
I brought Sriracha.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Dunbar's number and how it relates to how many Facebook friends I (should) have.

What it would be like to have been born as someone else. That's some mindblowing shit, yo.
On a typical Friday night I am
Instead of happy hour after work, I prefer the term "nappy hour," in where I pass out, fully clothed, immediately after I get home from work on Friday, because I work entirely too hard and am entirely too sleep-deprived during the week.

I have a really tough time staying up past 10 on a Friday night. This is what happens when you have a real-person job, or something.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My wallet is made out of Pokémon cards.

I'm 5' 10 1/2" in real life, so I rounded up to 5' 11" on my profile information. But in elementary schools, where I find myself spending a lot of my time, I'm a veritable giant. Students think I'm anywhere from '10 inches?' to 'Really tall! Like a million feet!'

A few summers ago, I participated in a Nathan's Famous Hot Dog eating contest. I ate 15 dogs in ten minutes. Then I didn't eat meat for four years and haven't eaten a hot dog since.

I once had dinner and drank a beer with President Bush (the younger one, he of the 'hehhehheh terrorists' fame). I was underage. I'm pretty sure this makes me a wanted criminal.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You want to answer this question: If you had the time-traveling power to live in any era, where/when would you live, and why?

You want to share an interesting article/story/study with me. Anything, really; I love learning.

You can answer the age-old question as to why "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthing ta Fuck Wit."