this bit was written when i was 14 or 15, but i still like the way it reads.I have an anger problem. I should get help for it, but i'm lazy. I have a lazy problem. I'd make myself stop being lazy, but I have a self discipline problem. Everyone has tried to help me with that, but I don't think they can and they haven't. which is good, can't have people going around proving my theories wrong, now can i? I have a stubborn problem. Well it's not the problem that's stubborn, it's me... I suppose the problem is a bit stubborn too. I have an insight problem, but I also have a lying problem, which brings me back to my insight problem. You see, I lied, I don't have an insight problem, unless having keen insight is a problem, and it can be. See, I spend so much time figuring myself and my problems out, that once I know what that problem is, I don't want to worry over fixing it. In my mind, it's not a problem anymore. It's something i've checked off my urgent list. I need to focus on realizing a new problem. And so on and so forth. I suppose when I have figured and realized all my problems, I can go back and start fixing a few. And then I'll be perfect. Won't that be fun.

I am in a monogamous relationship and I am only seeking friends.

EVIDENTLY, it is important to note that i do not have sex with my friends.

i like helping people. i'm quite good at entertaining myself. i can be an excellent friend. i'm very good at cutting people off completely.

1.yelena: your naked anime girl on your shirt

2.swanson: your green hair maybe

3.jovan: maybe your eyes

4.ashton: ur big ass platform shoes

5.chris: tits

6.bennett: when u were in paint drawing/writing "crack is good" at ace [computer camp]

7.noah: blue hair

8.tommy: the blue hair is hard to miss

9.max: your hair?

10.phil: blue hair?

11.steve: your big tits

12.sean: YOUR FAT ASS jk ahahah your hair

13.derek: titties

14.alex: shit better avoid her

15.eddie: your plump roundness and shortness

16.justchink: your fucked up face

17.calvin: it was your general lighthearted nature

18.ariana: you were small and young

19.jade: your hair

20.mikki: that you were a bitch to me

21.sarah(That i duno): your hair

22.sarah(That i know):um... your blue hair

23.tom: blue hair

24.tony: you had blue hair. have.

25.amber: your hair

26.madeleine: the pants and the hair

27.tyler: ur hair

28.matkam: i'd have to say your hair, but everyone said that; your blue slippers, or your man jacket

29.jacob: that you didnt wake me up

30.kate: That you're a lot mellower than I thought you'd be. It might have been that you were reading. I mean, I know that you'd told me you read. But I still recall thinking "Wow, she's got a big book in her hand, that's neat, she's a reader."

31.tim: Um... "Oh! I think I saw her before somewhere."

32.andrew: Probably the blue hair.

33.surekill: your eyes and then boobies

34.strom: i noticed that you were lying down

35.shiva: your hair and then your breasts

36.nahemah: i think the first thing i noticed was that you dont talk as much in person as you do on IRC

37.zack: bouncyness? smile

38.justin: ur hair

39.fidel: ur hair

40.michael: that you wouldn't stop checking me out; undressing me with your eyes

41.jeff: your t-shirt had a fuckton of words on it maybe?

42.taylor: you have a really cute face / pretty eyes

43.base: your fat ass, from the front

44.todd: I'd have to say it's a toss up between yer facial structure, and yer chest (altho I was under the impression that you were actually attempting to minimize yer bust)

45.wayne: I'd have to say a dark silhouette on a corner, followed by the hair, followed by the look one would give a potential rapist(not that I blame you). Once we were [indoors] it was the light brown/hazel eyes....

46.sarrf: you walk slowly

47.dave: you smile too fucking much. yah that's it. and it's not too much. you just smile a lot. and you're a lot nicer than you seem online

48.belinda: the hair and boobs

49.chris: you're a lot more generous in real life than you are online.

