After years of avoiding motorcycles, due in no small part to my (healthy) fear
of being flattened by a sixteen year-old girl
(named Mandi with an 'i'?) texting her bff in regards to the previous night's
unforgettable episode of "Somebody
Sings Something," I've opted to reconsider my position. It's not
that I've acquired some newfound faith in humanity shielding me
from my inevitable gruesome demise at the thumbs of
sweet Mandi; I've merely come to the conclusion that I'd rather
find myself under her (not-even-braking (come on, Mandi!)) tires
than never know what it feels like to take my
(modern/retro-inspired (probably Italian)) bike into a controlled
slide, grating myself on a city street like soft mozzarella, most likely to
the wide-eyed awe of pointing children. I forget
where I was going with this... The point being: I'm gonna stop being such
a pussy and eat some pavement soon, with the worst-case
scenario being a personal tasting of Mandi's bumper (not a
euphemism), leading to my British chicklets being swapped out for a
shiny (albeit expensive) new smile.
Now I know what you're thinking: "Gary, your photos are gorgeous!"
First off, my name isn't Gary; nice try (,Brenda?)!
You're actuallty thinking, "that's not the worst-case scenario!" You're right, but I'm an optimist and have been told on numerous occasions that I'm "dangerously bad at playing worst-case scenario." Ignoring the fact that I'm the luckiest person I know, and glossing over the generous out-of-court settlement Mandi, her wealthy industrialist father, and I eventually hammer out, I also butter my bread through channels (software/graphic design and freelance illustration) that don't require legs or even a voice. That, and I know this is wrong, but I think the Stephen Hawking voice box is a comedy gold mine. I've taken a lot of improv classes and have started doing shows. I can't imagine not bringing down the house with that thing. *using voice box* "Get back in the kitchen and make me that sandwich." <--- too easy!
Yeah, I'd miss tennis, among other sports. Once you reach a certain level, there's something truly fantastic in being able to control a ball's flight path, making it corkscrew at your whim. I don't know any tennis players that aren't from out of state or country; my one contribution to this state has been giving dozens of tennis lessons to pasty blonde Olsons and ______sens. I've spent the last five years playing with (some very) old Russian guys in the western burbs. I would miss them, but we had our time. "Didn't we, Comrades!?" *deep (accented?) belly laughs*
There's no place I'd rather be than in a movie theater (often well) before a movie, hugging a buttery tub of overpriced popcorn, desperately clutching an equally impressive tank of soda. (<-- gasp, he's from WI)
I grew up playing (a metric shit-ton of) Scrabble, among other games, with Mom and Grandma over gin martinis — more accurately, olives dipped in gin.
(a taste I acquired in the womb?) I take Scrabble very seriously and would be happy to play anyone anytime. I was keeping my board and official dictionary in my trunk with my other sporting equipment, but the constant jostling was taking its toll on my board.
I enjoy design in general. There are very few nouns that could make this statement incorrect:
"I would love to make my own __________."
While Mandi's tires might keep me from executing plans, most of my fun comes from the design process.
My current queue includes designing another mid century sofa and finishing an oversized Jenga set for parties — one that you run from in fear.
Now I know what you're thinking: "Gary, your photos are gorgeous!"
First off, my name isn't Gary; nice try (,Brenda?)!
You're actuallty thinking, "that's not the worst-case scenario!" You're right, but I'm an optimist and have been told on numerous occasions that I'm "dangerously bad at playing worst-case scenario." Ignoring the fact that I'm the luckiest person I know, and glossing over the generous out-of-court settlement Mandi, her wealthy industrialist father, and I eventually hammer out, I also butter my bread through channels (software/graphic design and freelance illustration) that don't require legs or even a voice. That, and I know this is wrong, but I think the Stephen Hawking voice box is a comedy gold mine. I've taken a lot of improv classes and have started doing shows. I can't imagine not bringing down the house with that thing. *using voice box* "Get back in the kitchen and make me that sandwich." <--- too easy!
Yeah, I'd miss tennis, among other sports. Once you reach a certain level, there's something truly fantastic in being able to control a ball's flight path, making it corkscrew at your whim. I don't know any tennis players that aren't from out of state or country; my one contribution to this state has been giving dozens of tennis lessons to pasty blonde Olsons and ______sens. I've spent the last five years playing with (some very) old Russian guys in the western burbs. I would miss them, but we had our time. "Didn't we, Comrades!?" *deep (accented?) belly laughs*
There's no place I'd rather be than in a movie theater (often well) before a movie, hugging a buttery tub of overpriced popcorn, desperately clutching an equally impressive tank of soda. (<-- gasp, he's from WI)
I grew up playing (a metric shit-ton of) Scrabble, among other games, with Mom and Grandma over gin martinis — more accurately, olives dipped in gin.
(a taste I acquired in the womb?) I take Scrabble very seriously and would be happy to play anyone anytime. I was keeping my board and official dictionary in my trunk with my other sporting equipment, but the constant jostling was taking its toll on my board.
I enjoy design in general. There are very few nouns that could make this statement incorrect:
"I would love to make my own __________."
While Mandi's tires might keep me from executing plans, most of my fun comes from the design process.
My current queue includes designing another mid century sofa and finishing an oversized Jenga set for parties — one that you run from in fear.