(books)http://www.narcissisticgoldfish.com/books.­​html (movies)http://www.narcissisticgoldfish.com/movie­​s.html (music)http://www.narcissisticgoldfish.com/music.­​html
(foods)sour cream.

medication; companionship; water; encyclopaedias.

myself.

sometimes, walking home in the middle of the night, along deserted expanses, i run, because i'm scared. i save pictures of women that are beautifully interesting, so that when i have reconstructive surgery, i can combine them all into a being that oozes sex, like kelly lebrock in weird science. i also save pictures of men, in case i wake up with a dick tomorrow; always be prepared. part of my motivation to collect these pictures is that i'm worried that otherwise someone will ask me what i like and i won't be able to explain it. i keep examples at the ready.

i respect other people's privacy and i expect people to respect my privacy, even if it seems like i don't have much of it. i'm not eloquent enough to say something chillingly honest here, so i add things as they come up. i will answer almost any question honestly, but i don't volunteer information easily. i'm lying when i say i don't have any inhibitions; i do, they're just not the same that most people have. i have learned that people who are very open usually have nothing worth hiding, so it isn't openness out of bravery, but simply convenience; and that when people have no friends, there is usually a very good reason. i have one inverted nipple; and when i masturbate i usually think about lesbians, but i hate women. it really upsets me that i no longer remember how to properly use a semicolon without doubt. my knees are double-jointed. i don't know what size shoes i wear. sometimes i take great joy in defacing money. it is very important to me that i be soft to the touch. i keep a spreadsheet listing the people i've done sexual things with; i no longer want to add anyone to that list. i have trouble brushing my teeth if i'm not watching myself in the mirror at the same time. i wear ill-fitting clothes and don't regularly comb my hair. i say, "ow" even when it didn't hurt and even if no one is around to hear me; this leads to people feeling really bad when we bump elbows walking down a hall. i've noticed my lips are usually slightly chapped, but i like the way it looks. i generally don't get along well with people who use drugs recreationally, unless they never use them as an excuse for being stupid, ignorant, or inconsiderate.

i enjoy telling stories and anecdotes. i also enjoy reflective surfaces more than is proper. walking past mirrored buildings or especially reflective windows, i worry that i might walk into the street because i'm so busy watching myself and how i look while i move; you can't really tell that sort of thing in your bathroom mirror - narcissism based on extreme self-curiosity, rather than extreme self-love. i spend a fair amount of time looking at my own profile. i spend a lot of time thinking about a lot of things that shouldn't be so important to me and thinking about why they are so important and why I have nothing to say anymore, even when I have so much to think; maybe there is just nobody to say it to. that last sentence's accuracy has been brought into question recently. i am collared and i think it is extremely intimate and romantic, but also very serious to me. i don't want children, and you shouldn't either. i can dish out more criticism than i can take. i feel very badly when i think i've hurt someone, especially via criticism. i'm almost as uncomfortable giving serious compliments as i am receiving them. i cut people off in conversation by talking over them, but i'm trying very hard to stop that. i'm uncomfortable calling most people by their name. i take scoldings to heart.

i came to the internet to meet people who sit on the internet all day - not some asshole who goes online to check his email and then goes back to rock climbing; i doubt i could maintain something fulfilling with someone who spent less than a few contiguous hours online each day, and i would much prefer it if they spent the majority of their free time online, in one way or another. when i say 'online', i mean on some sort of instant messaging network; i don't like unnecessary delay between replies. despite the importance of this, i still want someone who will go camping with me, or skydiving or walk around in the rain or go to the beach or throw snowballs or explore god-damn-caves or go geocaching or paintballing or fishing or go to amusement parks or get into urban exploration or take me ice skating or whatever. i take a childlike joy in things, and i think all of these activities have the capacity to be very romantic. i get excited when boarding an airplane, and will always lean as close as i can to look out the window, with a huge smile on my face. i like trains, too. i can't maintain written contact with most people who don't attempt to use proper spelling and grammar and at least some semblance of punctuation. if you are a poor speller, keep a dictionary handy; the world won't hate you for it. lately, i tend to hit the enter key instead of using simple punctuation, and that disappoints me.
i want someone who thinks that it would be quite something to know me, in private life.
if imitation is the highest form of flattery, i'm still an asshole for stealing other people's shit.

you joined this site in order to tell me all about the girth, length, weight, texture, previous experience, current color, core temperature, velocity, and hairiness/lack thereof of your throbbing monster cock, as well as the amount of damage it can do to my eager young vagina. please message me if you are twice my age and have no pictures and an incomplete profile and are "married but looking" and would like to inform me on the aforementioned criteria.